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I believe that either the church is true, or it isn’t. I choose to believe that it is true. i came on this board with a bit of an attitude, partly because of frustration partly becaue I had frustration that was being fueled by health problems. I was seeking help from leaders and felt like I wasn’t getting it–and I really wasn’t. Finally, after my children stepped in and several of them contacted the stake president. My husband and I were called in and the stake pres said he would meet with us every Fast Sunday. I was told that I needed to work on getting myself well. My husband was told he needed to work on getting himself back to church. The stake pres met with a regularly for a number of months–and I felt like it was doing us good. I have been doing my part. I have been working on trying to get as well as possible—I will never get completely well, my health condition is not reversible and it will always be a daily challenge to be able to keep myself stable physically and mentally–but I’m working at it. I have hypopituitarism with adrenal insufficiency and hypothyroidism—and a bunch of vitamins and minerals that are too low, and hormone imbalances—some that will not stay in balance unless they are always supplemented.
Somewhere in my journey, i have been able to adjust my attitude. I have come to enjoy Sunday school, I have humbled myslef and apologized to several leaders. i feel so much better inside about the church–I’m sure I have a long way to go, but I’m feeling a definite change of heart.
I mentioned sometime back that my stake pres had just stopped meeting with us, but I was going to try and not let it bother me—well, my hubby and I still need his counsel, and it is starting to bother me that he just, “dropped” us. There was no saying that he felt like he had helped us as much as he could and he was no longer going to meet with us—he just stopped the regular visits—no explaination. My hubby and I have both felt like we were doing better—I feel it is more because I have improved and I choose not to engage in certain battles—although every argument that comes up, is blamed on me. I often choose to just apologize and shut up.
My husband has an issue that he has lied to me about for many years–the first time he told me, I felt nothing but compassion for him–I felt bad that he was struggling with this problem. He spoke with the bishop–I thought it was done. He refused to talk about it, told me it was none of my business, so I never really knew how much of a problem he had. I would ask him if he still had a problem and he told me no–he lied to me and admitted again there was still a problem. I once again believed he had conquered his challenge—once again I discovered he was lying to me. this time, I blew up–not because of his problem, but because he had been lying to me for so many years. His reaction was to become furious with me and tell me he wanted a divorce and yell obscenities at me. My husband had never yelled obscenities at me for the first 18 years of our marriage.
He didn’t really want a divorce, he was just mad that I had discovered his secret. He said he had never told me because he knew i would get mad and act like I had this time—-he had totally forgotten that when he first confessed his problem to me, I had given him nothing but compassion.
After the visits with the stake president. my husband reached a point where he would quite often tell me that he had conquered his challenge, that it wasn’t an issue anymore for him—as if he had been able to beat this thing and it was no longer even a temptation. Then just in the last 2 weeks, somehow it came out that he had once again given in to his past weakness—but it was only twice and it was about 6 months ago and i shouldn’t be upset at him for being human. He can’t seem to understand why I would have any problem trusting him. I reminded him about the talk in general conference that spoke of complete transparency in marriage. His problem is a problem I could definitely help him with–it would not even be a problem if it weren’t for his need to control and holding onto pride.
Because he was willing to talk to the stake president—i feel like we could really use some counsel right now. would I be out of line to call the stake president and ask him what happened to the regular visits he told us he would have with us?
The first presidency sent out a statement saying they got too many calls and letters from members, and, this is a quote, ” By reason of their callings, local leaders are entitled to the spirit of discernment and inspiration to enable them to counsel members within their jurisdiction.” There is more to it, basically saying that letters will be referred back to local leaders for handling. This is signed by all the members of the first presidency.
I realize we do not have trained clergy, but i also believe that the church is true–and if the prophet says that our leaders are entitled to the spirit of discernment and inspiration to enable them to counsel members within their jurisdiction—then i’m going to believe that my stake president should be able to help us. He was helping us when he followed through. I just don’t know why he stopped.
christine
Now that I vented my frustrations–I called the stake president’s wife, got his cell number–called him at work, and he answered!!! I didn’t have to leave a message. i told him I was feeling a little deserted, told him what was going on and told him I didn’t want to lose the good attitude I had gained. He didn’t want me to lose it, either. He plans to visit with us soon. It’s much better to just call and talk to someone than to stew over it and get upset—I’m especially glad I was able to catch him and actually talk to him. I’m not sure that the lapse in visiting with him was necessarily on purpose. He said his secretary was supposed to call us in on a regular basis, but that he had been so busy putting out fires. I’m sure there are plenty of problems our leaders deal with—-but I told him that I felt like I had a fire right now.
Can’t tell you how much better I feel already. I read him the quote from the first presidency and told him i believed it–he said he did to, and I told him we could really use some counsel or help right now.
It can be hard to hang on sometimes, when you feel like no one cares. I also remember reading a church talk about problems in marriage, and they mentioned that mental health or hormonal imbalances need to be checked out—I assume to see if they are coming in to play. We have recently discovered that my husband has low testosterone, and that he also has hashimoto’s, and his thyroid medication is not controlling it. He is hypothyroid, even on medication. I know that both these conditions can cause anger, irritability, tiredness, pain, etc. They are not excuses for bad behavior, but they help to explain why it is easier for my hubby to get mad and why he seems to have no desire to do anything but watch TV in bed when he gets home—-he is having a hard time getting through the day, and has been dealing with anxiety and depression—-i know that my imbalances make it very difficult for me to deal with stress—-our poor kids!!!!
Christine
(Hugs) and prayers for your continued strength. I am glad the phone call was successful. Sometimes when we can’t get hold of someone it escalates our worry, panic, and anger. It does sound like you will be moving forward. That is fantastic. In addition to the Stake President have you considered a family or marriage counselor. There are some fantastic ones available. The number who understand faith struggle and religious crisis in Mormondom are growing. I know they have been invaluable in other homes. You might want to pursue that because Stake Presidents are loaded with fires and it isn’t fully their profession to be a full time counselor. Also Stake Presidents get released and that can end up being it’s own challenge.
Like others have said, my heart and prayers are with you, on all fronts. Thank you for sharing – your candor offers me an opportunity to pray for another. I value that. I hope you continue to have a good day.
I’m not sure how to respond. Not that it is my business, but if you are taking about masturbation or porn…my response would be much different than if you were taking about something serious like say, adultery. Anyway. I hope you both get the medical help you need. Best of luck.
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