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LookingHard wrote:
Ten doesn’t surprise me. Sounds normal.
Agreed.
Our youngest daughter asked us at the age of 10 how she could tell if she was lesbian. Kids are exposed to things now much earlier than they were in the past – even the quite recent past.
SamBee wrote:
Spocklover wrote:
SamBee wrote:
10 years old and a girl!
Yes…your point? Not trying to sound rude but I am curious where you are going with this.
I’m shocked at this combination. Usually it’s boys and two or three years older than this. But ten – good grief!
Admittedly I got exposed to p younger than that, but not through choice.
I think this line of thought was a huge reason it went on for a bit without my knowledge. We tend to think of only teenage boys having this problem. It can happen to anyone at almost any age.
I was only seven when I first saw it. You can thank the other boys at my school. Back then you had to go out and buy which I didn’t. I also heard about sexual abuse when I first went to that school. Talk about a rude awakening.
As with other things that parents deal with, the key is handling it, despite how it happened or when or what age. It has happened, and there are confusing thoughts for the child as they figure out life and bodies.
Use the teaching moments to reiterate what is natural and good, and how choices also impact our future of who we become.
My guess is the discussions will change with age and what they can absorb and process.
Kids today are exposed to so many adult things way before we wish they would…but with technology in their hands…it is more and more common for them to be experimenting and dealing with curious things they can anonymously explore.
my point is…no matter if the topics are introduced through healthy natural conditions or unhealthy and unchosen methods….the bottom line is to teach correct principles in the home about identity and sexuality, encourage healthy habits and proper self control. You wan to avoid making more problems and letting things get twisted in the mind, or having them learn things from sources outside the home that might now have the child’s best interests at heart and not presenting it right.
The thing you don’t want to do is avoid talking about it because it is awkward.
Find the right moments to talk about it so she grows up with healthy views of herself and human sexuality. She is going to see stuff in the world, so maybe you need to explain how to process things… like telling them Hollywood wants to portray things unrealistically because they try to make money…not because that stuff really reflects reality. Kind of like how Wonder Woman movies have sensationalized stories for entertainment. It’s not real. There are no magic powers, there is life we live in and need to separate fantasy from real life and not get confused about what creates lasting love and happiness.
I would also ask if she feels shame and guilt. That can eat away at a teenager and healthy personal development and self talk. She may need help if she carries a load of emotions around with her.
Try to teach moderation and balance and self discipline in all things. In the long run, she is better off learning key principles for what she is seeing in life. Avoid fear and shame about P&M, and try to think what she needs to know about sexuality that helps her grow up healthy and happy. It is not wrong to establish rules in the home to try to teach good habits or avoid bad habits, as their young minds often cannot think deeply enough to find balance themselves. Help them live healthy and balanced lives so they build self esteem and self respect.
Old Timer wrote:
Our youngest daughter asked us at the age of 10 how she could tell if she was lesbian.Kids are exposed to things now much earlier than they were in the past – even the quite recent past.
I don’t think ten is normal at all. It shows how twisted western society has become. It has a great hypocrisy about it – there is a huge fear of pedophilia and molesters in it, but not only does it openly target children with sexualized products (which can be seen within films, TV, music and clothing aimed at them), but there is even a kind of image of idealized women, which uses childish imagery… you have clothing models who pout above barely developed breasts, singers like Katy Perry who actively exploit a combo of childish imagery and sexuality (if you want an example – look up her video Californian Girls – it is work safe but disturbing on many levels)…
Like I said earlier, I got exposed early to p, but not through personal choice or seeking it out. Although I kind of had “girlfriends” at an early age, I didn’t have any real erotic interests until much later. A couple of girls, did the old “show me yours and I’ll show you mine” – I think that was fairly common, but we weren’t doing anything more complex than that. No kissing even. At 11, I had the flickerings of interest in the opposite sex, but only at 12/13 did it really start. By 14, yes I was very interested in girls, but at those ages, four years is a vast amount of time… as someone once said, we live half our lives before we get to eighteen.
It is worth pointing out that sex at ten or eleven is very unhealthy for girls and can cause cervical cancer and internal damage. Worth pointing this out perhaps. It does go on. I remember years ago, a friend of mine found a couple of eleven year olds at it in his garden!
I agree with many of your points Sam about our society being messed up sexually. I heard a quote yesterday that said, “we are so repressed sexually that we are obsessed about sex.” We can’t have normal healthy conversations about sex. I will not dispute that having sex at a very early age is bad, emotionally for sure. In the case that was brought up, I don’t think that was even an issue. Just because someone has watched some porn or masturbated does not shoot up the probability of having sex. If so, most teenagers would have had sex.
LookingHard wrote:Just because someone has watched some porn or masturbated does not shoot up the probability of having sex. If so, most teenagers would have had sex.
A lot of them are though….
Mormons are in an odd position – they are buttoned up people often living in societies which are over-obsessed with it. Sex is used to sell products of every variety, and there is also infantilisation….
We’re seeing pre-pubescent girls with anorexia now. Some tweens, or whatever they call them these days, are probably wondering why their school friends aren’t interested in them or why they don’t feel much for them romantically when they’re simply too young to do so.
We also hear about how LGBT are put under heavy pressure to be straight… but not how pop culture continually encourages people to experiment to find theor sexuality – not only does this encourage promiscuity, but also confusion because they’re doing things with people before they have formed feelings or a relationship with them… and basing their entire attitude towards a gender on the success or failure with one person.
There’s also an attempt to conflate friendship and romantic feelings which I think is dangerous too.
Speaking of… did you hear about that “Grace and Frankie” billboard, of the two old ladies holding vibrators, which caused a number of auto accidents? I remember reading about it on the news a while back… crazy how those products can be displayed out in the open like that. Back on topic, have any of you heard of or read into the German philosopher Hegel (1770-1830)?
He noticed a pattern in societies, which he termed “the dialectic”SamBee wrote:It is worth pointing out that sex at ten or eleven is very unhealthy for girls and can cause cervical cancer and internal damage. Worth pointing this out perhaps. It does go on. I remember years ago, a friend of mine found a couple of eleven year olds at it in his garden!
My entire reason for this post was for help and support. For a few like-minded new friends to tell me wasn’t a horrible mom. I admit I am probably overly sensitive at the moment but I don’t think this was “worth” pointing out to me. Obviously when I found this out my mind thought of all the horrible places this could lead. But I am trying to handle this situation the best I can without loosing my mind. So I just kindly ask that comments be kept to those things supportive and helpful.
:thumbup: Old Timer wrote:
Our youngest daughter asked us at the age of 10 how she could tell if she was lesbian.Kids are exposed to things now much earlier than they were in the past – even the quite recent past.
If I had known about variation in human sexuality at age 8, I would have identified as strongly heterosexual. Among other things, my fantasies about marrying my piano teacher’s granddaughter would have confirmed it. If I had had fantasies about a boy my age and known what “gay” meant, I might have asked.
I even fantasized about sleeping with her. I didn’t know what we would
actually doin bed besides sleep, mind you. Maybe that’s the biggest difference between then and now. Spocklover wrote:
SamBee wrote:It is worth pointing out that sex at ten or eleven is very unhealthy for girls and can cause cervical cancer and internal damage. Worth pointing this out perhaps. It does go on. I remember years ago, a friend of mine found a couple of eleven year olds at it in his garden!
My entire reason for this post was for help and support. For a few like-minded new friends to tell me wasn’t a horrible mom. I admit I am probably overly sensitive at the moment but I don’t think this was “worth” pointing out to me. Obviously when I found this out my mind thought of all the horrible places this could lead. But I am trying to handle this situation the best I can without loosing my mind. So I just kindly ask that comments be kept to those things supportive and helpful.
:thumbup:
It is worth pointing out
to her.With this kind of thing, you can’t mince words. It’s not a good place to be, but you are at it.
Moderator note: Let’s try to be respectful of each others’ feelings and desires for support. Being blunt and straightforward are sometimes very appropriate. Other times we need to exercise discretion. I think we all know that I’m not the best at this either, but one of the great beauties of our wonderful little branch here on the forum is how we respect each other and learn from, teach, and grow from the experiences and commonalities we share here. ‘Nuf said. 
Spocklover, At a time like this, you almost wish you didn’t love your kids so much, or want their lives to unfold a certain way so badly.
Oh, my goodness, yes, this isn’t a talk for her and the bishop.
If you think it would help you, it would probably help responders here to know more about her side of the conversation. Is she emotional about it, casual, in conversation with other kids, seeking it out very privately, etc. If it’s distressing to go into more detail, I get that. Maybe it’s not helpful for us to put it under a microscope.
From where I sit, the worry is understandable, but you don’t have anything to feel guilty about.
(And breathe! In and out slowly for a minute or two. You’re there, dealing with it.)
Quote:My entire reason for this post was for help and support. For a few like-minded new friends to tell me wasn’t a horrible mom. I admit I am probably overly sensitive at the moment but I don’t think this was “worth” pointing out to me. Obviously when I found this out my mind thought of all the horrible places this could lead. But I am trying to handle this situation the best I can without loosing my mind. So I just kindly ask that comments be kept to those things supportive and helpful.
:thumbup: Spocklover
You’re not a horrible mom. You just simply have discovered what all parents discover: at some point, children make their own decisions, both good and bad. It’s TOUGH!!!
I’ve had a son and a daughter who have both struggled to one degree or another with pornography. My son didn’t surprise me though my daughter did (as she tends to be more straight-laced). My son’s problem was more significant, however. My daughter quickly confessed to us about what she had done and even felt “addicted.” (For the record, she was not. It was a momentary weakness). It took some pretty significant counseling to help my son address his issue (though I am uncomfortable with the notion that he was “addicted.” But it was definitely a bad habit that was keeping him from experiencing the life the way he wanted to.)
I don’t know the entire situation with your daughter but I know that in both cases when my daughter came to me as well as my son (at least eventually…we knew he was struggling with it long before he finally admitted it) our reaction was pretty calm, cool and controlled. I made it clear that they were still good people and that we loved them. Weaknesses and flaws are a part of all our lives. I’m sure you are responding in the best way possible to your daughter’s situation (you know her better than any of us do). I also believe that this doesn’t have to color the rest of her life.
You’re not alone in your struggles and concerns! Don’t get down on yourself but focus on resolving the issue as best you can.
:thumbup:
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