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I am an active member of the LDS church who has serious doubts surrounding some of the claims and practices of the church, but I want to still be included in the faith. Born and raised in the church, in Utah County of course. Served a stateside mission, married in the SLC temple, had many leadership callings like EQP, Exe Sec, & High Council.
Had my “crisis of faith” in late ’07 early ’08. Announced my doubts and concerns to my church leaders, friends and family and quickly realized how big of a decision that was. My dearest relationships began to deteriorate very quickly, including my marriage. I was obsessed with all things Mormonism and was in my frenzied study mode. I was reading, studying and listening to anything I could get my hands on that would educate me concerning Mormonism and its history.
I was treated very poorly by my SP and some of those who I thought were my friends that I served many years with. I stopped attending for about 4 months. I believe my wife had to endure more through this process than even I did. She is the best woman I have ever met. My marriage to her means everything to me, not to mention our wonderful kids. So eventually from the kindness of one friend and because I would do anything to show my wife how much she means to me, I returned back into the fold.
It was extremely difficult at first. There were many that I considered my friends before I left, but when I did leave most turned their backs to me and said hurtful things to my wife. I have went through my angry period and I can truly say that I have now forgiven them. I did not leave because I was offended, I left because of the contradictions in the practice and history of the church.
So where am I know? I’m attend church actively, I hold a calling and now I have began to find ways to try to stay positive and enjoy the church for what it is. I do feel like I now have a good relationship with the church. I really don’t care what some of the other ward/stake members think of me. If I did care, I probably wouldn’t attend church. I attend primarily for my family and I also attend because I do find things I love in the church.
I truly understand the difficulties with the history and practices of the church and I truly love and care for those who choose no longer to participate with the church. I understand them more than I like to admit. I just hope that they can understand my position and why I choose to stay.
I hope that I can be accepted here and maybe contribute as well.
-Tom in Utah County
Welcome Tom. I think you’ll enjoy it here! Welcome to the site, Tom! It can be difficult to deal with the fallout when former friends turn away from you. It’s hard to be charitable and realize that most people are motivated by fear, and that very few can truly empathize with your feelings. Hopefully you’ll feel at home here and will find some good strategies for dealing with the situations you encounter. Welcome, Tom. You seem like a core StayLDS-er who may have a lot of insight and positive experience to share here. Thanks for dropping by. Tom Haws
Welcome Tom. Your story resonates with me quite a bit. Our stories are very similar. I also find reason to stay for the things you mentioned. I wasn’t quite so vocal about it as you though (I only told my Bishop and I was very careful about what I said), so I haven’t had to deal with any fallout from friends. I feel for you. But it sounds like you’re through it. Welcome to the StayLDS fold!! Welcome, Tom, can’t wait to hear more from you! Welcome Tom. I look forward to hearing more about how you reconciled things to the level you mentioned. I think you can offer good advice. Tom wrote:I hope that I can be accepted here and maybe contribute as well.
You’ve already contributed! Thanks for sharing.Make sure you check out the home page with all those resources that have great things for you to think about. Fowler’s Stages on Faith is interesting. Have you read through any of that to see if you find yourself in that?
Keep sharing…thanks for being here. And Welcome.
jmb275 wrote:Welcome Tom. Your story resonates with me quite a bit. Our stories are very similar. I also find reason to stay for the things you mentioned. I wasn’t quite so vocal about it as you though (I only told my Bishop and I was very careful about what I said), so I haven’t had to deal with any fallout from friends. I feel for you. But it sounds like you’re through it. Welcome to the StayLDS fold!!
Thanks for the kind words, you were smarter than me. That “take it slow” approach didn’t feel right at the time. I felt like screaming from the rooftops, but my emotions were in the drivers seat at that point.
I wouldn’t say I all the way through it. I’m really not sure where I will be a year from now, 5 years from now. Who really knows. But I am finding some peace where I am now. Its definitely tough at times, but I can find it when I look for it.
But thanks for the warm welcome and kind words from all of you.
Heber13 wrote:Tom wrote:I hope that I can be accepted here and maybe contribute as well.
You’ve already contributed! Thanks for sharing.Make sure you check out the home page with all those resources that have great things for you to think about. Fowler’s Stages on Faith is interesting. Have you read through any of that to see if you find yourself in that?
Keep sharing…thanks for being here. And Welcome.
I have read through Fowler’s stages of Faith and I do know John Dehlin was a big subscriber to what Fowler described as well. I do know that how Fowler describes the stages can be very useful for some. But for me, not so much. His stages kind of feel to me like you smarter (superior) the higher the stage you subscribe to. If you are a stage 2 or 3, then you just haven’t progressed that far yet.
I don’t know, but I just don’t like that approach for some reason. I guess I don’t like categorizing myself. I have felt like I fit in a stage 4, maybe 5 at times, but I feel like I pumping my chest to those that fit in a stage 1-3. But, then again I think I’m reading to much into all of it.
Hi Tom. I have spent a lot of my life in Utah County. I will confess I have a love/hate relationship with the place. And even with my issues, I will defend it to the death. 
Your story hit home for me as well. In fact, it was hard to read you without getting a little emotional. I didn’t choose to be open with my concerns as you did. I think I knew what happened to you would, most assuredly happen to me. My road has been a lonely one and I prayed often that HF would bring me people who would have the words or perspectives AND Spirit I needed to help me sort thru it all. I’d say I am at about a 70/30 with regards to the church right now. I am about 90/10 on the doctrine. I think my biggest stumbling block is trying not to sound or feel hypocritical even though I know my thoughts and actions sometimes contradict themselves and I am trying to find a new normal or maybe a new way to interact with the church which is rather tricky. I am trying to be patient with myself. Luckily, my DH is very patient. I think he sees the real desire of my heart beyond my concerns with the church and he isn’t afraid of looking at issues. That is nice.
Looking forward to hearing more of your perspectives.
Welcome.
I am reminded of the story in the New Testament where there was a real challenge for the disciples of Christ. They were offended in Him and many went their way. Then Jesus asked those that remained and asked, “Will ye also go away?” The fact that you came back into the fold for whatever the reason may be, shows that you have that sticktuitiveness required. Your testimony is like Peter, James, and John at that time. They didn’t really know why they should stay but they believed they should because He had the words of Eternal Life. Are you much different?
We don’t know all of the details no matter how many details there are to find. God gave me peace to my heart when I found things about Joseph Smith that seemed horrifying.
Stay close to the Lord, number one, and keep a positive outlook. This is faith. You are loved by God, no, treasured, and together you and Him will get through this time of trial.
borninit wrote:I am reminded of the story in the New Testament where there was a real challenge for the disciples of Christ. They were offended in Him and many went their way. Then Jesus asked those that remained and asked, “Will ye also go away?”
The fact that you came back into the fold for whatever the reason may be, shows that you have that sticktuitiveness required. Your testimony is like Peter, James, and John at that time. They didn’t really know why they should stay but they believed they should because He had the words of Eternal Life. Are you much different?
We don’t know all of the details no matter how many details there are to find. God gave me peace to my heart when I found things about Joseph Smith that seemed horrifying.
Stay close to the Lord, number one, and keep a positive outlook. This is faith. You are loved by God, no, treasured, and together you and Him will get through this time of trial.
AMEN.HiJolly
Poppyseed wrote:Hi Tom. I have spent a lot of my life in Utah County. I will confess I have a love/hate relationship with the place. And even with my issues, I will defend it to the death.
Your story hit home for me as well. In fact, it was hard to read you without getting a little emotional. I didn’t choose to be open with my concerns as you did. I think I knew what happened to you would, most assuredly happen to me. My road has been a lonely one and I prayed often that HF would bring me people who would have the words or perspectives AND Spirit I needed to help me sort thru it all.
Thanks for the warm welcome. It makes me feel better when I know there are smarter people than me out there that don’t jump before they think things through. You will have to keep me informed as your journey progresses!
borninit wrote:The fact that you came back into the fold for whatever the reason may be, shows that you have that sticktuitiveness required. Your testimony is like Peter, James, and John at that time. They didn’t really know why they should stay but they believed they should because He had the words of Eternal Life. Are you much different?
Wow. How do I respond to that? I don’t think my testimony is like Peter, James, or John, or ever was in fact. But I do appreciate the kind words nevertheless.
Maybe you are right though, maybe it really doesn’t matter what the real reason is as to why I returned, it just important that I did. But I’ll tell you what, some of the members in my stake & ward certainly don’t like that I have returned. They had turned their backs on me so now it is uncomfortable for them and most are still unwilling to come around to face me for who I am now. It’s kind of fun because I hold no resentment towards them, so I do kind of enjoy watching them try to avoid me at all costs. Sometimes I confront them with a friendly smile and tell them that it is good to see them. Sometimes the reactions range from shocked & confused to a kind of “looking at the floor” awkward hello in return. Oh well, if I can’t find ways to enjoy my experience I will go crazy.
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