Temple marriage vs. marriage in general

[Anonymous]

I would WHOLEHEARTEDLY sign this petition. My family are non-members, and were borderline anti-Mormon when I got married. The fact they were totally shut out of the whole marriage experience because I HAD to have a temple marriage and not a parallel civil marriage really ticked them off and pushed them into the “Mormons are a controlling cult” camp.

They came to my reception, but my Dad told me how it broke his heart that his oldest son was getting married and he couldn’t be part of it. The ring exchanging ceremony, he said, was a thinly veiled attempt to appease him, which he said not to hold, and that he didn’t agree with the Church excluding my family this way. He wasn’t beefing about not being allowed in the temple — it was the Church’s insistence that it be an all-or-nothing Temple experience, and fooey on the non-member family who might have been part of a civil ceremony.

What a way to welcome the non-member family into the new life of an LDS bride and groom!!!

And the point is well-taken. This is NOT doctrine — this is policy. And its a wonderful example of the long hairy arm of the Church getting more involved in the lives of its members than it should be — particularly if the civil wedding followed by temple sealing is standard practice in other parts of the world.

I’m going to search to see if I can be part of this petition.

By the way, the one-year waiting period also creates risks couples will NOT get sealed in the temple.

If forced to choose between their family, and policy, some couples may well decide to have a civil wedding and just wait a year. During that year, they may find they are incompatible — like when I found my wife was incapable of intercourse, something that lasted 10 years. If we had been married civilly to accomodate my family, and forced to wait a year, I’m pretty sure I would have delayed the temple ceremony until I knew my wife could overcome her problem — as I learned first hand, the risks of a sexless marriage are many — ranging from extreme temptation to get fulfillment outside the marriage, to temptation to find emotional fulfillment with other women when the marriage relationship is deficient.

I never succumbed, but the temptations were extremely powerful. I’m pretty sure I would have delayed the temple until the problem was solved, which took 10 years. How much better it would be for couples who have non-member families to do the civil wedding and the sealing in succession on the same day, rather than risking the waiting period when problems can develop, jeopardizing the temple marriage.

I feel strongly about it — very strongly.

And by the way, the Church has hung me out to dry many times, but guess who is a constant in my life through it all — my non-member family. I actually apologized to them about my choice years ago. Some TBM’s online really lambasted me for that, and frankly, I don’t care. Never will I shut out my family again because of Church policy. And I regret the decision I made that put my family in the back-seat, solidifying their opposition to the Church.

This to me, is another example of organizational needs eclipsing the needs of individuals.

[Author]

Posts