The Gift of Being Broken

[Anonymous]

The following post is on lds.org. Posts like this, and the fact that the Church is publishing it, give me hope that things truly are changing.

https://www.lds.org/blog/the-gift-of-being-broken?lang=eng

As always, feel free to excerpt anything that resonates in you.

[Anonymous]

I identify with the opening sentence:

Quote:

Sometimes I just feel broken.

It can be framed and worded as a gift from god…but I do not thing god makes it happen. It is just life. We are bound to be broken in this life, and struggle to find ways to stay sane and find our joy and happiness.

I’m broken. Trying to heal. Some days I feel better about it than others.

I guess the thread I started the other day about God liking a faith crisis was along those lines of thinking. I have been doing other readings also about accepting that things are broken and not perfect, and that is OK in this life.

Sometimes “Broken” is the story I am telling myself.

While I “feel” broken, the truth is I am not. I am just the way I am supposed to be. The here and now is the struggle to enjoy. It is the journey that matters, not how I frame my “wholeness” or “brokenness” along the way. My dog doesn’t feel broken. She just lives in the moment, is happy, or barks, or chases a squirrel, or growls at other dogs. I sometimes try to learn from the animals that way…if I can just be more present and more in the moment…then I am less apt to compare myself to another state when I was more healthy and less broken, or my wishes of being less broken in the future. Instead…I am just me.

As I said, some days I’m better at it than other days.

[Anonymous]

Great comment, Heber.

Whether it is seen as a gift or not, I just love the message of everyone being broken and being loved in their brokenness – and that needs to be repeated – and repeated – and repeated.

I have read and heard it more in the last few years than in the rest of my lifetime, and I am glad that is the case.

[Anonymous]

Old Timer wrote:

The following post is on lds.org. Posts like this, and the fact that the Church is publishing it, give me hope that things truly are changing.

(This isn’t about the post itself.) I really like that they’re opening up and experimenting with blogs. I’m just not seeing where to find them! This is on the first screen at lds.org, but is there a one- or two-click route to all of them? I looked in the drop-down menu and not finding…

[Anonymous]

Heber13 wrote:

While I “feel” broken, the truth is I am not. I am just the way I am supposed to be. The here and now is the struggle to enjoy. It is the journey that matters, not how I frame my “wholeness” or “brokenness” along the way. My dog doesn’t feel broken. She just lives in the moment, is happy, or barks, or chases a squirrel, or growls at other dogs. I sometimes try to learn from the animals that way…if I can just be more present and more in the moment…then I am less apt to compare myself to another state when I was more healthy and less broken, or my wishes of being less broken in the future. Instead…I am just me.

Well said, Heber.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Brokenness is a gift.

Why? Because our brokenness connects us to each other, and our brokenness brings us to Christ. It is by bringing our broken hearts to Him that we are made whole.

Sharing our brokenness brings meaning to our experiences, and the connection we make with others when we share our stories brings healing.

Someone I love just came out of an addiction recovery program that saved her life. Everyone there (just like us all) was broken. The lucky ones knew it. The aware ones asked for help. The ones with understanding and acceptance of their brokenness have a chance of recovery.

[Anonymous]

I see brokenness as a gift when it’s necessary. When it serves no purpose, other than to make people suffer (whether intentionally given or not), it makes little sense to me whatsoever.

Recently, in Teacher’s Council, one person raised a problem with a teenager who is a scientist. Very intelligent, fact driven, and knowledgeable. The teacher is an artsy person who teaches out of testimony and faith. The student puts her down a lot, has no respect for the teacher, and openly thinks coming to class is a waste of time.

I thought this was a perfect place for an ” engineer broken spirit” experience — in a kind, compassionate way. I suggested a classwide pre-test, post-test exercise regarding the facts and faith oriented principles associated with a lesson the teacher would give. The pre-test would be so hard that the most anyone could get on it would be 30%. This would “break” the student, and show they do NOT know it all. The teacher would then teach the lesson, sharing a mixture of faith and fact-based material. The class would do the post-test and each participant would see what they learned. There would no doubt be dramatic improvement in their knowledge on the post-test.

So, in this case, the light breaking of the pride the teenage class member showed had a purpose — to induce an awareness that things CAN be learned in the SS teachers’ class.

Other situations have happened to me over the years. I worked closely with a narcissistic person for a while, and they wreaked havoc with my life, my relationships with others — I was so confused about why everything was going wrong in that situation. It seemed I could not nothing right, that everyone was against me. Every aspect of my essence – my appearance, my skills in the situation, my equipment, my profession were a target for potshots — It was awful. Someone indicated the behavior sounded like someone with narcissistic personality disorder. I read books and realized that was it. The person even admitted once that they had the disorder. They had caused me a lot of pain, a lot of angst, a lot of injury. I had to leave one situation broken and defeated. And it served no purpose whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

One of the speakers in Sacrament Meeting yesterday has suffered a lot in his life. He said he believes there is no greater good in suffering only – that suffering can break people or give them strength. He said it’s not the suffering that is the key but how we see it and what we do with it.

It reminded me of the scripture in the Book of Mormon that talks about sorrow that causes repentance / salvation and sorrow that causes damnation.

Also, at the heart of the core definition, there can be no atonement (making something “at one” again) if that something is not broken in some way – or, using a different analogy I like even better, if that something is not malleable enough to be molded into a higher form than its current state.

[Anonymous]

Old Timer wrote:

One of the speakers in Sacrament Meeting yesterday has suffered a lot in his life. He said he believes there is no greater good in suffering only – that suffering can break people or give them strength. He said it’s not the suffering that is the key but how we see it and what we do with it.

True but I have the concern that statements like that can become another burden that a sufferer feels like they must bear. I.e. my trials broke me, I should have been able to leverage my trials to make me stronger but ultimately I couldn’t, I am therefore even more broken.

It’s almost like victim blaming perpetuated from within. I hope I’m communicating that properly.

“Broken” is another one of those terms that means different things to different people. Is it a realization that I am something less than an imagined ideal? Is it an acknowledgement that the imagined ideal feels unattainable? Is a sense of brokenness overcome by letting go of the ideal, adjusting the ideal, or finding ways to improve? And yes, it can be a combination of all those. Who sets the ideal. Oneself? Society? God?

I tend to complicate things. I’m broken that way.

[Anonymous]

Old-Timer wrote:

Also, at the heart of the core definition, there can be no atonement (making something “at one” again) if that something is not broken in some way – or, using a different analogy I like even better, if that something is not malleable enough to be molded into a higher form than its current state.

I like that – malleable instead of broken.

[Anonymous]

Ann wrote:

Quote:

Brokenness is a gift.

Why? Because our brokenness connects us to each other, and our brokenness brings us to Christ. It is by bringing our broken hearts to Him that we are made whole.

Sharing our brokenness brings meaning to our experiences, and the connection we make with others when we share our stories brings healing.

Someone I love just came out of an addiction recovery program that saved her life. Everyone there (just like us all) was broken. The lucky ones knew it. The aware ones asked for help. The ones with understanding and acceptance of their brokenness have a chance of recovery.

This sounds alot like my story. The process is difficult to go through & difficult to watch when another person goes through it.

It takes time. It is not an event & it’s over. I thank God everyday for support groups like AA that helps us get through the process.

I was broken. I will be again if I choose to drink again. It was through AA that I learned the meaning of Gratitude.

Gratitude goes from hope that life will be better. Not the same but better.

[Anonymous]

Ann wrote:

Everyone there (just like us all) was broken. The lucky ones knew it. The aware ones asked for help. The ones with understanding and acceptance of their brokenness have a chance of recovery.

Minyan Man wrote:

Gratitude goes from hope that life will be better. Not the same but better.

nibbler wrote:

“Broken” is another one of those terms that means different things to different people. Is it a realization that I am something less than an imagined ideal? Is it an acknowledgement that the imagined ideal feels unattainable? Is a sense of brokenness overcome by letting go of the ideal, adjusting the ideal, or finding ways to improve? And yes, it can be a combination of all those. Who sets the ideal. Oneself? Society? God?

I tend to complicate things. I’m broken that way.

Old-Timer wrote:

suffering can break people or give them strength. He said it’s not the suffering that is the key but how we see it and what we do with it.

I like these thoughts, and I have tried through my experiences to not just try to rationalize things, and say I’m broken but it is OK, but actually truly find ways to accept myself and be aware, as Ann said.

I didn’t know for sure if I could let go of perfectionism, and accept my life, my family, and my faith will never be what I thought it should be.

Then…I found my dear sweet wife. She went through divorce like I did. She was broken like me. She was perfect for me…not because I could try to compromise my views and just deal with it…

…but in all reality, for me…she was perfect precisely BECAUSE of what she went through and how she could see me in a light others could not.

And I came across this term in my readings: Kintsukuroi

Quote:

kintsukuroi

n. “to repair with gold”; the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver lacquer and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.

[attachment=0]kintsukuroi3.png[/attachment]

It is not simply any mended object automatically increases its appreciation but…that the gap between the vanity of pristine or perfect appearance and the fractured manifestation of mortal fate is precisely what deepens its appeal.

In other words, the proof of its fragility and its resilience is what makes it beautiful.

In every sense of the words, my wife is simply more beautiful to me because she is who she is today over and above anyone else who might have had a perfect life with no suffering ever. As nibbler mentions, broken (and therefore perfect), are terms that mean different things based on our point of view.

As Minyan Man mentions…it is not the same…but better.

This can directly apply to our testimonies of the gospel. They can be broken. Not because we are weak. Not because we don’t have enough faith. Sometimes it is because God wants us to see that it can be mended, and afterwards never be the same…

…but better. Precisely because we have been broken, we are better.

[Anonymous]

The article said:

Quote:

There are many ways to feel broken—physically, because of illness or injury; emotionally, because of unfulfilled desires or loss of a relationship; mentally, because of anxiety, depression, or other mental illness; or spiritually, because of crippling doubts or crises of faith. In the midst of all these, it can be easy to agonize over whether or not we can ever be acceptable to God or be of use in His kingdom because we’re so human and broken. I know I feel that way sometimes.

Does everyone (on this site) who has gone through a FC feel broken at some point?

I’ve never looked at it that way. Maybe I had to go through a FC, become an Alcoholic, go through recovery & AA, before I could reconcile with Church

and move on? There is a similarity between AA & this site. Anonymous support, recovery & new insight how to live my life & my religion.

Thanks everyone.

I love the analogy of how to repair the broken pottery with gold thread.

[Anonymous]

I like the broken pot analogy as well. I can see how people that are broken in the same way are in a unique position to empathize more fully and help us fill in the missing pieces. I can also see how we can rely on the strengths of others to fill in the gaps when interacting with people that are broken in different ways.

Minyan Man,

Thanks for singling out that quote. I want to make a few changes to it to see what people think:

There are many ways to feel broken—physically, because of illness or injury; emotionally, because of unfulfilled desires or loss of a relationship; mentally, because of anxiety, depression, or other mental illness; or spiritually, because of crippling doubts or crises of faith. In the midst of all these, it can be easy to agonize over whether or not we can ever be acceptable to ourselves or be of use in the world because we’re so human and broken. I know I feel that way sometimes.

Minyan Man wrote:

Does everyone (on this site) who has gone through a FC feel broken at some point?

I think everyone feels broken at some point regardless of where they are in their journeys. I believe it’s the quest to fix the brokenness that keeps us moving along our path.

[Anonymous]

This is a concept that has special meaning for me.

When my daughter was stillborn I felt that I had failed to protect her. More troubling was the recognition that it is not within my power to ensure protection for my family in the future. I am not enough. I am inadequate to do what I so wish I could do.

This was difficult for my Mormon sense of repentance to handle. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I just wasn’t enough and I needed to feel forgiveness for my limitations.

I found what I was looking for in the worship service and altar call at a local Baptist church.

Quote:

You stood before creation

Eternity within Your hands

You spoke all life into motion

My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure

And carried the cross for my shame

My sin weighed upon Your shoulders

My soul now to stand

So what can I say

And what could I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

So I’ll walk upon salvation

Your Spirit alive in me

This life to declare Your promise

My soul now to stand

So what can I say

And what could I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

So what can I say

And what could I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

So I’ll stand

With arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

I’ll stand

My soul Lord to You surrendered

All I am is Yours

I sang with tears streaming down my face. It was ok. I was accepted and covered in my inadequacy. There was nothing to prove. I was His before I spoke my first word. I was precious and loved as a dependent, mewling, and helpless babe. I am still.

[Author]

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