Three Questions plus one

[Anonymous]

One thing about retirement, I see more television than ever before. One show I’ve been watching is a medical series.

I think the episode I recently saw was titled: The Three Questions.

The initial part of the story was about a terminally injured patient who couldn’t function on his own. He was awake and machines were keeping him alive.

There was no hope for his recovery. He didn’t want to be kept alive artificially.

Before the hospital could carry out his wishes, they had to ask him three questions:

-Do you know who you are?

-Do you know what’s happened to you?

-Do you want to live this way?

As the show progressed, the personal lives of the Doctors & Nurses were told & dramatized.

All of their situations & problems revolved around the same 3 questions.

I was thinking as I watched this show, anyone who has gone through a FC in some shape or form has asked these same questions & tried to answer

them for themselves. It seems to me that a FC is life altering moment for all of us.

There is one more question:

-What are you going to do next?

For some of us we become inactive. For some, we become more active.

A Fair Crisis is an interesting topic or situation to live through.

For me the process took time. A lot of time.

And I will never be the same again. Maybe that was the purpose all along.

[Anonymous]

This doesn’t answer the question directly, but your last sentences reminded me of it again. Rather than bump it up one more time, I will provide the link:

“Imagine If” – (http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=3098&hilit=Imagine+if#p38586)

[Anonymous]

thanks MM

asking these kinds of questions help us think about our choices and motivations.

I think I can answer those questions for myself.

The “do next?” question…right now…with the past few years of upheavel…I am looking for peace. I keep moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Heber, I agree these are questions that are best answered alone. By ourselves.

They are difficult to talk about in a open forum like this.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the FC’s we go through. I’m surprised that the leadership in my ward or

stake hasn’t asked me more about it. For example,

– how did it start?

– what could the church have done to help you through it?

– is there a way we can understand what you went through?

– are there things we can do before a person becomes completely inactive?

I know there are Stake HC committees that are investigating inactivity in our stake.

You would think that they would come to the “source”. Members with experience like us.

I’m not ashamed of the path I’ve taken in this life. It has all been a learning experience.

For those who have never experienced it, I would expect at the least curiosity. At the most compassion or empathy.

Ray, thanks for the reminder about your daughter’s poem. I can’t believe it was 4 years ago.

How has the college experience been for her?

I still think that poem is Great.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, MM. She graduates from college next spring and is considering Deaf Education and teaching Seminary. She would be wonderful in either role.

[Anonymous]

Interesting three questions.

Do you know who you are?

Yes, I am a former highly committed Mormon who grew increasingly miserable with the LDS Experience. I am now a self-directed individual with his own set of values, principles and objectives for living.

-Do you know what’s happened to you?

Yes — when my community seemed to not deliver on the psychological contract, when there appeared to be repeated misalignment with behavior and values from leaders and members, I crossed a line from naked acceptance to critical review of the LDS experience. That led me to my own set of principles that include a life with the LDS Experience, but in a new way than before.

-Do you want to live this way?

Yes — I have more peace and joy than I ever had as an orthodox believer in the LDS church. This will continue as long as my family continues to want me in their lives in this state…and hopefully, even if they don’t.

[Anonymous]

Old-Timer wrote:

Thanks, MM. She graduates from college next spring and is considering Deaf Education and teaching Seminary. She would be wonderful in either role.

Thanks for reporting back. Isn’t life interesting? Our children follow paths you & I never (probably) considered. They mind their own way.

Time moves very quickly. Now I have grandchildren finding their own paths. And on it goes. Life is sure interesting.

[Anonymous]

Seeing the responses by SD, I definitely think those questions are important ones. Have organized thoughts about those…it really helps lead to decisions and choices. And it helps to be more comfortable around others with different testimonies, understanding they probably have their own responses to those questions. And that is ok.

When we answer differently to these things, we act different at church. Right?

[Anonymous]

–

Do you know who you are?

I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father, who loves me, and I love Him. I will stand as witness of God at all times and in all things, and in all places.

I used to be a mormon. I am less labeled now, but still very much a follower of God and Christ.

Do you know what’s happened to you?

Joining seems to be what I do. I like to be connected with people. For my growing up years, I was crammed into a narrow box of mormonism and told that I needed to conform and learn how to fit in the box. Although it was never an easy personal fit, I always made it work. I had always been part of the solutions to problems in a ward. I worked hard to help the organization and individuals. My focus was not on what I got out of the organization. My focus was on what I could offer and freely give. Moving into a ward with a reputation for exclusivity, I felt I would do fine with the dynamic. I did and I have. My husband and daughter were not so fortunate. To watch a group of people systematically diminish those that I love was a deal-breaker for the social aspects of the church. The checkered history of the LDS church has appalled me. The history of polygamy makes me feel angry, and the church-stated connections to christianty have not been enough to hold me.

Do you want to live this way?

On every level, I have been so much happier since emotionally and spiritually moving away from the LDS church. My connections to people are more authentic. I have been able to help and serve within my community. The organizations I have joined are a better fit for me as a social individual. I am still looking for the right non-profit for the donation of my time.

My grief for the loss of the church in my life is fading and being replaced by joy. I am truly happy.

What are you going to do next?

I plan to keep moving forward spiritually. My marriage is now a marriage of “mixed faith”. I want to continue to support my husband and daughter in their church activity. Although I remain puzzled in how they can take social abuse and move forward in their activity, their journeys are not mine. I can only encourage them to find their own paths, and ask them to support mine. So far, it is working.

[Anonymous]

Nice response AP. Best of luck in your journey

[Anonymous]

For me I am asking these questions for myself. There is one that I want to publically acknowledge.

It is:

Do you know what’s happened to you?

When I went through my FC I relied on the promises I used to teach as Missionary & a Teacher in SS. They are:

– God will always answer your prayers.

– Keep the commandments & you will have the HG as a constant companion.

– God cares about us on an individual basis.

– We may not always be physically protected but we will have special insight.

– Temple ordinances, tithing, WoW, garments, accepting calling, etc gives us “special” blessing, insight & understanding.

As a result there was a feeling of being

Quote:

entitled

.

Every time I hear these phrases taught as doctrine, I always raise my hand.

– God may answer prayers BUT he never said when.

– Keeping the commandments is a worthy goal BUT we will never live a perfect life.

– God cares about us on an individual basis BUT sometimes we are left alone to make our own decisions.

– Sometimes we are protected BUT sometimes we are not.

– Temple ordinances, etc are important BUT they don’t always give us special blessings, insight or understanding.

In those moments where I feel I’m entitled, that is the time I’m in real danger.

When I don’t get what I want when I think I should I’m like a small child who throws a tantrum & holds his breath until Mommy & Daddy give him what he is entitled to. Then anger sets in & everything turns toxic. This site has helped me a lot to realize this. Thanks everyone.

I hope this makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Minyan Man wrote:

When I don’t get what I want when I think I should I’m like a small child who throws a tantrum & holds his breath until Mommy & Daddy give him what he is entitled to.

That sounds extreme but who am I to judge, I usually go on a 24 hour hunger strike. Sometimes I even convince my friends to join me in the strike. 😈 :angel:

– – – – –

Are we supposed to answer the questions?

-Do you know who you are?

I am all things yet I am nothing. In other words… no, not yet.

-Do you know what’s happened to you?

I think I have the gist:

I was born and I am sentient. These two things were beyond my control but they have led me on a journey to discover meaning, meaning which includes a reconciliation with the concepts of suffering and death. I’ve adopted various narratives along the way to help me find meaning but ultimately I’ve found all answers to be lacking. This resulted in me finding more comfort in the questions than in the answers but I suspect that if I live long enough I’ll find that the questions will also become equally unfulfilling. After all, questions are just the Yin to the answer’s Yang. Our answers are a reflection of our questions and our questions are a reflection of our answers.

-Do you want to live this way?

This question has become immaterial to me. What if I did? What if I didn’t? The answer appears to be the same.

-What are you going to do next?

I have no idea, at the moment I find myself a bit paralyzed. I am still unbalanced. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be that I have lost vision on what it means to be. Ok, that’s weird but it makes sense to me, I hope it makes sense to other people as well.

[Anonymous]

nibbler wrote:

Quote:

Are we supposed to answer the questions?

For me, these are questions we answer for ourselves. If you want to share your answers great.

I wanted to answer only 1 question publicly to see if anyone else felt the same way about their FC.

The question: Do you know what’s happened to you?

At this point in my life, this is the key question. I personally want to learn from it (FC) & not repeat.

In the process, my beliefs have changed in a more realistic way (I hope).

My expectations are more balanced regarding my relationship with God & the Church.

[Author]

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