- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
Ann wrote:
Spocklover,At a time like this, you almost wish you didn’t love your kids so much, or want their lives to unfold a certain way so badly.
Oh, my goodness, yes, this isn’t a talk for her and the bishop.
If you think it would help you, it would probably help responders here to know more about her side of the conversation. Is she emotional about it, casual, in conversation with other kids, seeking it out very privately, etc. If it’s distressing to go into more detail, I get that. Maybe it’s not helpful for us to put it under a microscope.
From where I sit, the worry is understandable, but you don’t have anything to feel guilty about.
(And breathe! In and out slowly for a minute or two. You’re there, dealing with it.)
Thank you! I am starting to feel better, it just came as such a shock. We have a new bishop who is pretty great but I still felt like this was a matter for us to deal with at her age.
She was pretty embarrassed but casual I guess. Didn’t really understand a lot of it and why it was wrong. Her reasoning was mostly that she was curious and wanted to know more. She has been looking privately at home, sneaking onto things while we were in bed at night. (She is a night owl). We have added passwords to things now. She promised she hasn’t been talking to anyone else about it.
I believe part of the issue is that she has been going through puberty at an early age, she started early stages a few years ago. None of her close friends are showing any signs so she feels out of place. She almost as tall as me and catching up in many “other” ways. So she is trying to make sense of her body and emotions at such an early age. We have had lots of puberty talks so she knows what is going on logically.
*This is my first post besides my intro so I am steal figuring out how to word things and all, forgive me.
I think that’s what a lot of it is with tweens/young teens – they’re curious and they know it’s there and easy to get at. Granted such curiosity can lead to addiction, but I don’t think it always or even usually does. Likewise youngsters could get a skewed idea of what sex is about from watching porn, especially the more off the beaten path sort. I think that’s where parents come into play in teaching appropriate sexual behaviors when they are ready for that kind of teaching. We went through a very similar thing when we essentially caught our son in the act of looking at porn (he had actually just turned it off) but he was a bit older. Nonetheless, it’s still a shock and we already did have some blocking software in place. We upped the ante after that (I highly recommend OpenDNS). One other tip: block Tumblr if you are able – there’s an unbelievable amount of porn on there.
DarkJedi wrote:
We upped the ante after that (I highly recommend OpenDNS). One other tip: block Tumblr if you are able – there’s an unbelievable amount of porn on there.
Thank you for the suggestion, I have never been on Tumblr so that is good to know. It is amazing where it shows up, I have stumbled across it on Pinterest sadly.
Gerald wrote:
I also believe that this doesn’t have to color the rest of her life.
I heartily agree. Frankly as a kid I hid magazines under my bed. There were several sexual interactions with other boys (walking the line between specificity and generality, I suppose it would be classified under touching or “petting”).
I say this not because I feel that that was good or necessary, or something that I would want for my own child. I say it because I believe that I am a happy, well adjusted, person who has found much sexual fulfillment in a normal marriage. It did not ruin me.
I firmly believe that we can go overboard with the “dire consequences,” especially in the case of youthful curiosity/experimentation/indiscretion.
Roy wrote:
Gerald wrote:
I also believe that this doesn’t have to color the rest of her life.
I heartily agree. Frankly as a kid I hid magazines under my bed. There were several sexual interactions with other boys (walking the line between specificity and generality, I suppose it would be classified under touching or “petting”).
I say this not because I feel that that was good or necessary, or something that I would want for my own child. I say it because I believe that I am a happy, well adjusted, person who has found much sexual fulfillment in a normal marriage. It did not ruin me.
I firmly believe that we can go overboard with the “dire consequences,” especially in the case of youthful curiosity/experimentation/indiscretion.
I agree and I think there are many who had experiences very similar to yours. I did also. Hiding porn under the bed/mattress is kind of cliche, but back in the day it was common practice.
Quote:I believe part of the issue is that she has been going through puberty at an early age, she started early stages a few years ago. None of her close friends are showing any signs so she feels out of place. She almost as tall as me and catching up in many “other” ways. So she is trying to make sense of her body and emotions at such an early age. We have had lots of puberty talks so she knows what is going on logically.
A friend’s daughter experienced what at the time was called precocious puberty, but maybe it’s just plain old “early” now. I know this doesn’t really have anything to do with how you handle the P and M issues, but maybe her pediatrician has some things he/she would check. Or some advice (out of earshot) about handling some of the social issues.It’s hard to be an outlier, early or late. It’s good that you’re close with her until her peers catch up.
Quote:I believe part of the issue is that she has been going through puberty at an early age, she started early stages a few years ago.
It’s hard to be an outlier, early or late. It’s good that you’re close with her until her peers catch up.
There have been studies which have shown that
girls are now hitting puberty younger than ever.Let me just say while I agree that girls are hitting puberty earlier than in the past, there are multiple theories as to the cause. 10 is not young for kids to be masturbating. I was playing with my privates before I turned 8. No, it wasn’t because of outside influences; I discovered it on my own. Don’t go overboard shaming her about it. I had self-worth issues where I was sure that adhd symptoms and being bisexual were because I was “sinning” by masturbating. It was not fun sorting through that mess later on. Roy wrote:
Let me just say while I agree that girls are hitting puberty earlier than in the past, there are multiple theories as to the cause.
Quite a few… one of them is to do with diet.
But early puberty is not new.
What’s frightening though is that five and six year olds have given birth!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_youngest_birth_mothers That’s a surprisingly sad list of sexual abuse Sambee. I’m a bit shocked. gospeltangents wrote:
That’s a surprisingly sad list of sexual abuse Sambee. I’m a bit shocked.
It’s horrific.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.