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I have a question — over the last several years, my children have grown “inward”. They tend to like to stay at home, and seem to be very absorbed with technology all the time. In the last year, we have spent less, and less, and less time together. I have a very hard time getting them to do anything as a family — in spite of brainstorming a lot of things we could do as a family, subordinating my own desires for what to do to the wishes of the rest of the family (not complaining) etcetera. My kids are 11 and 15. It seems the only things they are excited to do are the expensive things, like theme parks, or things they can do with friends. Or get me to be the driver as they do things with friends, while I sit there and read. If they had their own car, they would go without me.
I may be partly to blame as I am an achiever and have had a ton of things going on at once, and at times, have had to work a lot of weekends over the last two years. Also, heft church responsibilities a few years ago cut deeply into family time, which I think weakened the idea that being together in non-selfish, family activities was our family culture.
Anyone else run into this? Any suggestions on how to get the togetherness and time together back again? So we don’t waste these years as room-mates rather than family members who like to spend time together?
Do I ever know what you’re talking about – been there and done (and doing) that. The best we have been able to do is the occasional meal out and we have found some TV shows we like to watch together. Redbox has also been good. Otherwise, we struggle to get them out of their rooms and off their devices to have a conversation. Us too. Isn’t it ironic, these tools that were supposed to keep us connected, and so beneficial are not 100% connecting. And the worst part is my guiltiness in it, too. I can comfort myself more on the computer than I can with people. I am not an introvert, never was. Now I retreat to my technology on a split second. My entire family does. We walk in the house and take off for our corners. There we spend hours chatting with friends or watching online movies and videos. When we get to dinner we have nothing to talk about, because we have carved our own worlds. Like Dark Jedi – we have a few TV shows but even then, we aren’t talking of if we do for a bit, it is only a bit, and usually pretty redundant and TV show related. It’s awesome, we no longer have to connect anymore, we can live in our own happy bubble for as long as we want.
:wtf: Between these two reply’s I went and had dinner and was thinking about this topic and my response. I am not changing my response at all, I think personalized technology has quietly crept in and we have happily fallen right in. I really do think it is for personal comfort. Nothing like Livin’ Online. But I had a couple of additional thoughts. I began thinking “Give up technology for Lent”, then I was trying to decide which technology and why. There are too many valid reasons to not give it up entirely. I won’t explain them right now, but that thought and sitting by myself eating dinner while my family is off doing good stuff. (No one is home or hiding in their room). I remembered a few of our recent family connecting moments. This winter we taught the 2 kids who live at home, Rook, it’s a family card game tradition from my husbands side of the family. If I explain we are having dinner and playing rook, everyone shows up. This has happened half a dozen times in the past 8 weeks.
:clap: Then I remembered that my husband took one child skiing a couple of weeks ago, just the two of them. Total one on one memory maker.:clap: A few weeks ago we had major snow, my oldest daughter came home and barricaded home with us. We made some cookies, hung out, the kids swapped music, we played games, took walks in the snow. It was great. I really didn’t want the snow to melt. Now that wasn’t my doing but it was great.:clap: The ratios of family time from our generation to theirs is unmeasurable. Even through the age span of my kids it’s changed. But I think I am going to pile up as many scattered moments as I can and see if I can swing the tide. So Sunday Morning is homemade waffle morning. That always brings them around.
Love this topic.
My wife and I have a dish in a drawer near the front door where we put our phones when we come through the door (that is, we usually do). If our kid is awake, we don’t permit ourselves to be on our devices around her if we can help it. If there’s a text or a call, we take it and return the phones to their “homes”. The downside(?) is I spend less time obsessing over email and text. The upside is my family gets the undivided, undistracted me. It also prevents that feeling of frustration when one spouse is trying to say something worthwhile and the other is glued to their device.
mom3 wrote:I can comfort myself more on the computer than I can with people. I am not an introvert, never was. Now I retreat to my technology on a split second. My entire family does. We walk in the house and take off for our corners. There we spend hours chatting with friends or watching online movies and videos. When we get to dinner we have nothing to talk about, because we have carved our own worlds.
Whoa! Are you my mother? You totally just described my family to the T. (It’s funny because that’s happening right now as I type this.) But I think it’s pretty common nowadays. Technology is taking over the world, especially when everything is online now.My family tries to schedule a day when we get to go out and watch a movie together. SD, I know you mentioned that you are pretty busy so I’m sure your family’s schedule don’t match up that well. It also doesn’t help that your kids are at the age when they start to think their parents are “uncool.” So it makes sense that they would rather hangout with friends. What sort of things do they like doing with their friends?
But yeah, I’m also the blame sometimes. I work some nights during the week especially on Friday and Saturday. When I do have the weekend off, all I feel like doing is resting at home and doing nothing. I admit, I’m pretty lazy. Haha.
science_saint wrote:My wife and I have a dish in a drawer near the front door where we put our phones when we come through the door (that is, we usually do). If our kid is awake, we don’t permit ourselves to be on our devices around her if we can help it. If there’s a text or a call, we take it and return the phones to their “homes”.
The downside(?) is I spend less time obsessing over email and text. The upside is my family gets the undivided, undistracted me. It also prevents that feeling of frustration when one spouse is trying to say something worthwhile and the other is glued to their device.
That’s a great plan, but it’s not my wife and I that are the issue. I don’t usually use my phone at home, either, and while I do spend time on the computer, it’s really the teenagers holed up in their rooms on their devices that hinder our interaction. Last night my wife and I spent 1 1/2 hours on the couch watching TV by ourselves, granted one son was legitimately using the computer to write a paper. We’ve attempted the idea of tech free times (dinner is one of those times) but we have had no major success and we have had a battle or two which ends up causing a different set of issues.
Sunday night is family movie night in our home theater with theater popcorn. We all take turns each week picking the movie. The kids like board games, card games, and table top games so we try to play those from time to time. No tv during dinner, and video games come with a timer, and are only allowed certain days of the week. Wifi for the kids shuts off at bed time.
We have lots of books and outdoor games as well, such as bola ball that they really like.
Sometimes they complain or whine a bit, but it never lasts long, and I have no feelings of guilt whatsoever from a child pouting.
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