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Here in Arizona a very large number of snowbirds come every winter. There are also a fair number of older folks who simply retire and live here. A double standard seems to exist for seniors who 1) travel to visit grandchildren or whatever reason seem to get a pass for not attending church but 2)those who live here permanently but don’t attend church seem to be regarded as less faithful. Once I retire I can see myself wanting church more than right now. I imagine I’ll want the community and sense of belonging but then again if I feel like a second class citizen maybe not. It does seem that seniors are rarely called for the seemingly more prestigious callings of working with the youth.
At least from what I’ve noticed, both on my mission and even now, Seniors tend to get a free pass with most things in Church. Attendance, callings, (formerly) home teachin/visit teaching, filtering their more bizzare in-class comments… I think people are a lot more willing to let them set their own boundaries with the Church, due to health issues, family, and long-time standing within the Church. For everyone else, the Church is a little more keen on telling us when and how to participate, and lay the guilt on thick if we don’t. But for seniors, the (justifiable) leniency the Church gives them makes it a bit easier for them to slip between the cracks. I think relevancy factors in as well. I was talking to a faithful woman in her mid-80’s recently and she said point blank: “Old people are in visible to the average ward-member.” “Old people” get assigned friends (ministers, nee HTers/VTers). They don’t have important callings. The movers and shakers of the wards are typically looking laterally or downward in the age scale. There are all kinds of activities for the youth and social groups among the parent-aged, but what activities do seniors get socially? Seniors aren’t going to be invited to participate in the ward softball or basketball activity or encouraged to be at the park for the annual Turkey Bowl, of course, but there’s usually no substitute. In my ward there used to be a lot of HP parties, and although “High Priest Party” sounds like an oxymoron, it was pretty enjoyable to have a gathering of the 50+ crowd. HP Leadership changed and that fell off. It will be non-existent now.
In other words, I wouldn’t blame the victim.
Our ward has an Empty Nesters group that meets monthly to socialize. Our ward has travelers, and it impacts what callings they can hold.
Overall health and energy also play a role. We live in a retirement culture, so it is easy and natural for older members to fade from the daily grind of membership. “They leave because they are tired” also applies to those who stay but cut way back on their involvement.
Yes, I believe many older members cut back on their involvement after their kids leave home, especially if the youngest leave school when they are nearing 60-ish and contemplating retirement. I don’t know all that many, however, who become traditionally inactive in the later years over stereotypical testimony issues. In my experience, those members fade away before they become “seniors” and become completely inactive.
I think this is down to many things. I know a couple who spend many months in another country. I can’t blame them. I’d do the same if I had the money. Some decades ago, it would have been very expensive for them to live or visit there half the year. Now it is very easy and fairly cheap.
Also, people are in good shape far older now. Look at old pictures of people in their forties, and they look ancient. Many people – at least in developed countries – are in pretty rude health into their sixties and even seventies now, whereas before they would tend to become infirm or even die off at that age.
After reading OON and Curt’s last posts in this tread I’m convinced that I’ve aged prematurely. I’m tired, already feel invisible, and it feels like the church is set up to meet needs of people much younger than myself. 🙂 We have a lot of empty nest families and seniors – especially divorced sisters. They run a weekly FHE group and weekly Book of Mormon study class (in conjunction with 2 of our new member couples).
One of them was my Visiting Teacher – and I emailed her every month to let her know how we were doing and provide something to smile about. I wasn’t interested in finding time and schedules for a specific visit, or phone call – so there you go
She came up to me on Sunday with a frown on her face and checked in to see if I knew I wasn’t on her list anymore. She had enjoyed the email correspondence and felt closer to me and my family – she made sure I knew that if I needed something that she could help me with, she would be happy to do so.
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