Thinking About Coming Back to the Fold…

[Anonymous]

Try to be more positive. Give them a chance and give them the benefit of the doubt. If I were your bishop, as long as your not breaking any commandments, you would be welcomed into full fellowship and SSA wouldn’t mean a thing. You want people to be receptive of you, that goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Remember that God is the only authority you should be concerned about. Don’t fear man, but demonstrate your humility and relationship to god. People of faith will recognize and respect that. It’s tough to get over the authority of ecclesiastical leaders, but it’s the only real road back.

[Anonymous]

hawkgrrrl wrote:

demonstrate your humility and relationship to god.

DBMormon wrote:

Give them a chance and give them the benefit of the doubt.

I agree with DBMormon and hawkgrrl.

kmullin211984 wrote:

not too excited about them coming over as I don’t know what questions they’ll ask me and I’m afraid to tell them I’m gay. I want to try and get around that issue if I can, but I know when my church records are pulled it is going to raise some red flags

You seem to be expecting and bracing for the worst. Best advise I can give you is to shed your suspicions about how others will perceive you. I doubt that a bishopric member is planning to come over to interrogate you and get to the bottom of your sexuality. Much much more likely, he just wants to help you feel welcome/get to know you. In the original post, it sounded to me like you wanted to return to activity in the church because you felt there was something about the Temple that you wanted to experience as a way to connect with God. You lamented that your SSA might be an obstacle for OTHERS… be careful that it doesn’t become your own obstacle… in other words, you have put yourself on a quest for something that has absolutely nothing to do with your SSA… you hope that others will see it the same way, but you yourself keep framing your quest in terms of your SSA.

The vast majority of bishops are really good, caring, hard-working people who just want to help. They are unpaid spiritual counselors who absorb a lot of sadness, and try to help people find a way to overcome their problems through the power of the atonement. It is a very difficult thing that they do, laden with great personal sacrifice. So, try to put a human face on him, and think of him as someone who is trying to help you, and I believe you will feel more at ease. The obvious question is how much your SSA will play into all this, but you are miles away from that at this point, unless you make that a factor. As DBMormon said, give them the benefit of the doubt. As hawkgrrl said, make this about your relationship with God. Everything else is secondary.

[Anonymous]

On Own Now wrote:

hawkgrrrl wrote:

demonstrate your humility and relationship to god.

DBMormon wrote:

Give them a chance and give them the benefit of the doubt.

I agree with DBMormon and hawkgrrl.

kmullin211984 wrote:

not too excited about them coming over as I don’t know what questions they’ll ask me and I’m afraid to tell them I’m gay. I want to try and get around that issue if I can, but I know when my church records are pulled it is going to raise some red flags

You seem to be expecting and bracing for the worst. Best advise I can give you is to shed your suspicions about how others will perceive you. I doubt that a bishopric member is planning to come over to interrogate you and get to the bottom of your sexuality. Much much more likely, he just wants to help you feel welcome/get to know you. In the original post, it sounded to me like you wanted to return to activity in the church because you felt there was something about the Temple that you wanted to experience as a way to connect with God. You lamented that your SSA might be an obstacle for OTHERS… be careful that it doesn’t become your own obstacle… in other words, you have put yourself on a quest for something that has absolutely nothing to do with your SSA… you hope that others will see it the same way, but you yourself keep framing your quest in terms of your SSA.

The vast majority of bishops are really good, caring, hard-working people who just want to help. They are unpaid spiritual counselors who absorb a lot of sadness, and try to help people find a way to overcome their problems through the power of the atonement. It is a very difficult thing that they do, laden with great personal sacrifice. So, try to put a human face on him, and think of him as someone who is trying to help you, and I believe you will feel more at ease. The obvious question is how much your SSA will play into all this, but you are miles away from that at this point, unless you make that a factor. As DBMormon said, give them the benefit of the doubt. As hawkgrrl said, make this about your relationship with God. Everything else is secondary.

I can’t really figure out how to cut and paste stuff out yet, but I really like everything that has been said here. I will try to be more humble and think about things as they’ve been listed here. I feel a lot of times like I am entitled and it should just be handed to me, when it doesn’t work that way. I have to work for this if I want it, which I do. Thanks for all of your support everyone. I’ve also thought about starting a blog about my little temple journey. What do you all think of this?

[Anonymous]

kmullin211984 wrote:

I’ve also thought about starting a blog about my little temple journey. What do you all think of this?

I think a blog is a great way to communicate something that you do as an individual… training for a marathon… building an airplane… losing weight… but I think it’s a bad idea when it involves other people who don’t know they are being blogged… dating… the workplace… marital troubles… The reason is that we expose others to involuntary de-privitization for which they have no defense, and to me that goes way over the line in terms of civility.

I was watching a video blog one time, and the guy referenced a conversation I had had with a third party… the guy doing the blog wasn’t even there… and he completely misrepresented it. Very frustrating. I’m sure that in his mind, that’s the way he envisioned the conversation, but it wasn’t how I saw it at all.

So, if you want to do a blog, focus on your OWN soul-searching and reaching for something higher and how it makes you feel, rather than the private conversations you have with church leaders, your home teachers, and your fellow ward members.

[Anonymous]

I think a blog is an excellent idea. I would read it, and I know many people who would benefit from something like that as well.

Being careful of your representations of others and maybe even changing some names would be a good thing to consider.

[Author]

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