The ME that has lived with a disaffected atheist says that it is all in my head. The ME that is struggling with things she has learned over the past 3 years wonders if she really is a member of a cult.
I’m male but I’m with you as much as I probably can be. I also wonder if I’m a member of a cult… I avoid going to the temple except for youth baptisms and don’t go very often. When I received my own initiatory I stayed in my little locker area as long as I could wondering what was happening. A temple worker finally came and said “just come on” and so I did.
I’m kind of messed up right now.
You might be the sanest person around you.
As far as advice, the best I have is don’t go if you don’t want to. My sister in law is an active member of the church and held a temple recommend but didn’t go for about 20 years until her own kids got married in the temple.