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I have been reading posts here for several months and I finally feel like it is time to introduce myself and seek some guidance. First a little background. I am a life long Mormon that has always questioned. I spent my teenage years inactive and fighting everything. I did not serve a mission and feel like for the longest time I believe that if it was good enough for my family it was good enough for me. After my wife and I got married we decided we should give the “Mormon Life” a go and we started attending church and eventually made it to the temple.
Everything was going well until I became the GD teacher in my ward and I started studying the scriptures for the first time. My first year teaching was last year so it was D&C. I started joking with my friends and the ward that I was constantly shocked to learn different things we believed, in fact I shared that thought with the SP, he did not find the humorous, oh well. I struggled with how the lessons were presented and what I was told to focus on. A lot of the lessons just seemed to miss the point. Everything came to a head about a year ago when I was watching a documentary after church one day on TV. I am sorry I don’t remember the title but it was produced by the church and the topic was blacks and the priesthood. I knew the basic story and was never OK with the ban but was willing to accept it because the Lord can do what he wants. But then I learned from the video that the ban was not because of prophecy but it was just a “policy”, David McKay’s words.
This has thrown my world into tail spin. My big question is what else is just a “policy”? I have been able to accept that GA and church leaders are just men and most the time are not Prophesying but the more I think about it the more I question.
To add to my questions and concerns teaching the Old Testament has made me not only question what the church is telling me but also my overall understanding of God. The only way I can make any sense of the OT is to think of it all as a metaphor.
Anyways I have a lot of questions and not a lot of answers. I feel like my move to stage 4 has been okay, I don’t have any anger. I think this comes from my dad. He always told me growing up that we are not Iron Rod Mormons. I think this has given me the license to not believe everything I am told. I have been able to re-frame or ignore a lot of Mormonism to meet my needs but I am really battling apathy right now. Not apathy in finding answers but in that if I don’t believe the Church has the all the answers and they teach things i just don’t believe why stay?
I have loved where the church has taken me in my life. My wife is not a TBM but she also does not care to think about it too much either. She does not want to change and neither do I. I just want help in putting all my thoughts together and in moving forward. I have loved the discussion and ideas that I have read here. There seems to be very little complaining and a lot of problem solving/ re-framing reading the forum has already helped me a lot and I look forward to your thoughts and comments on questions I have in the future.
Hello, behappy. Love your username! Behappy – welcome to the site – great intro, except now I have that song stuck in my head! I think you pose some great questions. At the end of the day, I think it’s easiest to stay if you want to follow Christ’s teachings – the church is IMO about the best way to do that. But you have to learn selective hearing because what the church is to some people is not what it is to you. Arguably, every person gets something different out of it. There are people who go to church to be bolstered in their moral superiority. There are some who go there to be told what to do. There are some who want to belong & fit in, to conform. There are some who aspire to rise in the ranks. My guess is these are all things that you won’t find satisfying, and neither would most of us here. But that’s why we’re here. The majority of members, IMO, come to church because it’s a great place to raise great families. The doctrines are not inherently harmful to most people (there are some that are to some, and I don’t want to downplay that), and the programs provide a lot of practical help to people.
Church doctrine, policy vs. revelation, etc., these are all interesting topics that go to the heart of what some members feel is core. There are a lot of blind obedience types who dislike questioning and who consider any individual thought as ill-advised and disloyal. That’s their opinion, and they are entitled to it. You’ll find people like that at every level in the church. But you will likewise find people whose views are the opposite of that at every level in the church. It’s hard to distinguish those individual voices some of the time, but IMO, it’s one of the most important key strategies.
Based on your story, I’d also recommend reading Prince’s David O. McKay & the Rise of Modern Mormonism. It shows the human side to church leadership, the good men (I would say people but who are we kidding?) who worked together in his administration despite each of them having very different viewpoints. Some of their disagreements and tactics are not for the faint-hearted, but it’s good to understand how human this church really is. Expectations need to be reasonable. And you can’t love people who have no weaknesses.
Hawkgrrrl- Thank you for your reply. I have ordered the book I will let you know what I think.
Hawkgrrrl wrote:the good men (I would say people but who are we kidding?)
This may be a post for another day but I have a lot of concern about where my daughter is going to fit into Mormonism. She is only 3 but has already been told by her nursery leader that her sleeveless dress does not “show respect.” I know I should turn the other cheek but sometimes I can’t help but be frustrated. Thanks for welcoming me.behappy wrote:Hawkgrrrl- Thank you for your reply. I have ordered the book I will let you know what I think.
Hawkgrrrl wrote:the good men (I would say people but who are we kidding?)
This may be a post for another day but I have a lot of concern about where my daughter is going to fit into Mormonism. She is only 3 but has already been told by her nursery leader that her sleeveless dress does not “show respect.” I know I should turn the other cheek but sometimes I can’t help but be frustrated. Thanks for welcoming me.I would address this one. Sexualizing our young children is just not right. From reading the profiles at mormon.org, there are a very small minority of Mormons who feel the way this nursery leader does; I’m sure they don’t know it’s not “the norm” to think that way. A psychologist friend of mine once said that guilt is earned, but shame is inherited. What the nursery leader said to your daughter is a “shaming” technique, and I’d pull the nursery leader aside and tell her as kindly as you can that it’s not a message that you or her mother can support. The thing about shaming is that it’s handed down through generations, and people who shame others were shamed likewise as children, so they are often unaware of it–they think it’s normal behavior and not detrimental. That doesn’t make it right.
Welcome to the forum Behappy. I look forward to reading more of some of your questions and how you work through them. Sharing is what we’re all about…thanks for sharing your story thus far…. Welcome behappy! I love it! behappy wrote:
This has thrown my world into tail spin. My big question is what else is just a “policy”? I have been able to accept that GA and church leaders are just men and most the time are not Prophesying but the more I think about it the more I question.To add to my questions and concerns teaching the Old Testament has made me not only question what the church is telling me but also my overall understanding of God. The only way I can make any sense of the OT is to think of it all as a metaphor.
The answer to that is most everything is policy. That does not necessarily mean it is bad, but you need to realize much of what we are taught or asked to do is generated by some policy from the time of Joseph or today.
The Old Testament in my opinion is mostly metaphor. Many characters like David most likely did exist, but many of the things ascribed to them may not have actually happened the way they are portrayed. Again there is value in some of these stories you just need to take them for what they are.
Be happy, Its funny how common the issues are amoung us here. I also have a problem with the Blacks not being able to recieve the priesthood. I know too many great Black people, embarassed doesn’t begin to describe how I feel when I hear what Brigham Young said about them.
f4h1
There are some good posts here about that topic, F4h1. Try to find them and comment there about it, if you want to do so. We always can tackle it now, as well, if you find a thread you want to resurrect.
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