- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
You’ve heard them. They make you chuckle. They’re usually outlandish testimonies that check off 4 or 5 spots on your bingo card. A few months back, while my oldest brother’s and oldest sister’s families were in town, our dementia-ridden regular gave a testimony about one of his theories. He said that all the other worlds were modeled after this one, with all the same geography- the English Channel, Japan, the Panama Isthmus (y’know, before the canal), etc… Okay. A little bizarre and hard to swallow… But then he went on to say that the history was the same on all the planets- all the world wars, a Hitler, etc… He kept saying “it just makes sense” and such. My family referenced it all week.
A couple months later, he tried to say the same thing because he couldn’t remember if he did or not. The bishop stopped him and then he bore an actually good testimony.
When I was a YM, there was this one kid a little younger than me who would go up every month to make bizarre analogies between the gospel and some mundane object. He once compared the gospel to a jelly donut. I don’t remember any details of the comparison.
What have you seen?
One person stood up and said, “My grandmother is the sweetest person on earth. She’s a Democrat [he says woefully] but she lives the gospel”. I remember a lady recounting a bad experience with a malfunctioning microwave. Apparently she was wearing a metal bracelet and the waves caused it to heat up burning her wrist. She implored everyone to get rid of their microwaves. I also remember a speaker at some ward activity talking about the dangers of immunizations. I was not there but my friend, who was a dentist, was pretty worked up about the presentation calling it pseudo-science and scare tactics. The next Sunday, the bishop made an announcement that the church was in generally in favor of immunizations.
Beefster wrote:
When I was a YM, there was this one kid a little younger than me who would go up every month to make bizarre analogies between the gospel and some mundane object. He once compared the gospel to a jelly donut.
That is cruel to bring up while everyone is fasting.Personally, I love it when someone quotes Star Wars, or Lord of the Rings. I also once heard that dinosaurs were pre-flood, but that Noah was commanded not to bring them on the ark; a testament to the undeniable truthfulness of the gospel. I have to go with “God helped us find a boat.” The story was that this lady and her hubby wanted a boat and had been looking all over. One day while running errands she felt “prompted” that she go down this one street she never goes down and lo and behold there’s a boat for sale and it turns out to be just what they wanted and just what they wanted to pay. And lest we think God wouldn’t care if they had a boat, it was explained that the purpose of the boat was for fellowshipping. That beats any mundane car key story. We have had people get up and complain not enough of the priesthood were giving testimonies (a woman), another complaining too many Chinese were and not enough locals… The usual problems are the robots and the bores. The bores practically have to be taken off with a hook, and the robots do everything by numbers. The latter often either go inactive or end up in leadership positions.
I can’t do it justice, but we had 2 brothers that were “good ole boys” that lived to hunt. They would get up all the time, with tears in their eyes and quivering voices, tell about how God helped their coon dogs corner a coon up in a tree. Or the one time they were hunting for deer on the Sabbath and he stumbled upon a 10-pointer (points on the antlers) very close to him and the deer had not yet noticed him. So he pulled up the gun and he didn’t even need to use the scope since he was so close. He aimed for the heart (am sure all the little kids were like
😯 ) and pulled the trigger! Click, but no bang. The gun didn’t fire and the deer was gone. He said he let out some cuss-words (and then glanced back at the bishop who was trying not to laugh) and then realized that the deer was across a fence outside of the deer lease. He felt God helped him from illegally shooting a deer that wasn’t on his lease. This was emotionally hard for him to get out and the tears were flowing. The guy was the nicest guy you could meet, but most everyone in the congregation was biting their lip trying not to be disrespectful and bust out laughing.As I’ve said elsewhere not a fan of small children’s testimonies. SamBee wrote:
As I’ve said elsewhere not a fan of small children’s testimonies.
Something like this:“I love to bear my testimony. I know the church is true. I love my mom and dad and my brothers and sisters…. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”
I call them canned testimonies.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.