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Thanks for the empathetic response, West 
I know I’m coming in late on this one univ, but thanks for sharing. The one thing that came to me as I read your post and subsequent responses from others was that I’m am a slightly different person at home than I am at work, different from when I’m out running, different from at church, different at scouting, different at Christmas with my family, Christmas with friends, you get it. It’s ok to be tactful around your mom for her sake. She has her own journey, and that shows that you care for her. Your faith evolution will continue on, so there should be care in burning bridges. You may find that in a year your views have changed again. I would like to say Peace, but at points in the evolution it is anything but peaceful. So here’s to hope for you,
It sounds like your mom needs to read all the church essays. And I don’t mean to sound flip about it, but she sounds a lot like my mother in law that constantly worries about her grandchildren if they don’t go on missions or marry in the temple. She has anxiety and gets depressed and lives for the church. I honestly think it’d be good for these people to see some flaws in the church, if only to see why some make the choices they do. LDS_Scoutmaster wrote:
It’s ok to be tactful around your mom for her sake. She has her own journey, and that shows that you care for her. Your faith evolution will continue on, so there should be care in burning bridges. You may find that in a year your views have changed again. I would like to say Peace, but at points in the evolution it is anything but peaceful. So here’s to hope for you,Thank you. Since it’s hard for me to articulate how I feel about the church I have tried to avoid the subject with her for the time being. She’s the type that would ask questions like, “Do you even believe in Christ?” and get anxious if I didn’t answer immediately, then want to know why I feel the way I feel, and get upset when she can’t excuse away my doubts. I’m trying not to lie while still keeping things private so I can respect her beliefs. She drops hints all the time but I act like I don’t get them. She does ask if I have been going to church and I’m honest about not going.
Tacenda wrote:It sounds like your mom needs to read all the church essays. And I don’t mean to sound flip about it, but she sounds a lot like my mother in law that constantly worries about her grandchildren if they don’t go on missions or marry in the temple. She has anxiety and gets depressed and lives for the church. I honestly think it’d be good for these people to see some flaws in the church, if only to see why some make the choices they do.
How I wish this could happen. But I think at this point me showing them to her would do more harm than good. She knows about one of them but isn’t the type to research these things on her own. I want to be able to keep my thoughts about faith as private as possible for now and I think if I directed the essays to her that would open the door to her prying into how I feel about the church. She’s very black and white with the church and would ask questions I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking. I can work my way around questions but I won’t lie. She can be very direct. I don’t want to diminish her testimony or attack her beliefs. I don’t want to hurt her and I know doing so would do just that. She’s very committed to the church and I think any criticism of it could be perceived as a criticism of her. Even if she did open her mind up to some of the issues, it probably would hurt her testimony greatly and harm her.
Maybe it would help if you actually shared some of this. Something along the lines of
Quote:Mom, I know you are very concerned for me and I know it comes from the fact that you love me. I also love you and I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. I have read many of the essays on the lds.org we sight and I am having a hard time with them. I don’t want to stick those in your face – I love you and I don’t want to upset you. But for now I am working on this the best that I can.
I don’t know – just throwing some suggestions in case any of it can help. I wish you luck.
I know my mom is a VERY loving TBM, but I have not mentioned ANYTHING to her. I think she thinks everything is A-OK since I am in a bishopric and things “look” generally TBM. I don’t plan on telling her as I think it will just stress her. I don’t think there is any way she would understand and probably doesn’t want to. She has her faith paradigm down pat and it works for her.
Quote:She’s very committed to the church and I think any criticism of it could be perceived as a criticism of her.
Sadly I think this a quote that fits a lot of people. On the flip side I know I am committed to my version of religion/life and I often feel criticized by someone else’s dismissal of my beliefs. It’s why I don’t think we can build a bridge yet, too many hurt hearts.
It’s been a year since I posted this. I’m now at 100 posts on this site. What an interesting place to be at. I went back and read everything in this thread, all the replies. I remember getting teary-eyed when I read your posts a year ago. It brought me to tears again.
A lot has changed for me since I posted this thread, but so much is still the same.
I just want to say thank you so much for being here. All of you. Thank you for being kind and giving people a soft place to land while they sort things out.
:wave: So much good advice. My two cents .. Consider picking up a book on boundaries and maybe attend an Al Anon meeting. Your mom might not be an alcoholic, but there are lessons that can be learned from people who have dealt with co-dependent relationships.
About men .. if you put your profile on an LDS singles site, and stated that you were culturally LDS, but not really religiously LDS, you would be amazed at how popular you would be. You are more the norm than you have any idea.
University, I’m single too myself, so I know what it’s like to go through a faith transition in the church and be single. Sometimes I want to be married in the temple, but in where I live pickings around here are pretty slim, especially after having a faith transition. I feel you. Same dilemma with being single and LDS and being a unorthodox. I’ve talk to three potential LDS girls about my position and they all respectful left. I think at some level I left them something to think about. That’s always been comforting for me. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Do you need to organize a StayLDS singles meetup? You could serve root beer .. AND beer!
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