The calling I don’t want has finally come

[Anonymous]

Daeruin wrote:

Thanks for sharing. You give me courage. Did you give a reason for declining the call? How did that go down?

I did. It was something to the effect that it conflicted with family time and I needed to make that my priority. I ended up telling the counselor over the phone and it was over very quickly. There were no attempts to convince me or anything like that.

In my last meeting with my bishop I told him (as sort of an off handed comment) that I would like to go back to Primary when the ward schedule changes. It will have been a year since I was released. I believe that he is happy that I will soon be more engaged/participating in the ward. I believe that this helps for him to see me in a better light rather than just another obstinate shirker (this is important for me to establish goodwill and maintain access to church privileges such as baptizing my children or eventually conferring the priesthood of Aaron to DS).

[Anonymous]

Daeruin wrote:

So I’d need to get my boy advanced up through his Arrow of Light before he could join the scout troop.

That’s correct to officially join the troop. In my experience, the church run program is pretty loosy goosy…they are happy to have volunteers to make it run best, and there are some limits they won’t allow for insurance of things.

But just as a visitor friend can attend the activities without being officially part of the troop, you can bring your 10 year old too, and people will understand you’re spending time with your boy. If he wants to, and you want to.

It’s just an option and I doubt anyone would say anything if you just started doing it. They didn’t say anything to me. Of course, I never asked for an official answer…I just did it. I didn’t give him credit for passing off Scout ranks until he had his AOL.

[Anonymous]

nibbler wrote:

I’ve been without a church calling for about 7 months now. As strange as it sounds I desperately want to get back to serving in a calling in church.

Making people laugh online has been your calling.

[Anonymous]

Quick update. I decided to turn the calling down. I had a hard time picking up the phone to make the call. It’s tough to let go of the guilt and the desire to not disappoint anyone. I finally made the call on my way to work. It was to the 2nd councillor in the bishopric who extended the calling. I told him that after talking to my wife and pondering everything, I had finally decided to say no because I felt like the timing wasn’t right. My fear was that he would then try to talk me into it or give me a guilt trip. He’s a very nice, fun guy but is known to be very orthodox. His actual response was that I wasn’t the first one to ever turn down a calling and not to worry about it. I told him I appreciated that, and asked him to keep my in mind for future openings. I felt a little awkward about the whole thing, but it turned out pretty positive and I feel good about the outcome. Thanks for all the good advice, everyone!

[Anonymous]

First time turning down a calling is the hardest. I remember being somewhat shocked in one of my early HC meetings when the SP said something to the effect that it would be difficult to find someone qualified for a certain calling who would accept the call. A brief discussion about how often callings are turned down ensued. More recently it took us four tries to find a seminary teacher in one ward. It really does happen all the time (and more than when I was in a bishopric many years ago) – sometimes for legitimate reasons, sometimes just because people are people.

What matters is that you find peace.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update. It is good to keep the door open.

[Anonymous]

Cool. That sounds like a good experience. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Daeruin wrote:

I had a hard time picking up the phone to make the call. It’s tough to let go of the guilt and the desire to not disappoint anyone.

Thanks for updating the thread. The desire to fulfill duty and/or people-please is very strong and it’s hard to draw boundaries. I’m glad you’re finding out how it works for you.

[Anonymous]

DarkJedi wrote:

More recently it took us four tries to find a seminary teacher in one ward. It really does happen all the time (and more than when I was in a bishopric many years ago) – sometimes for legitimate reasons, sometimes just because people are people.

So I am thinking about business or product lifecycles. it starts with inception, then growth, then maturity, and finally decline (unless reinvention occurs). Does this work with religions? The catholic and Muslim faiths are not exactly in decline. Anyway I was thinking about how the suitability of a particular religion may decline as time passes and new circumstances emerge. I wonder if fewer and fewer people are in the mindset of serving in the church and more and more of us are shopping for a church that will do for us (yes, I know how selfish that sounds). Mormons are not immune to that larger societal trend. I wonder if fewer people taking callings will lead to greater dependence on a shrinking body of stalwarts – increasing burnout and further shrinking the candidate pool.

I know we hate priestcraft and all, but would it be so terrible to hire people for the most time consuming callings?

[Anonymous]

Roy wrote:

DarkJedi wrote:

More recently it took us four tries to find a seminary teacher in one ward. It really does happen all the time (and more than when I was in a bishopric many years ago) – sometimes for legitimate reasons, sometimes just because people are people.

So I am thinking about business or product lifecycles. it starts with inception, then growth, then maturity, and finally decline (unless reinvention occurs). Does this work with religions? The catholic and Muslim faiths are not exactly in decline. Anyway I was thinking about how the suitability of a particular religion may decline as time passes and new circumstances emerge. I wonder if fewer and fewer people are in the mindset of serving in the church and more and more of us are shopping for a church that will do for us (yes, I know how selfish that sounds). Mormons are not immune to that larger societal trend. I wonder if fewer people taking callings will lead to greater dependence on a shrinking body of stalwarts – increasing burnout and further shrinking the candidate pool.

I know we hate priestcraft and all, but would it be so terrible to hire people for the most time consuming callings?

I have thought about that too, Roy. We do “pay” our GAs and mission presidents already. Seminary teachers in the Corridor where there is release time seminary are paid (I realize this is their job), but early morning seminary teachers outside the Corridor are not paid – even though they put hours and hours into their callings as well. (I know this because my wife did it.) In times past ward and stake clerks were paid a stipend (I think I remember reading this about Gordan B. Hinckley). I’ve seen how hard bishops and stake presidents work, and I also know how hard and time consuming it is to be a YMP or YWP. Our EQP (who works two jobs to support his family) doesn’t have it that hard, really, but some EQPs and RSPs are really, really busy (our RSP is retired). Likewise, that Church Office Building is a big place with lots of employees, and so is the Church Administration Building (where the GAs actually work). I’d actually favor stipends for these busier callings – but then there is the dinosaur in the garden with favoritism/nepotism (which admittedly already happens) or perhaps being afraid to release someone because they just lost their job and are dependent on the stipend, or jealousy/rivalry, and a bunch of other worms from the opened can.

In the case of the seminary teacher I referenced earlier, all of them were good choices, well grounded in the gospel and able to work with kids, but their regular jobs were the concern (one was a corporate VP, one a college professor, and the other a full time student). I had been assigned to interview one of them and as soon as we began discussing his other commitments (including a young family and working professional spouse) it was clear he did not have time to do this kind of calling. Paying wouldn’t have made the difference for any of them. My son is doing online seminary this year, and I like it a lot and so does he. He’s getting much more out of it than he did sitting bleary eyed with cobwebs in his head in a 6 am class. I’d favor going completely to online seminary outside the Corridor wherever possible, and perhaps paying full time teachers to do it (they could even live in the Corridor).

[Anonymous]

Yes, I do know of churches that have had controversies and fueds related to who is compensated for what so this could easily get problematic.

I do like the idea about having professional instructors for the online seminary classes. There is potential there to reach a lot of students.

[Author]

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