Thank you letter from someone

[Anonymous]

Another person thanking everyone for being here and making the site happen. It’s nice to help keep these kinds of dedicated, active people in local leadership callings *IN* the church.

---

I have just finished reading your article “How to stay in the Church” and I have to say that it is the most comprehensive enlightening piece of literature I have read in the last 5 years. I happened into my disillusionment of the LDS church recently, and have been internet hopping for the last several years to try and make sense of all I have learned. The only other site that was of some help was the new order mormon discussion forums, however, I found most of the rants/articles to be negative about the church. I’m a 42 yo male, bic, mwc – 4, rm, byu grad, ym pres, spouse is tbm, etc, etc, etc. Thank you for your site. It is a breath of fresh air.

[Anonymous]

A recent letter, very touching. Thank you (from me too) for continuing to give of your time and talents to minister to our sisters and brothers. This site makes a difference. It touches the lives of so many more people we will never know — many thousand a month (we regularly have 10K-13K unique visitors per month, btw)

---

As I finished reading your article about how to stay in the church without having to be an orthodox member, I am brought to tears. I have been a single mother for nearly 14 years, having been pregnant with my second son at the time of my divorce. My ex husband decided he did not want the responsibility of providing for a family. I was left with the choice of staying in a miserable marriage or leaving and finding a better life without the burden of being used and neglected by my husband. I chose to leave.

Over the years I have become dissolutioned with the church specifically because there seems to be no place for a career oriented single mother competently raising her own children in the church. I’ve tried in vain over the years to make connections and friendships only to rarely if ever have those actions reciprocated. Even being ignored at times when I’ve had surgery and no members were there to help me. It has only been after some years that I realize I have a scarlet letter that prevents orthodox members from fully reaching out to me. I have felt lonely and at times angry and most definitely confused. I have thought for many years that if I were only better, if my heart were more pure, if I was trying harder, etc., people would accept me.

I’ve since come to an understanding that culturally, accepting me and my children is nearly impossible for orthodox members to do. They simply don’t have the time or even understanding to reach out to us. They are busy trying to be a part of a very different community than the one I am a part of. And I believe the average member’s true understanding of charity is quite limited to baking cookies for a friend and raking leaves for the elderly. But my oldest son is nearly 17 and I have brought my sons up in the church. I’ve taught them about service, temple marriage, tithing, charity, Christ-like love, forgiveness, the word of wisdom, serving missions etc. I don’t want to abandon the good that has come into their lives as a result of these teachings.

I didn’t know where to turn or what to do. Once I felt the disillusionment I did begin to do research and I did begin to find many conflicts with church history. This only served to worsen my feelings. I was definitely in a state of internal crisis. I even felt like I might have a nervous break down. Then I found your site and read your article. Thank you is all I can say. I feel like I can move forward. That I can stay mormon, continue to raise my children mormon and not lie about my beliefs. I want the Mormon life for my two sons. I want them to lead clean happy lives. To be the providers and protectors of their future families. The church does a fantastic job of showing men how to lead, protect and provide. I no longer consider myself an orthodox member.

I now have a more balanced realistic approach to how I view the gospel. It really is about my relationship with God, whoever that is. I have decided to remain active and be a part of the community, to whatever extent that may be. To leave would only severely harm my two sons. But I also know, thanks to your article, that there are many ways to be a good Mormon. Thank you again!

[Anonymous]

Thanks, Brian. This is what it’s all about.

[Anonymous]

Cool. :thumbup:

[Anonymous]

Quote:

I was left with the choice of staying in a miserable marriage or leaving and finding a better life without the burden of being used and neglected

Quote:

I now have a more balanced realistic approach to how I view the gospel. It really is about my relationship with God, whoever that is.

It is interesting and comforting to find strangers share things in their life and realize we are not all so unique in the things we go through, and don’t need to feel bad or think something is wrong with us for trying to make life work out. I identified with this person’s feelings.

Thanks for sharing it Brian.

[Anonymous]

Brian, I had a thought and want to run it past everyone here.

What do you all think about a post titled something like, “The Big Picture of Stay LDS.com Participation” or “Letters of Thanks” – perhaps tagged as something to read first when registering to participate actively? It would be a short, simple post about Brian’s last comment – letting people know their are many people who visit without ever commenting and sharing a few excerpts from letter of thanks we have received.

I see two HUGE positives and a potential negative:

1) Church leaders who read here might see that this is more widespread and beneficial than it appears when you see how few people comment regularly.

2) Participants would have a post to share with concerned leaders or family members and show them that we really are helping people recover from crises and remain in the Church.

3) Participants might be more concerned about how many people are reading their comments. The relatively small number of active participants at any given time might make participants feel more comfortable and less worried that authority figures are reading their comments and planning disciplinary action. If we do this, I think we should not specify how many unique visitors we get – but keep is as “thousands of people have visited, and many have expressed their thanks” (or something like that).

What do you think?

[Anonymous]

I like the idea. It’s always cool for us to get these kinds of letters. My only concern is to wonder if the people who write would be ok with publishing their letter. (I would think they would be fine, especially if anonymous, but we should check with them just to be sure.)

[Anonymous]

Just to clarify:

I don’t mean posting letters. I mean writing a post about how many lurkers and readers we have and sharing a few quotes from the letters we’ve gotten (without any kind of attribution that could identify anyone) – as examples of what people have told us.

[Anonymous]

Yes, as long as no details from letters are given that could even partially (as in giving a good guess) identify someone. :thumbup:

[Anonymous]

I think that is the way to do it…just some of the quotes that make the point, and some statistics on the visitors. It does seem to bring some more to the story here.

Especially if we can leave out the details that might identify the person (such as 14 yr single mom, having been pregnant with my second son during my divorce)…any such details that might alert someone or some leader to identifying the person who sent Brian the note privately instead of posting on the forum publicly.

These are some of my favorite quotes (especially the ones that are from investigators that now feel better moving ahead with baptism…that tells volumes, I think):

17 Sep 2012 wrote:

After reading this essay I am forced to actively seek out the root cause to my prolonged inactive state, or lack of urgency to seek out help from the church to return. Though initially I did not blame the church for my leaving, it seemed hard to get any meaningful response to my cries for help. However, I know see that church leadership is extremely busy, and I could in retrospect have done more to seek out assistance.

I never intended to leave the church, and I am finding the road back challenging at best; painful at worst. I thank Heveanly Father for allowing you to put this out there for people like me to find. I do not want to be a Middle of the Road Mormon. If anything this lesson has strengthened me in my walk back into faith. I never have aspired to become the super mormon; rather, a faithful servant with a strong testimony. I have found great ideas on how to keep my focus on the basics, and not let the “sparkly things” or politics that would steal my attention away from me and my service to God, family, my ward, and my community.

Again, I just wanted to say thank you for this essay. I was never looking to leave the church purposely. However, this has showed me why it is so important to stay faithful, and work to fulfill my covenant with Heavenly Father the best way I am able. Thank you for such a wonderful tool.

23 Jul 2012 wrote:

After reading your essay on how to stay in the Mormon church, I felt compelled to write you. Why? Because I am currently investigating the church. I have been close to being baptised a couple of times, but I seem to get hung up on several little things. Those little things have made me worry that I wouldn’t be able to be a member of the church; that I would be too much of a troublemaker, if you will. Lucky for me, your essay touched on pretty much every aspect that I have been wrestling with. So, thank you for sharing your ideas. It gives me peace of mind to know that I could still be a member but walk the middle path. It’s good to know that does exist and you’ve given me confidence that maybe it is time for me to move ahead.

30 Dec 2012 wrote:

Hi there,

I’m an investigator of the Church who, after feeling good about my decision to be baptised, began to doubt Mormonism in general…. I do believe that Mormons are among the kindest people I’ll ever meet and the Church teaches good family values, charity, and definitely sticks to its guns despite pressure to adapt to society, as many other churches do. And I do believe there’s truth to the Book of Mormon and the Plan of Salvation. So I’ve decided to go ahead with my baptism.

Thank you so much for helping me to see an alternative approach to the LDS Church and for reminding me of the many positive aspects of it!

God Bless

05 Nov 2012 wrote:

I love the Mormon Church so much, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t have questions or concerns. I choose to believe in the church and so I would try to talk myself out of feeling those things and tried to force the puzzle pieces to fit together. Now I know I don’t have to! I can still love the Church and believe in the core doctrine, but I don’t have to believe in everything! Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me that freedom. I hope someday I can give others that freedom too.

15 Aug 2013 wrote:

Over the years I have become dissolutioned with the church specifically because there seems to be no place for [me]…I have felt lonely and at times angry and most definitely confused. I have thought for many years that if I were only better, if my heart were more pure, if I was trying harder, etc., people would accept me.

I’ve since come to an understanding that culturally, accepting me and my children is nearly impossible for orthodox members to do. They simply don’t have the time or even understanding to reach out to us. They are busy trying to be a part of a very different community than the one I am a part of. [snip]

I didn’t know where to turn or what to do. Once I felt the disillusionment I did begin to do research and I did begin to find many conflicts with church history. This only served to worsen my feelings. I was definitely in a state of internal crisis. I even felt like I might have a nervous break down. Then I found your site and read your article. Thank you is all I can say. I feel like I can move forward. That I can stay mormon, continue to raise my children mormon and not lie about my beliefs. [snip]

I now have a more balanced realistic approach to how I view the gospel. It really is about my relationship with God, whoever that is. I have decided to remain active and be a part of the community, to whatever extent that may be. …But I also know, thanks to your article, that there are many ways to be a good Mormon. Thank you again!

29 Mar 2012 wrote:

I really believed that leaving the church would be the only option that would make me happy long-term due to the ‘church must be either true or false’ idea. I couldn’t really see the value that the Church provides in terms of spirituality and community until I found this forum. In the very few days since I’ve discovered this forum, my perception of church attendance, home teaching, scripture study has changed significantly

10 Jan 2013 wrote:

I have just finished reading your article “How to stay in the Church” and I have to say that it is the most comprehensive enlightening piece of literature I have read in the last 5 years. I happened into my disillusionment of the LDS church recently, and have been internet hopping for the last several years to try and make sense of all I have learned. …Thank you for your site. It is a breath of fresh air.

07 Jan 2013 wrote:

Your site has helped me so much. You are a Godsend to me. My heart has been opened to a new way of thinking and my faith renewed.

Thank you!!!

20 Apr 2012 wrote:

The ultimate end to our crisis has been “well, what are we going to do about it? Are we going to not baptize our son next year even though we have baptized his two older siblings? Are we going to leave the Church?”

Your essay was the answer to literally 99% of our questions, and for that we are SO GRATEFUL! The reconciliation strategies were absolutely written for US, especially the sections on understanding the brethren’s dilemma, cafeteria Mormons, and most importantly raising children. You have given us so much to MOVE FORWARD with, rather than looking back. We loved the essay so much we decided to print out all 33 pages to use as a ready reference!

If it were possible, we would recommend this essay to everyone we know! But, as you know, that won’t be possible…just know that if we could, we would…

[Anonymous]

Latest thank you letter (which includes all the other content and participation you guys contribute to the site)

---

Hi,

I wanted to thank you so much for the essay about how to stay in the church after a trial of faith. After reading it I felt way less troubled and angry, and I feel like I know where to go from here with adjusting my expectations and my perception of absolutes. It has been very helpful to me during an awful time.

Best,

Louise

---

[Anonymous]

Thanks Brian.

It seems a common response people are grateful and feel less anger. Made me wonder if anger is a defense for feeling alone and then blaming the church or others. When a person feels less threat they are the only one to deal with it (support helps), or they don’t feel so embarrassed they felt this way (others feel this way too), or there is less fear of the unknown (when they see the essay helps with ideas for moving forward), they are less angry.

Just a thought.

anyway, I like reading these.

[Anonymous]

Recent letter from someone thankful for the site:

---

Thank you for your Web site. The burden of being thoughtful has challenged me throughout my 38 years as an LDS Church convert. What I came to realize is that it does not matter if it were a real horse, or what Joseph interpreted as a horse . . . but what the story was teaching me. I have a testimony of the Book of Mormon, but do I know with absolute certainty that it is exactly as written? . . . No. And if it were not as it is purported to be, then is there deep value in the messages: absolutely yes. If yes, then it is full of truth and worthy of our study. And as we ponder deeper, horses and steel make no real impression. But the lessons and the meaning and value come through for us.

The same for the New and Old Testaments; many of the apocryphal writings from the early ages had stories that were just too fantastic for their time for inclusion into what is now the bible; but were full of great truths (e.g., St George and the Dragon). Some of the stories such as Noah come from an oral tradition so old we are not sure of their true origin at all. It does not change the meaning of the story. Uncle Remus tails have strong meaning and we readily pick out the fanciful from the reality; with Bible stories, it is more difficult because we use the term, “the word of God”. Consider the reported question to Christ, “which is the greatest commandment?” The answer summarizes all the past stories with clarity and meaning and should be the true basis of Doctrine; short and concise.

Regards with hope,

Stanley J.

[Anonymous]

Latest thank you letter about forums and How to Stay essay:

---

Hi there my name is Jennifer,

I just had to write you to say how grateful I am for your article on how to stay LDS after a faith crisis.

I am a convert of 19 years, have had a rock solid testimony for a large part of it yet over the last 5 or 6 have been venturing out of my Mormon orthodox beliefs. As a result I

have been experiencing a very scary faith crisis, as you can imagine. I felt I lost complete identity of myself. My reality exploded which made me

not want to live anymore! Horrible to admit but it’s true. This process had been going on for too long so I finally admitted it

to my husband about a year ago. I was so ashamed and felt I betrayed him and my children. To my surprise he has been SO open minded and linked me to your

website and as a result he too is opening up his views of religion and spirituality.

So “thank you” immensely for helping people like us out there. You are helping save marriages, families and lives!

God Bless you,

Jen

[Anonymous]

Made me tear up.

Thanks!

[Author]

Posts