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I had a very strange experience today. My dh went to renew his recommend and I felt jealous. Mine is due this month as well and I just don’t feel like I can answer one or two of the questions with integrity and so I didn’t join him. When he sent me the text saying he passed I had an abundance of emotions; sadness, jealousy, anger, regret, and a wee bit of worry. I even had a few tears roll down my cheeks when he came home and we talked about it. At first I just couldn’t figure out why I was reacted in that way. Then as we talked through it I began to see that I am jealous that dh still believes. Even though my faith crisis seems to have been very good for me overall a big part of me still wants to belong and having a recommend is the biggest proof of acceptance in the group. Because I don’t have a recommend I can’t go to the temple with my dh and those times have always been very happy experiences for me.
The other strange thing is that when my dh went through the questions with me I was shocked at how strongly I could honestly answer the last question in the positive. Do I feel worthy to go to the temple? Yes, emphatically yes. 5 years ago as TBM I struggled with that question. I didn’t feel worthy enough, I wasn’t doing enough, I wasn’t the perfect mormon wife, mother, sister, friend and so when I use to answer that question I always gave an explanatory statement like “well I’m no where near perfect but I guess I’m worthy” Now, I feel worthy, like God approves of who I am right now, not who I’m trying to be, and because I can’t answer the restoration question with a yes, and I really don’t want to talk to my bishop about those thoughts and feelings, I don’t get to go have a spiritual experience with my hubby, and yes I do find the temple to be a place where I feel the spirit and receive answers to my life questions.
Any thoughts, helpful hints, words of sympathy
🙄 Tell the person conducting the interview, that you are struggling with some aspects of your testimony right now but that you really want to have the blessings you gain from the temple as you try to figure things out. Answer the restoration question (and any other one where it applies) with something like, “I want to believe and am trying.” I would answer the questions using the “shades of belief” philosophy. This philosophy states that few people have absolute knowledge of anything. Therefore, you can say you believe Joseph Smith was a prophet even though you have doubts, if you can’t definitely say he WASN’T a prophet. If you have no evidence in either direction, choose to believe that he might have been a prophet, and use that as your foundation for your affirmation of belief. I intend to do this when I go in for my TR interview eventually. I wouldn’t share that you are having doubts and all that stuff. You don’t know what kind of a hard line your Bishop will take. If you feel going to the temple will help your unbelief, and you feel worthy, I would go and let the experience strengthen you; that’s what matters in the long run….experiences which strengthen you.
The TR questions are, generally about what you ‘do’, and about what you ‘think’. Though even the ‘do’ questions have some room for interpretation (i.e. what does it mean to pay a full tithing) they pretty much are what they are and you answer them as best you can. I’m assuming, based on the content of your question that you have no issue with those. The ‘think’ questions are a different matter, since, as has already been pointed out, the answers are impossible to quantify in any objective way. I think if your intentions are correct, and they certainly seem to be, you should be good to go. Wanting to believe, or even some other lower threshold, as long as sincerity is part of the package, should be good enough. Bottom line is that you should be accompanying your husband to the temple. Period. BTW, I assume you’ve read
thiscanadiangirl wrote:The other strange thing is that when my dh went through the questions with me I was shocked at how strongly I could honestly answer the last question in the positive.
Do I feel worthy to go to the temple? Yes, emphatically yes.5 years ago as TBM I struggled with that question. I didn’t feel worthy enough, I wasn’t doing enough, I wasn’t the perfect mormon wife, mother, sister, friend and so when I use to answer that question I always gave an explanatory statement like “well I’m no where near perfect but I guess I’m worthy” Now, I feel worthy, like God approves of who I am right now, not who I’m trying to be, I can relate to this thought. I feel MORE worthy now than I have ever felt, more spiritual and closer to god. Weird isn’t it? I guess my two cents, if you feel you are worthy, you should use the philosophy of StayLDS that Doug, SD and and Ray talked about and just get it done – especially if you don’t have any problems with tithing and WoW. IMO.
Thank you so much for the replies. Doug, I had read the article a few times but reread it again at your suggestion and feel better about how I might get through the TR interview process. I read certain parts of the article to my dh and he felt like the advise was very levelheaded and could see how I might answer the questions with integrity even with my questions and doubts. I really don’t want to even hint at my doubt to anyone other than my dh and parents who are very supportive because I just don’t trust any leader. My bishop is a great guy and quite unorthodox in many ways I just feel the need to be cautious.
SD, I like the “shades of belief” philosophy. I most certainly can not say that I “know” JS is NOT a prophet as much as I feel I can’t say I know he is one. Ideally I would like to answer “I don’t know” to the restoration question and the sustain the prophets, apostles as seers and revelators. I even waver at times with the Jesus Christ is my savior question. I really am in a “I don’t KNOW” state of mind. There is so much information to go through to make an intellectual decision and though I have had spiritual experiences regarding some of the questions, the more I learn the less I understand those spiritual experiences.
Oh it is such an exciting and terrifying experience to go through a faith crisis. Thanks for the advise. I feel better.
Ray, a part of me wants to “confess” by doubts. The burden might feel lighter and my bishop might understand some of my latest actions and requests better but I’m still hesitant.
Hi Canadiangirl! I don’t know if my thoughts will help any, but I’ll share them regardless. It was helpful to me to start from the point of saying “Joseph defines the role of prophet.” By this I mean EVERYONE in his day called him “Joseph the Mormon prophet.” No doubt they didn’t all see his connection to God in the same way, but there was no question that he was the prophet.
I also considered “the restoration” to be the process of our church coming to be. The whole process of Mormonism coming to life — it is the definition of “restoration” in Mormondom.
Is Joseph the prophet of the restoration? Is the sky blue? …but that is not the TR question. The second question: “Do you sustain the President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as the prophet, seer, and revelator; and do you recognize him as the only person on the earth authorized to exercise all priesthood keys?” in my opinion has more to do with members who may look to ANOTHER authority as the proper priesthood authority on the earth. I don’t think there is anyone else on earth who has claim to administer the ordinances and lead the church – our church president is clearly the prophet, seer, and revelator for the church. This question is only a hangup in my opinion if 1) you truly believe in the claims of a splinter group, or 2) you insert more assumptions into the question than are actually there.
I also assume that the sustaining question has an implied “in righteousness” qualifier. I don’t think anyone would expect to sustain church leaders in the errors of their humanity. We sustain the church leaders as they are authentically led by the spirit, we sustain them in their callings – in righteousness – as they are actually doing God’s will, or as they are advocating pure goodness.
My thoughts anyway, for what it’s worth.
Hey Canadiangirl! I am glad you shared your concerns here, and I add my “Amen” to what has been said before. In my opinion, if you feel worthy to hold a temple recommend and you find value in the temple experience, *you already have your answer*!
The problem with unloading to your bishop is that you enter the game of “Priesthood Leader Roulette.” I heard of one bishop who said if a member had a testimony of the human value of the Church, that was good enough for him, and other bishops take away recommendations for absurd things like being divorced or having doubts. I feel the last question is really the only important one. I like what Ray said about acknowleding in a vague, general way that you are working through some questions and concerns right now, but feel that you are worthy to attend the temple and that the temple experience would be helpful. Perhaps you can go from there.
I could tell my bishop was pretty open, so I was more detailed than I needed to be. At the beginning of my TR interview I asked, “Do you want the version with our without the footnotes?” His brow furrowed a few times when I said that I believe in God but don’t know how to define him, or that I don’t know if I believe in the Atonement, but that I want to and I try to live it. He did give me the “looking beyond the mark” line and said if I ever got to a certain point of doubt I should talk to a priesthood leader (and in my head I thought, “And that leader would say or do WHAT? These are not concerns that can be resolved by reading the Book of Mormon five times fast.”). But he gave me my recommend and said I was just honest.
For my SP interview, I will stick to “yes”
Know that you are not alone, Canadiangirl! Give us an update and let us know how it goes.
Doug, thank you for posting that link; I had not read it yet.
Thank you Orson. Your post is very helpful. One thing you mentioned is important for me to realize. Assumptions. I think I do put too many assumptions in my thinking about the questions. The way you have set up the questions helps me to remove those and answer yes. Thanks again. Enoch, yes I’m very concerned with “Priesthood Leader Roulette”. Thank you for your thoughts. I agree that the last question is the most important and I think that is what I find frustrating in being asked the others. But such is life in the LDS church. We must always prove our worthiness. Grrrr…
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. They really are so very helpful.
Canadiangirl, I hope you feel better…. I hope that you can allow yourself to be empowered, and “work out your own salvation…” as it were. I find it helpful to understand the role and importance of priesthood leadership, and then accept that or *reject it* as it helps me. You are the important authority in this case. I hope that you will be able to feel at peace as you talk to your priesthood “leaders”.
I have worked hard and fought on the journey to carve out my own spirituality, to go on my own journey, to make my faith my own. This journey is *sacred*. And with these sacred beliefs, we should not share them with those who will misinterpret them or use them to hurt us.
canadiangirl wrote:I agree that the last question is the most important and I think that is what I find frustrating in being asked the others.
And I doubt you can find a leader in the church that won’t agree — the last question is the most important. I remember the last time I had a TR interview I got the “warm fuzzies” after answering the last question affirmatively, and then I realized that in LDS talk this was confirmation that I was doing right. I have had no hangups about getting a TR since then.
The LDS church aspires to be the organization representing God on earth, let it do God’s work. Don’t let it get hung up in places where you don’t feel God would actually be hung up. That’s how I like to look at it.
Nothing much to add, but hang in there, and good luck, Canadian Girl! I haven’t been to the temple too much over the last couple of years, but I did go recently, and it was very uplifting (except the parts where I nodded off). I was pleasantly surprised. Most bishops would want you to have those experiences if you are living “in faith” (meaning that you are still doing all the “do” stuff on the list). I think it is a good thing to be able to go with your husband to a place that is peaceful and quiet and where you can be still and find God. It is a good thing. I also think going through the questions are a good way to re-examine your beliefs. When I did that recently, I felt that I’m really not so different than others, and although I think of some questions differently than I used to, my answers are still the same. That tells me something. My only word of caution…
canadian girl wrote:having a recommend is the biggest proof of acceptance in the group
don’t use the recommend as a measuring stick of if you are accepted by others in the ward or not. You can find acceptance or distance regardless of the piece of paper in your wallet, in my opinion.
Yeah, to echo Heber, do it for yourself (and your husband, as half of yourself) – not for others. I think it’s somewhat a common experience among many of us “StayLDSers” to struggle with some of the early TR questions, but not the last one. Conversely, I found that the last question was commonly a tough one for members when I was giving interviews. I was surprised how many stammered over that one, saying things like “I don’t know, I guess.” I really think they felt a little unworthy for no reason. I sometimes would say something like, “Well, if you answered those other questions honestly, then you ARE worthy.”
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