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Probably not something you’re used to hearing from me — but the events of the last week have left me thankful for the church’s influence in my life in one respect. As I said in a different thread, my 16 year old daughter had to decide whether to date a non-member who I felt lacked certain moral or religious values — based on information I’d received, and my own intuition from some conversations my daughter had with him. The church’s position on dating among teenagers was something I hadn’t thought much about over the years. Their position — that steady dating should happen when seriously thinking about having a marriage partner — strikes me as very wise. As the church publications indicate — steady dating at a young age increases the risk of moral problems and can limit important experiences getting to know a wide variety of people. I also think it can lead to broken hearts at a young age, when there isn’t necessarily a point to it yet, as the teenagers aren’t old enough to be married yet, according to cultural norms.
Even better was my daughter’s independent decision to adopt the church’s position when the teenage dating experience came up recently. At a certain amount of emotional, personal sacrifice on her part afterwards. And AFTER she’s made the decision to actually date the person steadily, before she understood the church’s position. She did an about face as a result of her research and parental input.
Her decision to align herself with that teaching did a number of things. First, it helped me feel at peace. I was a bit worried about her early commitment to having a serious dating relationship — particularly with someone who didn’t seem to have a moral compass to guide him (no religious values, or philosophy of any kind).
The fact that she has a car and therefore, independence/circumstances I can’t control amplifies the relief. So, the presence of that teaching, actually helped me receive peace I otherwise wouldn’t have. Thanks church, for that. Normally, my life’s interactions with the church on important issues have led to stress, disappointment, disillusionment and depression, not peace.
The church influence also helped me arrive at my own philosophy of teenage dating, which actually harmonizes with the church’s position. My daughter seems committed to the church’s position, in spite of a bit of emotional aftermath and sacrifice required to make and follow through on that decision, and she says she feels good about it. So, our family has a unified philosophy now (at least, that’s what it seems), where in the past, we didn’t. Not a blindly followed philosophy, but one in which we see wisdom having made it our own. Triggered by a church teaching.
So, again, thanks to the church for giving us something to consider. It worked out this time.
[note to Heber — no judgmentalism here about the fact the guy was not a Mormon –just parental alarm bells after learning a few things. I am not overly concerned if my daughter dates someone outside the faith eventually — beyond the practical concerns over disunity in how to raise children, or the friction religious diversity can bring to a marriage. But that is a way off].
Love this. Happy for you. Thanks for sharing this, SD. It’s easy to get mired in the issues that trouble people, and things like this help keep a balance in the force.
Thank you for sharing this positive, SD. Looks like you’re doing the parenting gig quite well. 
You are absolutely right, SD – when I saw the thread title I was surprised to see the author. Thanks for sharing. I was brought up in a somewhat moral but nonreligious environment. One of the things I have come to value in the church is that it does teach good things, it helps people to be good and do good. Ray could comment on this better — but I think you’ve expressed the root of orthopraxy — a focus on good living rather than dogma. The church does encourage a lot of “right living”, if you can ignore a lot of the noise that comes with it. Yeah, although I have pretty much always been orthoprax to some extent (I lived the WoW even during all of those years of inactivity, for example) I have only recently begun to embrace the concept and recognize the things I do that aren’t necessarily done because I have some kind of testimony but because it’s just a good idea or it’s nice or it’s the right thing to do. Frankly, I think many members do things like this and we are probably all orthoprax to some extent or another. :think:
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