Well, here I am. I’m not quite sure why.

[Anonymous]

I have been here a week or so and it’s time for a formal introduction.

I was born and raised in Utah. I am now 33 years old. We went to church as a family but I became a rebellious teenager. I started smoking pot in ninth grade and dropped out of school the following year. I drank and dabbled with other drugs. As my life went downhill, I determined I would die before I age 20.

While on LSD, I had a “bad trip”. I feared I was going permanently crazy and thought about how sad it would be when my parents would visit me in the loony bin and I would act like I were a glass of orange juice or something like that. I also had a terrifying revelation – I learned that death would not be an escape as I had always thought. I could not leave my mind and experiences behind. I somehow had to stay alive and improve my life. During that experience, I also realized all that I had learned in Primary and all that my parents had taught me about the Gospel are true. Yes, I gained a testimony while on acid!

I was really weak. I was still feeling suicidal. I quit doing LSD and other hard drugs because I was afraid of them but I continued to smoke pot every day. I still spiraled downward. Despite having the revelation, I didn’t repent and I really didn’t know what to do. I had consumed more drugs than food and felt like a walking skeleton. I frequently thought of myself laying in a deep pit of manure and I could not climb out on my own.

Mother’s Day came along, so I was able to speak on the phone with my sister who was on a mission. She asked how I had been doing so I said “fine”. But she knew better. She was a missionary with discernment and knew how to ask questions. She got it out of me. I told her how miserable I was. She taught me the steps of repentance and I wrote them down on a small piece of paper. I put the paper in a safe place in my room and remembered it.

Stupidly, I continued to hang out with the same friends. I was so entrenched in the lifestyle. Then in July (I think), I went to an amusement park with my family. It was the first day in a long time that I went without pot. I got sick and lay down on some grass. I stared up at the sky and it was as if stars were falling in the daytime. The Heavens were weeping for me!

I had to either die or change my life. Shortly after the day at the amusement park, my mom said, “Hey, you have an appointment with the bishop.” Well, this had happened several times before and I would say “no” or simply not go. This time I said “okay”. Even though I hadn’t been going to church for a while, I went to the appointment. I told him some things and cried. I had more appointments during the following weeks and I revealed more to him. I will forever love and honor the man who was my bishop at that time!

Within a few weeks, I was presented before the congregation and it was proposed that I be ordained a priest. It was a surprise to my parents and my mom wept for joy. My Savior Jesus Christ had reached down and pulled me out of the pit! It was truly wonderful.

I prayed and read the Book of Mormon every night. It was so incredibly real to me. I would cry when the people were wicked and rejoice when they repented. I was in awe as I read the words of the Savior as he ministered to the Nephites. The Book of Mormon record is a historical fact.

Oh, how I wanted to stay with my friends. I talked to them about quitting drugs and so forth, but they thought I was crazy. I was blessed with new friends, though. I prepared well for a mission despite struggling with depression. I was having a hard time in the MTC. I was sure that I was unworthy despite being told repeatedly that I was worthy. I met with a therapist there and he thought I had OCD. I felt better and I completed the mission.

I got married to a marvelous woman four and a half months after getting home (we now have four kids). Within a few months after that, I was depressed. I visited doctors, psychiatrists, and psychologists and tried many medications over a ten year period. I was told that I don’t have OCD. It’s depression and anxiety. I figured my drug use had permanently messed up my brain chemicals. I just couldn’t get it together.

Sadly, I started reading anti-Mormon stuff due to boredom. Another issue is that I began to just not believe in God. I suppose it was because I had tried for so long to live the Gospel and I could not be happy. A couple years ago, I was becoming agnostic. However, I couldn’t explain the Book of Mormon. I tried to come up with a reason for it to not be divinely inspired and I couldn’t. So I stuck with the Church and eventually regained most of my testimony. I keep coming up with issues, though.

My smart wife has continually tried to help with my depression and anxiety. She determined that I must have ADD. Only two weeks ago, I was actually diagnosed with that. It’s crazy, but it may have actually caused the depression and anxiety and I am doing much better right now. Well, here I am. I’m not quite sure why.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the introduction. And welcome. I have appreciated your comments so far.

[Anonymous]

I also am glad you’re here. We need lots of voices of people with lots of views, especially if we really are committed to charity and so many other core Gospel principles. Echo chambers are good for some things, but they are bad for many others.

[Anonymous]

Hey Shawn, thanks for spending some time to share some of your back story. Glad to have you here with us.

[Anonymous]

thanks for the background, and welcome!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing your story.

Shawn wrote:

Well, here I am. I’m not quite sure why.

I’m not sure there needs to be a “why” … just glad you’re here to add to the discussion. :thumbup:

[Anonymous]

It’s good to meet you. I hope you will be blessed with peace and the Holy Ghost in your spiritual journey.

[Anonymous]

Shawn, welcome to the group. I liked your introduction.

Especially:

Quote:

My Savior Jesus Christ had reached down and pulled me out of the pit! It was truly wonderful.

This should be our focus above everything else.

Thanks

Mike from Milton.

[Author]

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