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Man am I having a tough time of it today. Since I have been home from church, the trauma of the experience(s) my family had years ago in our old Ward, to which we returned, has been tough to handle. Something that had dulled and was turning into a forgotten, blunt piece of mass whose details were slowly being forgotten. it is now a sharp knife with the brightest, glinting edge on it, reinserted into my spirit. I know forgiveness is the heart of the gospel, but I have this burgeoning sense of, well, ache over what happened to us years ago on several fronts, notably the thing that plunged me into depression. Everyone but my son has a disturbing tale to tell. I am working at something now, not church related, that requires a lot of my mental attention and is deadline driven, and I keep having to dismiss these floods of memories and associated feelings over and over again. It is sapping my mental discipline.
I don’t know what the solution is. Time away has been the best thing for me, really. I understand now why people have their names removed. Not that I am considering it, but I see how it is symbolic of leaving something broken behind you. It could relieve the mental distress by taking control and cutting it out of your life in an administrative way. Believe, me, I have no desire to feel this way with the deadline pressure I am under right now. But these waves keep coming back again and again.
Not sure what the solution is. Probably to do nothing and hope for better days ahead.
The first time back to any formerly abusive / traumatic setting nearly always is difficult. As with so many other things, go slowly and give it time. Healing is not a quick, easy process.
I am afraid of what I am going to say. Today I visualized pulling the husband of the woman who dealt the vindictive blow aside, and telling him the impact her behavior had years ago (pneumonia within a couple days of her behavior, then depression), the long term effects (testimony-battering) and now, the physical sensation of being sick whenever I come near the building and sit in classes. This feeling of dread whenever I think of going back to that Ward. I am not even sure why, perhaps hoping someone else would feel what I’m feeling and show some empathy or cut me slack from the attempts to make me “whole” again by working me to death right away, expecting me to give up all my annual savings, and do all kinds of things that no longer bring me joy. I know it’s coming. Within weeks there will be a home teaching assignment, calls to drive for 80 minutes to set up chairs across town.
I know that nothing will come of it. To share it with our Bishop, our HPGL, anyone, will just make me out as someone who ‘can’t forget the past’. Or a weak person. Worse than the sinner. No good will come of it.
Ah, I don’t need this right now. I have been doing so well in filling my life with peace and joy in spite of all the bad things that have happened. I was adaptive and my wife and daughter had emerged unscathed. If my son wasn’t showing signs of engaging with some of the good kids at church and my life wasn’t still entwined in Mormonism, I know I’d be at home on Sundays. Working. Feeling joy,,,,
I wish for you and your family to have peace and joy. I have no idea how to balance that properly for the complex interconnected needs of you and your family. God bless your path forward friend. BTW..my daughter tried to reengage with the Ward in recent weeks. She offerred to help a couple young women get their YW Medallion and altough I don’t know the details, she came away crying from the situation. She was also really disturbed at the utter lack of organization in the program compared to the Ward she was attending. So, she goes alone to a Ward in a different Stake. The SP pulled her aside this Sunday, and told her she is welcome to attend their stake as long as she pleases. I was flooded with relief. I am considering writing a complementary letter to the Stake President in that stake praising his good judgment. So, we are not a full family in our old Ward, but at least one leader in the mix is approaching this from the perspective of what is best for the individual and NOT imposing policy at the expense of people. I need to try to remember this. So, it wasn’t all bad today.
SD, this sounds like the guy who went through a divorce, not because he asked for it & the solution was to meet with her once a week for the rest of their lives. I can’t imagine anything harder to do than what your
family is going through with this.
Our family was fortunate in that we were inactive for some any years and only a handful of members remembered
us. And they were glad to see us again. (They said they were anyway.)
The consolation prize for us is: we will never be as active as we were. We don’t go to all the organizational meetings
like most do. Including Stake Conference or General Conference. I stay away from all people with leadership positions.
Not because I don’t like them but because most tend to treat us like we have a disease or label (inactive).
I get involved in those activities that interest me.
I’m sorry it is so hard. It shouldn’t be that way. If nothing else, you will have more empathy for others in your Ward
going through the same situation.
My hope is that it gets better over time.
My advice is to find someone in your ward that you can talk to.
If that doesn’t work, you always have us. (Please don’t cry.)
Thanks. I don’t really want anyone in the Ward to talk to. I don’t need them — this place is better here at StayLDS. I agree with the consolation prize. All I have to do is assert myself about what I’m willing to do. I’m sure there will be meetings when they want to push my further down the path to TR-status. I will assert myself kindly.
Everyone seems nice, but I know from my informant that they don’t say the kindest things in the PEC/Ward Council meetings about HP who aren’t towing the line. Their love is conditional on meeting the standards they set. And I can do without that in my life.
My plan is to do what you do — go to the meetings without being as active as I used to. Avoid the leadership like you say, and then scram at the end of meetings if I can help it. I will use the time to read and think without fully engaging unless something changes and I sincerely want to — and that will depend on whether I think re-engagement will bring me joy. So far, it’s only brought mental and physical health problems and drudgery in my last stint of activity.
SilentDawning wrote:The SP pulled her aside this Sunday, and told her she is welcome to attend their stake as long as she pleases.
:clap: :clap: :clap: I remember some of the hurdles we had to jump through in order to attend as a family in another ward. The bishops had to clear it with the SP (The official answer was no, with an understanding that the bishops could accommodate us unofficially). This makes me wonder if to attend in another stake would require approval from a regional authority. I am glad that this good man cut through all that red tape and just let her know that they welcome her for as long as it takes.
Roy wrote:SilentDawning wrote:The SP pulled her aside this Sunday, and told her she is welcome to attend their stake as long as she pleases.
:clap: :clap: :clap: I remember some of the hurdles we had to jump through in order to attend as a family in another ward. The bishops had to clear it with the SP (The official answer was no, with an understanding that the bishops could accommodate us unofficially). This makes me wonder if to attend in another stake would require approval from a regional authority. I am glad that this good man cut through all that red tape and just let her know that they welcome her for as long as it takes.
He was going to call our Bishop just to make sure, but who knows if he will do it. The leaders are pretty accomodating to youth so I don’t see a problem. Wish they were that accommodating with adults! But I realize the mess it would cause if they didn’t try to get everyone to their own wards.
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