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In posting to another topic, I mentioned stay at home mothers in a particular ward who were contributing to some situations that were making at least one working mom feel alone. It led me to start this post to see what things you have worked on forgiving others for because they knew not what they were doing. People in our ward that kept hitting on not marrying out of the church when I had an inlaw child sitting there who was coming to church but hadn’t decided to take discussions or not. I wanted to strangle them. I know they didn’t think about how it sounds to a nonmember to come to our church and hear discussions that could make them feel they weren’t “good enough”. I am also a convert and if these types of things were said in classes and talks, I didn’t hear them. Maybe I was protected by the Spirit. I would not have liked it and very probably would have walked away thinking the cult stereotype just might be true. I could go on to a few more situations, but would like to hear from some of you. I do forgive these people, by the way. I think they just weren’t thinking. What about you?
When I was 13, I sewed this really cute top that I wanted to wear to church. I had one white skirt that went with it, but unfortunately my mom shrunk it. She said it wasn’t too short, so I wore it to church anyway. After church I got called into the bishops office and he gave me a lecture on not dressing slutty to “try and impress boys” and insinuated that I had been fooling around. I was very upset (and had only innocently kissed one boy in my life) but I came to the conclusion that we are all just human, and that maybe that calling was for him to grow and that it wasn’t my right to judge him either. That rationale has helped me a lot into adulthood…although I definitely am not perfect at it! 
These stories make me think of Pres Uchtdorf’s talk, when he said “stop it!” I truly believe the leaders of the church CONSTANTLY are trying to warn the members from these kinds of mistakes.
HSAB, it sounds like you were a very mature 13 year old and handled that well. Many 13 year olds would have been overwhelmed by shame and not even been able to come back to church! Heber13, I loved that talk from President Uchdorf! It really helped me that very weekend in a situation!
Had another one of the same situations I just posted about in a different ward yesterday with a different daughter. While the sister relating a long ago situation about how much negativity she received about staying at home while her children were young meant to express one thing, she probably doesn’t realize how it sounded when she made a statement implying how much better it is to raise your children by being a stay at home mom. I just sighed and rolled my eyes and will reassure this daughter too that she and her husband can do this together. Maybe some of the difference is that my husband was totally involved in housework and child care from the beginning and my son in laws are the same type of men. This economy is brutal on one income families and our children are all very self reliant people. Paying their bills and inching ahead in savings is a big deal to them.
It’s probably impossible to not make any kind of declaration without running the risk of offending someone. I remember one of my son’s friends coming over to our house to spend night several years ago. There had been some conflicts between the two of them in the recent past (which had been resolved by them) but the mother of the boy still felt sensitive about it. This was made more challenging by the fact that we lived in the same ward. We were struggling to get our youngest daughter to bed that night as she was being especially bratty. My son’s friend commented on our struggles by saying, “Yeah, your kids are kind of spoiled, aren’t they?” My wife and I were surprised at the statement and we quickly realized that an eleven year old boy doesn’t come up with that comment on his own. It was clear that he was repeating things his mother had said to him. Ultimately, we laughed about it and dismissed the whole incident. I think we forgave the woman her comments mainly because we realized that we had a tendency to make disparaging remarks about her in our own home. (We just hadn’t been caught…or maybe we had! My son tends to run off at the mouth.) We live in such close quarters with one another nowadays that it’s not surprising we bump up against each other from time to time. And as we interact with those around us, it is inevitable that we will prick the hearts of others occasionally. It’s hard to be tolerant but I’ve found that on the occasions that I am, my life is much more tranquil. Gerald, thank you for posting that! I was truly laughing out loud! This does happen and it’s so true! He who takes offense when none is intended is a fool, he who takes offense when offense is intended is a bigger fool. –Confucious
bc: I thought that was Brigham Young quote or that he said something similar. Quote:bc: I thought that was Brigham Young quote or that he said something similar.
I read on the internet that it was Confucius and I believe everything I read on the Internet.
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