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I am have been struggling pnysically, mentally and spiritually for some time. For a short period of time, when my depression lifted, I was able to get a whole new grasp on things and strengthen myself somewhat spiritually. My husband is often verbally and emotionally abusive, but he had been active up until about 1-1 1/2 years ago. We have been married 25 1/2 years. i have seen him at his best and I know what he is capable of, if he decided he wanted to be a better, and kinder person. I’m not ready to give up on him.
A Number of years ago, when I was visiting with my bishop about my marriage and how my husband often treated me, He told me that when we were married in the Temple, that I was promised, if I lived righteously, that my husband and I would be together. He said that since I was promised that, that my husband and I WOULD be together, It didn’t mean that he wouldn’t have to pay for what he had done wrong, but because I was promised that in the Temple, we WOULD be together—but without the problems that we were having now. That was a comforting thought to me, because i can remember how kind my husband used to be at one time–and can still be off and on. But, It also made me feel like everything is on my shoulders as far as seeing that our children are taught to live righteously. I have to see that family prayers get said, home evenings held, and scriptures read—-I don’t feel like I am strong enough to do this on my own
I fail at it more than I get it done.Most recently, when i was getting my Temple recommend, my old Bishop is in the Stake Presidency, and he was the one I interviewed with. This time, he told me something completely different. I don’t remember the whole discussion, but he told me, concerning my husband and I , that I don’t get there without him and he doesn’t get there without me. This is completely opposite of what he told me before.
Which is it? I keep reading how we are promised, if our children are sealed to us, that even if they stray, they are still bound to us in the eternities. I WANT to live my life the way I should, but I get so discouraged when my husband does not attend meetings, or when he goes home after only attending sacrament meeting—and when he won’t read scriptures with us, because he doesn’t like to listen to people read—-we used to read together as a family when our children were younger.
I feel like I had made such progeress—several of you on here had told me that you could see (read?) the change in me. I feel like I am slipping again into discouragement. The stake president didn’t follow through with working with us like he had told me he would, after i had called him and told him I felt like he had abandoned us. The bishop did call my hubby in, which he wasn’t happy about–wanted to know if I had called someone, but he did go talk to him.
But really , My question is—which of the two different things that my bishop? stake pres counselor told me is right—as far as my husband and i and the eternities are concerned?
Christine
Which is right? I don’t know – and maybe they both are wrong. I stopped worrying about the next life a long time ago, and now I focus on this life. Depression and abuse of any kind are really hard issues, and there is no silver bullet answer – except that each person has to do their best to figure it out and change (“repent”) in whatever way works best for that person.
momto11, I am sorry that you are going through depression and hard time.
I can understand why you are confused but I do think YOU are the only one who knows what the right answer is.
I used to put so much faith in church leaders and took everything they said as THE LAW and FROM GOD! Now I just feel that they are doing their best job and it is their best opinion. That is MY opinion. I also have not made up my mind about temple sealings… situations like “you wont get there without him” sound ridiculous to me… But I am open to having a better understanding and I have decided to not see things in black and white or make any belief FINAL.
Keeping that in mind, I will say that I asked the Lord recently why He gave me on answer and then now I find that that answer doesn’t seem as firm as it once did. I realized that I get new information as I change and grow. I was being fed milk, now I am ready for meat. I was talking to someone about how mean God is in the OT. That God scares the crap out of me and I don’t like reading it. I was tempted to throw the baby out with the bath water on that one… then I had a friend explain to me that they needed the Law b/c that is where they were at the time. God spoke to them on the level they were ready to hear it. I think we are the same way; we learn things by the letter and when are ready to go by the Spirit and understand the value of the law, we are then ready for a higher law. Our “come from” changes.
I am not even sure if that made any sense, or if it even “fit” here. It just came out… haha
I am tempted to comment on your depression and marriage but that isn’t what you were asking. But just know that my heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself and hugs!!! Do whatever it takes to find joy is all I want to say.
opentofreedom—actually, I think you did make sense. I heard something really funny in a stake conference, once. The speaker was a convert. He said that at one time he had decided to read the whole Bible. He said that when he was done, he promised the Lord he would never read it again!!! I think if they made all of the Old Testament into a movie it would be R rated–or worse!! I wonder if he was meaning something else when he told me “you don’t get there without him”, and I just didn’t understand what he was trying to say—most of our conversation had actually been about another subject. I know that once my Stake President said something to me that had me very upset, because it was not what i thought we believed. My old bishop/Stake president lived two houses down, and I used to go discuss things with him. I went and spoke to him about what I had been told. He suggested that I go back and talk to the stake president and ask him what he meant.
I followed his advice and went and talked to the stake pres and asked him about what he said—-He had not meant it the way it came out. I think I had caught him at a time when he was in a hurry–I had no appointment and he taught seminary–and it was in the morning. When I took the time to ask what I thought didn’t sound right, in a more appropriate setting, I realized that he hadn’t meant what I thought he had meant—he was able to explain it better.
I guess i should take my own advice here—and the next time i get a chance to talk to this leader, I need to ask him why he told me two different things.
Sometimes just being able to vent, and get a few opinions helps me to see things a little better—-and you all aren’t mean with your replies like the other board i used to go to!!!!
thanks!
Christine
momto11 Old-Timer wrote:I stopped worrying about the next life a long time ago, and now I focus on this life.
+1 to Ray’s thinking.My advice is to seek help from a counselor… not the LDS kind… a psychologist. Because of the special role of the Church, people in the Church tend to give advice along the lines of “here is the doctrine, if things aren’t working out for you, you need to live the doctrine more.” I don’t think that is bad, or even wrong, from the point of view of the Church, but in our individual lives, what we need is to learn how to make life work for us, not to make us work for our lives. A good psychologist can help you sort out your priorities and approaches, in a way that meets your needs.
momto11 wrote:…A Number of years ago, when I was visiting with my bishop about my marriage and how my husband often treated me, He told me that when we were married in the Temple, that I was promised, if I lived righteously, that my husband and I would be together. He said that since
I was promised that, that my husband and I WOULD be together, It didn’t mean that he wouldn’t have to pay for what he had done wrong, but because I was promised that in the Temple, we WOULD be together—but without the problems that we were having now. That was a comforting thought to me, because i can remember how kind my husband used to be at one time–and can still be off and on. But, It also made me feel like everything is on my shoulders as far as seeing that our children are taught to live righteously.…I don’t feel like I am strong enough to do this on my own
I fail at it more than I get it done.Most recently, when i was getting my Temple recommend, my old Bishop is in the Stake Presidency, and he was the one I interviewed with.
This time, he told me something completely different. I don’t remember the whole discussion, but he told me, concerning my husband and I , that I don’t get there without him and he doesn’t get there without me. This is completely opposite of what he told me before…Which is it?…I WANT to live my life the way I should, but I get so discouraged when my husband does not attend meetings, or when he goes home after only attending sacrament meeting—and when he won’t read scriptures with us, because he doesn’t like to listen to people read… My understanding was always that the official position of the Church was that only worthy Church members would make it to the Celestial Kingdom and they would never see any of their unworthy family members again but anyone that is worthy and has an unworthy spouse or is single or divorced would supposedly get a new worthy husband or wife in the Celestial Kingdom. In other words, neither of these answers you mention sound right to me if you want to assume the Church really knows what will happen. As far as feelings of depression and discouragement the first thing I would look into is “cognitive therapy” (
http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=2043 Old-Timer wrote:I stopped worrying about the next life a long time ago, and now I focus on this life.
Words of extreme wisdom if you ask me! Instead of worrying about what will happen when I die, I try to focus on living this life to the fullest.
I spent a while looking into this when I was more believing and my wife had already stopped attending. The handbook states that members who leave the church/don’t keep their covenants individually loose their temple blessings/promises. This has no effect on the spouse or children’s temple blessings. The sealing between the couple would not be valid if one party was not faithful but the faithful spouse would still have their sealing to children recognised.
This is all based on the earthly practicalities of temple blessings being revoked/restored. As Ray said, I worry a lot less these days about what family relationships will look like on the unknowable “other side” – I focus instead on trying to develop earthly relationships I’d actually want to maintain if it turns out there is something for families in the “undiscovered country”
If I can add my own opinion, based on what I understand… I believe that, if you stay faithful, your husband will have a chance to repent, return to the church, and still qualify for those blessings that you were promised in your sealing. Of course, he still has his free agency, but it sounds like you can have a profound influence in ensuring that he eventually comes around. But if he uses his agency to disqualify himself from receiving those blessings, there is still a provision for you to receive them with your children. Do I know how it will work? No.
Good luck to you!
That is very similar to what one of my bishops told me. momto11 wrote:I heard something really funny in a stake conference, once. The speaker was a convert. He said that at one time he had decided to read the whole Bible. He said that when he was done, he promised the Lord he would never read it again!!!
I don’t have any good advice, but just want to thank you for the laugh!
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