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I struggle with visiting teaching. I’m an introvert, home body, anti-social type who hates what I feel is pretend friendship. Visiting teaching feels like forced friendship and I feel fake and very uncomfortable with it. In the nearly 20 years that I have been a visiting teacher I have struggled and it feels like such a burden to me. I feel resentment, guilt, shame and self-loathing because of my inability to enjoy this service. In my small town, it isn’t difficult to VT. The sisters I visit are all withing 2 blocks of my home. It is more difficult with younger sisters it seems because they just don’t seem to want the visit which of course plays with my insecurities. I have to play phone tag to catch them to set up an appointment and then often they cancel or are just not around when we show up.
Why do I still attempt to do it. My strong sense of responsibility I guess. I’ve agreed to do it and so I try to accomplish the task but that sense of duty feels wrong too. Why can’t I just WANT to visit with these women and work on serving them.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to overcome this problem of mine. At this point I just want to resign my calling of visiting teacher so that the burden is lifted but I feel an obligation to my relief society president who has been very helpful and compassionate at significant times in my life.
Do we just have to learn to do things that cause us anxiety because they are good for us? The church seems to ask so many things of me that I’m just not comfortable with.
Grrrrrr… stupid visiting teaching! I can totally relate! I do not enjoy the guilt thrown at me when I don’t get it done, they really lay it on thick. I really don’t mine visiting and serving others, in fact I enjoy it! I involve my children too. We visit the sick, elderly and lonely often… and offer a lot of free babysitting to young moms who need a break. But I have realized that I DO have a problem with authority. If someone tells me that I HAVE to visit someone, I find it VERY difficult to make myself do it. I can be so defiant and stubborn sometimes. As a result I have been a terrible VT-er over the years and have lost the respect of many RS leaders. Currently things are working out pretty well because I have manage to find a way to get it done on my terms. I meet together once a month with all my ladies at the frozen yogurt shop, where we spend a good two hours together laughing, visiting and learning about each other. The RS probably wouldn’t be thrilled with my arrangement. We rarely discuss the assigned message, and we don’t open and close with prayer. But I feel I am better learning about their needs from our relaxed & fun visits than I ever would otherwise, and a night out is among their needs! This only works because all my assigned ladies are open to this arrangement and get along with each other.
I will be following this thread to see what suggestions others have, because I too have considered asking to be released from all VT assignments.
Be creative – but start with telling those you VT how hard it is for you to do so and asking them how they want you to approach it. I have HT someone who doedn’t want visitors in her home – so we sit and talk for a few minutes at church once a month, and we talk at church “informally” each week when we see each other. My father “HT” someone occasionally in the local bar – since that was the only place he could talk with him. (They never talked “religion”, since that’s not what the man wanted. They just shot the breeze about family and life and stuff.)
Imo, HT/VT works best when it is what the visited want and the visitor can do – whatever that is.
Flowerdrop, You said, “But I have realized that I DO have a problem with authority”
Ahhh yes authority. This is a problem for me too. Is it a problem? Sometimes I wonder about that.
I love your creative answer to VT. I wonder if I could create a way to VT that would feel comfortable.
Maybe I’ll pray about that one. (I’m actually beginning to feel like I might like to pray again which is a big step for me!!)
The whole lack of desire for prayer stems from my problem with authority too. I was tired of being told I needed to pray day and night and they needed to be meaningful prayers etc. So I have rebelled against that authority for over a year now. Now, I will be praying on my own terms.
I responded to this in the Problem with Authority Thread. I had a very similar question about HT a couple of months ago. I’m going to see if I can find that thread and post a link. I received some pretty good advice, and I can tell you that your feelings towards VT (HT) is shared by MANY MANY folks here on the board.
One of my favorite quotes from the board – I think it was George who said it.
Quote:I don’t know what the Celestial Kingdom will be like, but I’m certain there will be no Home Teaching!
I say do the visiting teaching however you think best. Report it as complete and let the leaders make their own determination about whether it’s been done “properly” or not (if they ask questions). Don’t volunteer any information unless they ask you about how you did it. Most leaders will just be thankful there was effort if the Ward is struggling with the program. If they question it, use the inspiration card as your reason for doing it the way yo did. Also, consider what the visiting teacher wants. You’re there to be of service, so if the best way to serve them is to do it the old-fashioned way, then so be it. If a phone call or a day out is the way to go, then do that.
I have a home teacher now, and I’m encouraging him to come in jeans and casually, and even alone because I enjoy the visit and feel better about the use of his time when its convenient and relaxed for him.
Also, regarding the obedience to authority problem — forget the fact that the RS seems to be imposing this on you. Try to look at it a different way. For example, I personally don’t serve people very much — home teaching is the only way I do it. So, I look at it as a way of developing kindness and service for others, rather than something imposed on me. You might have your own reasons for doing it other than its imposition.
Also, I had an idea I”m going to implement some day. When your leaders manage visiting teaching in a way that is positive for you, offer to do another visit that month. Reward the leaders for good behavior!!! Our leaders are former less-actives, so they are very sheepish and non-invasive about the whole thing. But if I had a rabid leader about home teaching, I would wait until he did something positive in the administration and then reinforce it with something s/he appreciates. This actually give you a measure of control over your leaders’ approach to VT. The average person/leader, would probably keep doing whatever they did that made you go out and do your VT. Use that to your advantage!!!
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