Trill

[Anonymous]

I am not sure how well my current situation will fit to this site, but I would like to try. One year ago I, more or less “gave myself permission” to truly question my involvement in the church. I am a current student, finishing up my studies at BYU, and was raised in the church by convert parents. I had used the shelving method of putting any questions or concerns on the shelf to understand later, throughout my Young Women’s years, but was finding that such no longer seemed to be sufficient. Since granting myself that permission (to admit to myself that I may not believe in the church) I have gone through a lot of different phases. I hope that I am past the greater part of the anger. For a time, I felt that my path was directing me moreso out of and away from the church. Recently, it’s been fluctuating a lot more. Admittedly, parts of it are that it is difficult for me to imagine maintaining a relationship with my parents post-mo. Even just my questioning and investigating other faiths has hurt them so, so much. Other parts are that sometimes I feel like even if I don’t believe in the same way as most other members, that remaining Mormon may be the most honest path for me.

I don’t know. It fluctuates from day to day right now. Some days I can’t imagine remaining LDS or raising a family LDS. Other days, I truly feel that while leaving would be a good choice, staying LDS may be the best. Thus far, I have not been able to find a supportive network (IRL or through the ‘nacle) for those negotiating belief where I feel comfortable. I prefer to participate in Discussion Board formats over blogs, but NOM is too abrasive for me. Are there other sites I am unaware of that are particularly targeted for those negotiating belief? Or would it be okay for me to try out the community here?

[Anonymous]

Welcome, trill. You are certainly welcome to see if this community fits you. It is difficult to negotiate changing beliefs without someone to talk with. Just know, you are not alone in your feelings. It is common to have these up and down shifts of belief. In case you may have heard differently: It is normal. Doubting is not a sin.

I have found that things always change, and belief is no different. I try not to get too stuck in one state of mind or another because I know down the road I will feel differently. Think of it as growth.

Best of luck to you. (just get that BYU diploma in hand before making any drastic decision about the church)

[Anonymous]

Nonny wrote:

Best of luck to you. (just get that BYU diploma in hand before making any drastic decision about the church)

Nonny! How crass.

[Anonymous]

Trill,

I really, really liked your introduction. I still remember when I first gave myself permission with this question: “In the unlikely event that the will of God conflicted with the instructions of the church, which am I going to follow?” My, how the years and the thoughts have come and gone since then!

trill wrote:

…remaining Mormon may be the most honest path for me

Or the right path, irrespective of any claims the church makes. I like to think of the church as “my little corner of God’s great garden.” My participation says nothing about the church; it says everything about me. The great experiment is not to see if the church proves true (that’s irrelevant and a little late to worry about now), but whether I prove true to my mission in life. Not whether the church works right for me, but whether I work right for the church.

So maybe there is nothing special about my church after all. Still it’s my church, and I’m happy to see you here. Welcome to our little board. Accept an all natural smoothie and make yourself comfortable.

KM

[Anonymous]

Welcome, trill. I hope you have found a good place for you.

[Anonymous]

kupord maizzed wrote:

Nonny wrote:

Best of luck to you. (just get that BYU diploma in hand before making any drastic decision about the church)

Nonny! How crass.

Hey, it’s a legitimate reason to StayLDS.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like you are a really good match for the purpose of this group. Regardless of how you decide to travel along your path of faith in the future, we are here to talk about the idea of staying in the LDS Church right now. The people here are “safe” to talk to — we aren’t going to freak out about doubts and concerns. We are familiar with the problems and issues out there. Many of us are in a similar situation as you.

You are going through a very normal process of faith development. You are not alone. You are not doing anything wrong. It is healthy to examine your beliefs and views, to discard things that are no longer useful, and to pick up new ideas that give you value. You are taking ownership and responsibility for your spirituality.

Quote:

I prefer to participate in Discussion Board formats over blogs, but NOM is too abrasive for me. Are there other sites I am unaware of that are particularly targeted for those negotiating belief? Or would it be okay for me to try out the community here?

There are several sites out there as you know. We are targeting a very specific niche — doubters who want to maybe stay in the Church and rebuild their faith while participating in the LDS community. How do we do that? How do we stay sane, honest, happy, and spiritually nourished? People can do it. It isn’t the choice for everyone, but some of us want to go that route.

If you want to see an excellent discussion about our forum vs NOM, there is a thread on that: http://forum.staylds.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=39

Again, welcome to the forum! I look forward to hearing more from you and seeing what you can share with us that has been helpful.

[Anonymous]

Welcome Trill!

[Anonymous]

Thank you, everyone, for the warm welcome!

Nonny- Accepting that my belief will continue to change has been important to me. As for that diploma, point well taken . I visited my bishop about 4 months ago and we seem to have worked out an agreement that works for both of us.

Kupord- I am curious how you would differentiate between “honest” and “right?” I really like your corner of the garden analogy. My, “Yeah, I should stay with the church,” days tend to stem from a similar sentiment. However, I tend to view the garden as communal, and it can be difficult when all the other gardeners want to use entirely different methods of fertilizing, pruning and the like.

Valoel- Thank you. I really like how you express

Valoel wrote:

we are here to talk about the idea of staying in the LDS Church right now.

I may not know where I will end up. However, I really do what to explore what it would mean to me to Stay LDS. And mean to God. And mean to my loved ones.

Over the next week or so I’ll try to start throwing a few dilemmas up and otherwise participating. Thank you, again. I look forward to getting to know y’all.

[Anonymous]

trill wrote:

I am curious how you would differentiate between “honest” and “right?”

Love is the All. Honesty serves love. The Golden Rule informs love.

It would be honest for me to say everything I think all the time. But it would be also rude, inconsiderate, disturbing, and disruptive. I need to be true to my beliefs in the highest way possible, and part of that is realizing that honesty serves the Golden Rule and love.

So the right path for me is to make the world a better place in my own particular way. Does that help?

KM

[Anonymous]

KM-

Thank you for the clarification. Perhaps my definition of honesty is too wide, or there may be a different word to more precisely describe what I mean in this context. To me, saying everything I think all the time would not be honest because it would harm my relationships with others. That which is selfish and damaging is not honest, because there is a greater good inside of me. It is that greater good that I want to be honest to.

I really like what you say about the Golden Rule informing love. I hadn’t thought of it that way before.

Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Fwiw, trill, I think you might mean “having integrity” (“being true to yourself”) rather than “being honest”.

[Author]

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