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This is a phrase I hear constantly at Church — “It isn’t appropriate to do …[insert some behavior here]”. “That’s not appropriate”…I don’t know where the phrase comes from, but I’ve discovered that usually when I hear that statement it’s about some kind of cultural norm, personal opinion, or some other policy that isn’t grounded in any real doctrinal reason. The other day, I was describing a conversation I had with someone at Church, and my wife piped up and said “it’s not appropriate to discuss that at Church”. It was something that affected myself and the person I was talking to, and I saw no rational reason for making it off-limits on a Sunday….from henceforth, I will reinterpret the statement “that’s not appropriate” to mean “it’s my personal opinion that….”
I see this is as another way to resolve the angst one feels at Church. So much of what we are expected to do is mere personal opinion.
My husband used to drive me nuts when he was in the church with, “Bridget, that’s unbecoming of a latter-day saint.” He often parented me and made me feel inferior. More and more I believe that when the Lord told me He withheld a testimony from my husband for a reason, it is becoming clear that it was because my husband would have used that knowledge to just Lord over his family and others. If you think someone is doing something inappropriate or wrong there has got to be a better way than this to relate that message to them. Especially not publically. Good point. I’ll throw out another interpretation: “I’m uncomfortable with that topic.”
Saying it isn’t appropriate for everyone else to talk about it can be a way of not owning one’s emotional response, by pushing it off as a “norm” on others.
I’ve mentioned the bad interpretation of “abstain from all appearance of evil” previously here, but I think that mistaken interpretation is part of the idea of inappropriateness in the Church. There also is the phrase stating that charity does not behave in an unseemly manner. I beleive firmly that there are some things that really are inappropriate to discuss at church – but almost none of them are religious in nature. They are personal and political.
Old-Timer wrote:I beleive firmly that there are some things that really are inappropriate to discuss at church – but almost none of them are religious in nature. They are personal and political.
I personally don’t like to talk about secular business at Church on Sunday, like talking about work or business ideas, or helping people with tax and accounting questions. If I get sucked in to that, I try to see if I can arrange instead to talk to them after church or call them on the phone during the week.
Brian Johnston wrote:Old-Timer wrote:I beleive firmly that there are some things that really are inappropriate to discuss at church – but almost none of them are religious in nature. They are personal and political.
I personally don’t like to talk about secular business at Church on Sunday, like talking about work or business ideas, or helping people with tax and accounting questions. If I get sucked in to that, I try to see if I can arrange instead to talk to them after church or call them on the phone during the week.
I’m surprised; for me just about anything is fair game at Church provided I’m talking to the person in the hall about it or similar. Now, if I know they are uncomfortable about it (like I know Brian is, for example, because he said it) then I’ll avoid a subject out of respect. But for me, one of the angst buttons on my control panel is how we make life inconvenient for reasons that don’t seem to have much benefit. If there is a matter that I need to clear up with someone and they are present, I’m present, and we have a moment to share, and it will save another game of phone tag or an email, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
For example, I walked into the clerk’s office on Sunday and asked if the clerk could print off my home teaching list which had disappeared recently. A counselor in the Bishopric said “you should work through your priesthood leader to get the home teaching list”. To me that was a pointless exercise because I was there, the person with access rights to print the list was there, the information was there, etcetera. I saw no reason for making me hunt down a priesthood leader for a nuisance item like that….I waited until the Counselor left and then the clerk printed it for me and I was off to my visits that afternoon.
Now, I wouldn’t sit down with someone’s tax return and go over it with them at Church if they had hired me to do so, or do anything time consuming, but for a quick commentary on how to handle a tax question someone asked me to do as a favor, I wouldn’t hesitate.
Part of what I find hard about Church is how I can’t seem to simply be myself half the time because people have personal opinions of how one should behave that I’ve never even thought of. Perhaps its my tendencies toward divergent thinking or the fact that through the years I’ve realized I’m wired differently than a lot of other people….I’ve had people I respect say that to me many times. As the ex-mission president said in the podcast on Biological research in homosexuality, “being odd is a burden”.
I cant’ really think of a lot of things that I’d find off-limits at church. I don’t even mind politics as long as the person agrees with me. 
SD, that counselor’s attitude about printing off the home teaching list is just completely annoying and
🙄 I had an incident where a member of my bishopric demanded my email address and cell phone number as I stood to leave Sacrament Meeting (with my family surrounding). I had to embarrass myself and the councilor by turning him down. His demand was inappropriate, especially given the church’s teaching regarding agency. He actually got quite loud, said, “So you won’t give the bishop these contacts to reach you quickly?” I said quietly, “I will give my cell phone number to the bishop, but only to the bishop, I choose not to go on a ward list.” He stormed off, doesn’t speak to me now, months later. He has by the way, been released from the bishopric. To be fair, this is a common issue everywhere, not just at church. Awhile ago, I was chewed out at work over something inappropriate I was involved in. I’ve learned that as long as I don’t discuss religion, politics, anatomy, sports, lifestyle choices, or share vacation photos or photos of my family, I do just fine. …and people wonder why I’m so quiet these days!
🙄 You are hilarious Steve! And just about right on as anything you say can be taken wrong, can’t it!
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