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Hubby and I have been called in to renew our Temple recommends—I’m going, not sure if Hubby will. I never feel like I can really say that I am worthy—I know I make plenty of mistakes, and I’m not at every meeting, but I’m at a lot more than i used to be at before my hubby started leaving after sacrament meeting. We sometimes watch some shows that aren’t exactly appropriate–netflix doesn’t cut well–I could confess to every sin i do—but I also know that I want to improve myself and get to the temple. I can’t even say I know without a shodow of a ddoubt that the church is true, but i can say that i believe it–and honestly, I think if someone put a gun to my head and told me to deny the church or they’d shoot—they’d have to shoot–however, I think I would crumple under torture!!!!
Unless my hubby has something going on that I don’t know about, I don’t think he is unworthy for a Temple recommend, except when it come to the part about “do you attend all your meetings” He says he doesn’t think he is worthy.
The counselor we will be seeing, if he goes, is the counselor that he really likes and gets along with really well—I told him to talk to the counselor.
Please send prayers our way—i want to feel again what i used to feel. I know that people have there ups and downs with their testimonies–I have been down, but I want to be back up–and I can see a difference in my husband when he attends the Temple.
I will pray for you, that whatever is best for you and your husband will occur – now and moving forward. Related questions – how deeply are interviewers allowed to probe, anyway? I thought they had to just stick to the list of canned questions without much elaboration – bishoprics and stake presidencies alike. Also, what’s the qualifier in the question about meeting attendance? If it’s the word ‘regularly’, they may still think that applies to what your husband does, especially if he makes a token appearance at priesthood meeting every couple of months.
Interviewers are supposed to stick to the questions. Allowance is made for exceptions, but exceptions aren’t exceptions if they occur regularly. The attendance question is:
Quote:Do you strive to keep the covenants you have made, to attend your sacrament and other meetings, and to keep your life in harmony with the laws and commandments of the gospel?
So, the summary is if you try to attend Sacrament Meeting and other meetings – but there is no measurement of what that means.
Frankly, if I attended sporadically and was asked that question, and if I wanted to have a temple recommend, I would look at the interviewer, grin and say:
Quote:I strive to attend meetings, but sometimes I just can’t force myself to do it. I’ve attended too many that were irrelevant and kept me from my family. I’m sure you know what I mean. I keep trying, though, so, Yes, I strive to do that.
Of course, I am irreverent enough to do that – and I can do it with a grin.
I’ve told both Bishops and Stake presidents that I strive to attend all my meetings but I often find it socially and emotionally uncomfortable (I can have bad anxiety in large groups of Mormons, or in groups of large Mormons 
It has never stopped them from giving my my recommend.
well, I had a great chat with the counselor last night—my hubby said to tell the counselor that he would call him and make an appointment when he was ready–which I think will be a long time—but I’m gonna keep moving forward and try to keep the discouragement at bay. momto11 wrote:well, I had a great chat with the counselor last night—my hubby said to tell the counselor that he would call him and make an appointment when he was ready–which I think will be a long time—but I’m gonna keep moving forward and try to keep the discouragement at bay.
Glad you were able to have a good experience with the counsellor. And I admire your love and support towards your husband and not forcing things on him.
How did you go about answering some of the questions? I’ve got my recommend interview due soon and I’m not sure how to approach it.
mackay11, I answered him as honestly as i could. Most of the questions really ask more or less if you are trying to do things right, not if you are perfect at what they are asking you. When he asked if I keep my Temple covenants, I told him that I probably didn’t keep them as well as i should—-I don’t have a calling (I asked to be released from the last two because of medical problems and medication problems)–I told him I really wasn’t sure WHAT I could do. When it comes to local leaders, I told him that I supported them, but I realized they weren’t perfect–and that i discovered i needed to do some repenting and apologizing—-keeping the law of chastity—i told him—I think so—not going to go take him in my bedroom. Do i attend all of my meetings—i try to–and I’m getting better, but i still miss a few. Being involved with weird groups against the church (not sure how that one is worded)—-No was out of my mouth before he finished the question—I have a real problem with the “tent people” and such–drives me nuts.
I did talk about my disappointment in my husband only attending sacrament meeting, and not wanting to listen to scriptures read out loud or sing songs if we have FHE. I married young and out of the church–knew I had made a mistake pretty quickly. I wanted the church back in my life and started attending my meetings again—My ex eventually told me I had to quit going to church or leave—so I left with a toddler under 2 and not knowing I was already pregnant. Later dated a fellow I thought was active, he wasn’t, he got active while we datd and then quit when we broke up–as far as I know he is still inactive. Met hubby on a blind date–had been told he was inactive, but that he wanted to get active—and he hadn’t met me yet. He told me he wouldn’t marry me until he could take me to the temple—-in just under 5 months we got married in the Salt Lake Temple–with 4 children between the 2 of us.
We always pay our tithing—i even told him about my mistake about not paying on a certain amount for 1-1 1/2 years–and that my sister told me not to worry about it because in my heart I was paying a full tithe–he wasn’t concerned about that.
When he asked If i thought I was worthy, I said “no”—but he said that since i didn’t have any sins that needed to be taken care of by the church brethren, he wasn’t going to worry about it.
When he asked if i had any problems with my family that needed to be taken care of, i asked him if saying hell and damn counted—I told him the stake pres asked me if they were swear word because they were in the bible-(I love a sense of humor in a leader) The counselor then told me the old stake pres would have asked you if you had cattle when it came to the swearing question.
I asked if there were people who go to the Temple on a regular basis from our town—and he asked me if I would like to go with him and his wife when I can–his wife is a friend of mine—and hubby and I have gone with them to the Temple a couple of times in the past.
Sorry for the ramble–hoped it helped some of what you were wondering about.
God bless good leaders. There are FAR more than our discussions here often seem to imply. Old-Timer wrote:God bless good leaders. There are FAR more than our discussions here often seem to imply.
I agree there are more good leaders than bad, but the bad ones can really mess with you
I guess the real challenge is to try and not let them mess with us—much easier said than done!!! Far easier said than done. You can’t hide from your ward leaders when you’re “in the system”, but if they’re too hard to tolerate, you can usually draw a line – eventually– that will get them to back off. But all the little insidious criticisms they drop tend to add up. It could be worse, though. Try drawing a line with an over-the-top mission president when you’re a missionary. There’s no relief. If he doesn’t wear you down personally, his automatons will.
I wanted to share my recent renewal experience. I had been really worried about many of the questions and had planned to put it off, but I have a niece getting married soon, so I really wanted to go to that. I reviewed the questions so I knew what to expect, and then I said a prayer, telling God that I knew he is aware of my struggles, and I wanted to go to the wedding, so I was planning to answer the questions so that I could get my recommend. I felt okay about it, so I went ahead and did the interview with the Bishopric member. I wasn’t in as good a mood with the Stake counselor the following week, but I went ahead since I had felt okay to do so before. He specifically told me to only answer yes or no (which is also what I did for the Bishopric interview). I thought that made it easier, not having to feel like we need to justify our answers. I did have to redefine some words in order to answer, for example, testimony to me is trying to live my life according to my beliefs. So I could say yes to having
faithin the Godhead, and then my testimony of them is that I am still a part of the church and trying to do what I think is right. I was a little nervous at the question about the restoration and the prophets, seers and revelators, but I went ahead and answered as expected, since I had felt after my prayer that it was okay to say what I needed to get my recommend. Anyway, I hope my approach might help others out there who are putting it off because they feel they need to explain themselves to the interviewer. I think you only need to explain yourself to God. Think of the people you know who go to the temple, they are all flawed and yet they feel worthy to go, so why not you?
journeygirl
I can’t help but wonder if so many of us feel we have to be very spiritual and without flaw—-but then, if we remember, Christ had a tendency to hang out with the sinners because they were the one’s who needed him the most.I’ve never been told that I had to give a specific “yes or no” answer to the questions when I have gone in for my Temple recommends over the years. As far as your answer to the question about testimony. I once told my stake president that i couldn’t say I “know the church is true”, but I could say “I believe the church is true.” I also told him that this is what I CHOOSE. He told me that that was more important. Remember the scripture, (that I won’t quote right) that says, Faith is hope in things not seen.
It also seems to me, by what you said, that you may have some questions about the restoration, the prophet and seers and revelators. But, right before that, you said you are still a part of the church and trying to do what you think is right—sounds to me that you are in the area of “I believe, but I don’t KNOW” with that one—and in my line of thinking, that’s ok. When i was asked if I believed the prophet was the only person that held the keys, or however it is worded, I suddenly realized that I could say YES to that question, because of my belief (even though I have questions about things) and also because i have chosen to be a member of this church—it was almost an “aha!” moment for me.
If I remember from my recent recommend interview–most of the questions aren’t asking for perfect answers, they are asking is you believe, not if you know, and if you are doing your best, not if you are doing perfect. I even told the counselor that I didn’t think I was doing as well as i could on one thing–but it didn’t stop him from signing my recommend. There are definitely some of the questions that require yes or a no—but if we can’t answer them correctly, I think we know we aren’t worthy for a recommend.
In the stake we used to live in for 18 years, when we went to the stake presidency to finish up our recommends, sometimes the stake leaders chose not to ask the recommend questions. They would take some time and visit with me about things and about Temple attendance, but I think they figured if the ward leaders felt like we were worthy, they didn’t need to ask the same questions a second time. We went through a lot of years of me being either pregnant, nursing a baby, or having a bunch of small children at home. at the time, the nearest Temple was 2 hours away. When you figured in 4 hours of travel time, 2 hours in the Temple, and time to get something to eat—You are talking 6 hours, at a minimum, of being away from a nursing baby, or being pregnant and miserable, or worrying how everyone was behaving at home. Consequently, we didn’t get to the Temple a lot during those years. member of the stake presidency, asked me once if the reason we didn’t get there was because of our children, I told him it was. He told me that he though that was one reason the Lord would accept for us not getting to the Temple very often.
Of course, I believe that the Lord is understanding of us all and our challenges, and there are other reasons he will understand as to why we don’t make it to the Temple often—but I think he still wants us to try.
We don’t have any real good reasons for not getting there often, now. We have a Temple 45 min. away, but doing a session is hard for me because I have chronic pain—and sitting still for that long makes me hurt worse. Also, if I tip my hed up to watch the screen, it gives me a headache. BUT
I realized that it would probably be ok if most of my Temple work was doing sealings and initiatory work. While doing sealings, my knees will hurt, but we change places often enough that I can tolerate it. I can also slip out to the bathroom, which helps me because It enables me to move around a little. Initiatory work can be done for as long or as short as you want.My first session, I didn’t take enough pain killers—-and was miserable by the time we were done. The second time, I took a little too much pain medication—I didn’t hurt, but I felt lousy. Maybe three times will be the charm and I’ll figure out how to manage my meds right to be able to enjoy the whole session.
I really do enjoy going to the Temple.
Thanks for sharing your experience—sorry I rambled on so long! Enjoy the journey, journeygirl!!! (I like your screen name, very fitting for a lot of us)
insomiac, I read a gospel centered book once that talked about abuse in the church, and i don’t want to stir up a hornets nest, but I did learn that there are times when there are forms of abuse used by leaders and members—probably it is often done without purposeful malicious intent—but it should be reported to a higher authority.
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