Trust

[Anonymous]

dtrom34 wrote:

Quote:

nibbler wrote:

Would you mind expounding on this idea, the longer you’re away the harder it is to come back. I can guess a few reasons:

Perhaps one reason is that it’s just habit.

The thought of taking a year off sounds so enticing. I also like knowing I have the free agency to take a year off even if I don’t actually do it. (I’m not talking about the “we are all free to choose, but if you choose wrong you’ll go to hell” kind of free agency). I do wonder if I would even come back if I did take a long sabbatical. I would have to train myself to make it a habit again.

I agree it can be about habit…although you could also argue that habit just for habits’ sake is not always the most meaningful habit to have. I do think there can be value in keeping to do things while you doubt or walkabout, just to not remove everything in life all at once, but instead approach things like peeling back onions of layers of “stuff” in life until you find what is meaningful and what is not, instead of all at once. Go slow is the mantra.

But you may get to a point you’ve removed lots of other baggage, and so the church attendance can be the next thing to try.

Why might it be harder to come back after taking a long break? I might think that you learn you don’t need it. You learn life rolls on without it just fine. You might learn that church is a choice, not a need. WHen people say, “But you MUST take the sacrament each week!” …you start to feel like that doesn’t hold up, that is more fear motivated of needing to or else, instead of just accepting that it is fine without the sacrament each week. Nothing changes. Not fasting once a month…not a big change when you weren’t fasting with a purpose before but just starving to go along with the group.

From my experience…not going to church for a while didn’t change who I was. It actually helped me feel more authentic, because I didn’t want to go at a low point in my life, and so I allowed myself not to go.

But like Hawkgrrl’s quote on the buddha…there was still some searching inside of me. It was no longer tied to a trust in prophets or leaders, but the search for the path, the search for the connection to God. I found that in the mountains with long day hikes. So…do I need church? Not really. I need connection to God, or to the idea of goodness and love.

When I see that is part of me, and that is still what I want…returning to church was easy, because it wasn’t about others and what they thought of me.

It wasn’t about if the church teachings were in line with mine.

It wasn’t about obedience for blessings.

For me, it was about going to church as one part of the way I journey to become a better and happier and more fulfilled me. That happens outside of church in many ways…but it also happens inside the church in ways I find are good for my soul. Not out of habit, but it does help me develop good habits. Not out of fear of being disobedient, but it does help me develop obedience to good things.

I guess I feel less attached to the church, by letting go of it. But also find the gospel is good for my soul, and I return to church to find the ways mormons teach the gospel.

And on days I skip to take my boys hiking…we foster good feelings. But we haven’t closed any doors to church. Seeing my boys bless and pass the sacrament and taking them home teaching is also good for them and for me.

I have started developing the habit of allowing myself to practice how, where, and what I want. It keeps church in perspective for me. I trust the church leaders for what they are in my life, not what others think they should be to me.

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