- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
[Moderator Hat On] I split this fun part of the conversation so as to keep the book review focused on the original topic [Hat off] hawkgrrrl wrote:A Diet Coke toast to you, David O.!
😯 😯 😯 😯 How could you say that to a former prophet? *GASP* Satan has a hold of you! Please … coffee, tea, beer, wine or even whiskey. I don’t care what is in the cup as long as you don’t pollute your body with diet coke or anything else containing aspartame. I would never let that touch my lips.
[personal joke and poke at Hawkgrrrl from me]
My tinfoil hat protects me from anything you might say in response
Quote:My tinfoil hat protects me from anything you might say in response
Touché!
Valoel wrote:hawkgrrrl wrote:A Diet Coke toast to you, David O.!
😯 😯 😯 😯 How could you say that to a former prophet? *GASP* Satan has a hold of you! Please … coffee, tea, beer, wine or even whiskey. I don’t care what is in the cup as long as you don’t pollute your body with diet coke or anything else containing aspartame. I would never let that touch my lips.
I have a friend that was LDS Church security for a couple of decades. He said one day when escorting Elder LeGrande Richards home, when they opened the garage about half of it was taken with cases of ‘Tab’ soda. LoL.HiJolly
HiJolly wrote:I have a friend that was LDS Church security for a couple of decades. He said one day when escorting Elder LeGrande Richards home, when they opened the garage about half of it was taken with cases of ‘Tab’ soda. LoL.
Tab is permitted in Valoel’s Word of Wisdom … well, it’s tolerated. Tab was made with Saccharine. Aspartame is prohibited. That is what makes Diet Coke sinful.
Valoel’s WofW:
Ye verily, it is wisdom and a word from Valoel unto the Saints, the Popes, the Prophets, Imams and Muftis, Shamen, Midwives, scoundrels and discordians, and anyone else silly enough to listen to me. I shall speak of health. It is meet that meat should not be eaten, especial the flesh of humans, unless they are dead already and you are trapped by terrible snows in a mountain pass. So only in times of winter AND famine. Neither shall roadkill be eaten … not ever. That is just plain gross.
The following substances are verboten, will make you impure, dirty and guilty, and your salvation will be null and void, unless you change your mind and decide to feel good about yourself anyway, ye verily:
1. Aspartame, due to the designs of conspiring men from Searle and Monsanto in these last days.
2. Creamed corn is not for the belly, nor for the body, nor for the use of animals.
3. Pickled beets. No particular reason is given of the Lord, except that I hate them.
4. McDonald’s should be eaten sparingly, only in times of great hurry or financial distress, it doeth not please the colon.
Verily, oats for the horse and for the heart-healthy, rye for ducks and for jewish deli’s (yum!), wheat for the hippies to squeeze into wheatgrass juice, corn for the ethanol fuel producers and for tortillas, millet for my mother-in-law, and sunflower seeds for the baseball players.
Those who follow this will treadmill and not be weary, and bowflex and not feint (Edit: or faint if you tend to pass out). Great treasures of nonsense will distill for your enjoyment as dew from the heavens.
Somebody was drinking something. 😆 Oh, and what are you dodging as you exercise? Do people throw things at you when you wear shorts? (“bowflex and not
feint“) 😈 I posted an edit. Those who follow this will not need to dodge rotten vegetables or shoes (in Arab culture countries) being thrown at them. They will be like Neo in the Matrix — stopping bullets in mid air with the power of his hacker skillz. Quote:1. Aspartame, due to the designs of conspiring men from Searle and Monsanto in these last days.
Valoel, Valoel. Aspartame? Really? Do you have a bumper sticker that says: “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.” My motto is “All aspartame, all the time!” But you are right about the creamed corn. It is neither corn nor cream. It is what I imagine lives in cellulite-laden underarms.
Somehow I sense this thread drifting way off topic from David O. McKay, lol… Aspartame makes a heck of a lot better paranoid story than Joseph’s wine conspiracy. No wine for anyone because Joseph was paranoid that a poisoned bottle might end up on his table.
🙄 How about if we agree that it has to be pure Aspartame of your own make, made from the fruit of the lab, only used in sacraments, meals or as an enjoyable beverage as you see fit? So shall it be written, so let it be done *Valoel waves his conspiracy sceptre*
I’ve enjoyed conspiracy stories as a form of literature for a long long time. They are scary, just like ghost stories, if you let yourself believe them a little bit. Reality is boring. It’s so much more romantic to believe in ninjas and pirates
hawkgrrrl wrote:But you are right about the creamed corn. It is neither corn nor cream. It is what I imagine lives in cellulite-laden underarms.
Oh, yech — that’s disgusting. My wife calls these kinds of arms ‘Relief-Society arms’.😆 HiJolly
Quote:My wife calls these kinds of arms ‘Relief-Society arms’.
Carol Burnett called that “the sound of one hand clapping.”
*shudders*
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.