- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
I am not fond of Sundays when church starts at 10 AM because I have children – let me explain…. [WARNING: This might be somewhat respectfully or quasi-respectfully rant-like.]
I have a sleep-deprived 13 month old whose normal nap time is 11 AM-1 PM. So she spends 1 hour being fussy, and then copes by being glued to Momma and being very vocal and fussy. The baby is the hot potato in bouncing from being on my lap, to playing on the floor, to being on Daddy’s lap while shrieking. Yes, I take her out, or we go sit in the nursery as a family and strain to hear the talks through the quiet speakers. There isn’t a Sacrament group young parents set up on our 1 sofa.
My 7.75 year old daughter alternates between crawling onto my lap (little sister being there is strictly optional), hanging out watching Daddy play a game on his ipad [sanctioned by me because 1) it’s his life 2) he has ADHD, which means this can be a valid coping method for him)], drawing/coloring/playing quietly with some of her sanctioned items she packed [she also probably has ADHD], and being defiant. Usually I pick up on the defiant moves (or act as a trigger for them – sometimes my husband does with his random right-hand comments) and ends up in my lap again. Of course, if we are in the nursery she is triggered by her little sister getting to play with all the toys while she plays with the stuff she packed for Sacrament Meeting.
About a quarter of the time the older child doesn’t want to leave me to go to Primary, and that leads to all kinds of fun. Hubby wants me to sit next to him in Gospel Doctrine – while playing Hot Potato with the even more sleep deprived baby… and I get to listen to Doctrine and Covenants lessons, which don’t draw me in. A couple of times I have sought refuge in the nursery, so that is something – but it annoys my husband because he likes being together.
Relief Society is hit or miss. By that time, my 13 month old is even more sleep-deprived and loud. Some of the sisters adore her and steal her away where she happily pulls on their necklaces or tries to chew on their iphones. This is a blessing, but also I sometimes worry that they are judging me as a not great parent that I can’t corral my daughter or stop her shrieking. Yes, I bring toys and a bottle, and I do what I can to help her. My husband has taken her to priesthood 1x or 2x, but she appears to be even louder with him than with me. After the first week of her being more of a loud late infant/early toddler, I jestingly told the R.S. sisters that she was really loud now and that they were warned. They laughed it off as grandmothers do, and then I did see a few raised eyes our direction as my little girl used her vocal cords to prove my point. (Just 5 more months, just 5 more months is now my mantra).
I am hopeful that it is just a function of the age and personality, and that it will get better. I know that the worth of meetings is not only based on whether my children decide to behave so that I can try to feel the Spirit, but sometimes life happens to Sacrament Meetings too…
Wow. So sorry it is so hard. I totally get it Amy. That’s one of my criticisms of the rotating block schedule or even having church at an hour other than around 9 or 10. We no longer have small children and we didn’t meet in a multi-ward building when we did but at that time there was a push to move SM from 9 to 10 to make it easier for some people to get there on time. Having had some experience in multi-wards I knew it didn’t matter what time church started – those who were going to be late were going to be late. It really is that simple. It didn’t matter if church started at 9, 11, noon or 3 – it was always the same people who were late. But I digress. The problem is that lunch and nap times for small children come at the same time every day and that time is usually smack dab in the middle of church if church meets later than 9 or 9:30 (9:30 is where our ward ended up settling but after our kids were older). Add to that that 3 hours is a long time for most adults, not to mention a small child – it might as well be all day. Add to that the 70 minute sacrament meeting – about two to three times the length of the average adult’s attention span, and the attention span of a child is much shorter. In a nutshell, church is quite literally torture for small children. I feel for you, Amy. The good news is it ends in a few short years (which is also the bad news because they grow entirely too fast).
That sounds familiar. Church is three hours. I’ll say that again. Church is THREE hours. I don’t think there’s a time of the day that they could hold church where it wouldn’t interfere with a nap or a meal for small children, three hours is too long… even for some adults *cough* *cough*
“Tell me why I don’t like Sundays”
Yes, you better tell me rather than ask me because if you asked I might take up more than three hours.
Edit: DJ and I posting the same thing at the same time.
It sucks. Love the people. Love to mingle. Like many lessons. Don’t like 3 hours. Barely like 2 hours. I don’t even watch T.V. for that long at any given time. Including football. ” Including football.” Heresy!
😆 Honestly, in my last ward, I could barely make it three hours, and we had entertaining talks, exceptional Gospel Doctrine teachers, and solid RS teachers and leaders. Now, we have very rote talks, ill-prepared phoning-it-in GD teachers, and pretty good RS teachers, and it’s much much harder. A lot rests on ward leadership to pick great GD teachers. It’s nearly impossible for a GD teacher to follow these mind-numbingly boring lessons and captivate interest. The lessons aren’t even milk anymore. It’s like skim milk. Cut with water. On the rocks.
Thank you all for the support and sympathy. I re-read my post and realized I was a bit whiny, and I apologize. We will find a way to make it work somehow… and the children will be all grown up before I even know it.
Thanks again!
It’s hard enough when you believe it but when the foundational stories don’t add up anymore, it makes for a long three hours. If we didn’t have good friends and a great bishop, it wouldn’t be doable. I stumbled across this old post today, and thought of this conversation: https://bycommonconsent.com/2016/10/17/when-church-is-boring/#more-83179 I struggle going as well – Sunday School is the hardest for me. For those of you that still go and have found a way to find it more uplifting and edifying than not (or at least tolerable)… what is your secret? How do you blow off comments, judgments, and false/embellished/mystical accounts? How do you not worry that the comments they are sharing about doubters, celestial marriages, etc isn’t causing worry for your TBM spouse sitting next to you? How do you not interpret some comments as judgment against you (if they only knew)?How have you found the ability to go with a positive attitude? To be able to leave church with peace and feeling uplifted rather than shamed or emotionally and spiritually depleted? A well charged handheld device with lots of good books on it is good. I feel a bit like Ben Franklin who used Sundays to give himself an education. I am doing the same while complying with a lifestyle I wouldn’t be sad if my son lived some day. I read a lot. For someone reason, a book you are reading is ostentatious. But a handheld device, no — could be the scriptures, a hymn book or something else. I have also found ways of making it interesting. One is by facilitating the teachers council. I like that a lot. Another is by participating in ways that make people think. Lately I have felt empowered and like a free agent. Stake leaders don’t know what to do with me. Bishopric doesn’t know what to do with me. They see someone who could contribute so much more, but when approached, they find my hours are dedicated to other service opportunities and I’m full up.
SilentDawning wrote:
A well charged handheld device with lots of good books on it is good.[…]
For someone reason, a book you are reading is ostentatious. But a handheld device, no — could be the scriptures, a hymn book or something else.
Thanks for your comment Silent Dawning! I love to read, so the idea of reading on a device actually sounds heavenly, but my husband gets discouraged if I appear to be “giving up” or “checking out”… so for the meetings we sit together on, I am not sure that would work best in our circumstance – he would see that I wasnt paying attention. Either that, or I need to practice not caring what people think so much and hope he is just grateful I am there and making an attempt. I used to bring a sketch pad with me and found it helpful to scribble away my negative feelings. One can doodle and listen at the same time, so it may be a good compromise. I need to consider starting that back up again. However, I still like the idea of actually being able to tune it all out with a book!
:think: shethinksdeep wrote:
How do you blow off comments, judgments, and false/embellished/mystical accounts?
Recognizing that the people that are making those comments are expected to make those sorts of comments with where they are at in their own personal journey. I would expect an orthodox member to make orthodox comments.
My main struggle is with boredom. I’ve heard all the orthodox comments, I expect them, with the way the lessons are presented there’s little to no opportunity to make comments. My challenge is convincing myself why I need to be in there listening.
Today seems to be my “yeah – what Nibbler said” day. My “challenge” is not just “convincing myself why I need to be in there listening”, but I am cursed with our chapel has a very small internet connection (read useless once >1 ward is in the building) and it is a cell dead spot. Most of the time I can’t get cellular data at all.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.