What are the absolute commandments to obey?

[Anonymous]

In going back and reading Elder Uchtdorf’s message from Conference again, this part really struck me as the heart of the discussion I think we’re having on commandments, and confirms to me that love, not rules, are at the heart of what I should try to align my priorities properly.

Elder Uchtdorf wrote:

But this may present a problem for some because there are so many “shoulds” and “should nots” that merely keeping track of them can be a challenge. Sometimes, well-meaning amplifications of divine principles—many coming from uninspired sources—complicate matters further, diluting the purity of divine truth with man-made addenda. One person’s good idea—something that may work for him or her—takes root and becomes an expectation. And gradually, eternal principles can get lost within the labyrinth of “good ideas.”

This was one of the Savior’s criticisms of the religious “experts” of His day, whom He chastised for attending to the hundreds of minor details of the law while neglecting the weightier matters.

So how do we stay aligned with these weightier matters? Is there a constant compass that can help us prioritize our lives, thoughts, and actions?

Once again the Savior revealed the way. When asked to name the greatest commandment, He did not hesitate. “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind,” He said. “This is the first and great commandment.” Coupled with the second great commandment—to love our neighbor as ourselves—we have a compass that provides direction not only for our lives but also for the Lord’s Church on both sides of the veil.

Because love is the great commandment, it ought to be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our Church callings, and in our livelihood. Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities, and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love is the fire that warms our lives with unparalleled joy and divine hope. Love should be our walk and our talk.

When we truly understand what it means to love as Jesus Christ loves us, the confusion clears and our priorities align. Our walk as disciples of Christ becomes more joyful. Our lives take on new meaning. Our relationship with our Heavenly Father becomes more profound. Obedience becomes a joy rather than a burden.

[Anonymous]

Poppyseed wrote:

…Addiction is an interesting trap because our brains get focused on stopping the pain rather than really meeting the need. The need itself is often genuine and valid. It just seems to me that we get suckered into selling freedom for temporary relief and not really learning the lessons of love.

You said a lot there PS! Thanks! Yes, the “need” is there (we all have the “need” for love, we just often don’t know what it is!), but we look for it in all the wrong places!

Quote:

I don’t know about any of you, but I honestly think that learning the lessons of Love are some of the hardest. And not needing outside validation seems to be one of my biggest failings. Maybe its the churches fault.

Very well said…and you are certainly NOT alone. Frankly, I think it is the plight of most of us BIC sorts. I’m going to be blunt (you know how I am… ), but we were taught not to be “selfish,” when selfish sometimes is exactly what we need to be! We are taught to “lose yourself in others,” when often doing so is the antithesis of love…and becomes codependency. Both these processes lead us to focus on outside things, rather than nourishing the inner soul; then later it is extremely uncomfortable to even say we should “love ourselves.”

Yes, we could “blame” the church…but I really think most leaders are just doing the best they can…they were taught some of the inaccuracies by their parents and leaders too.

Quote:

There are parts of me that do credit my Utah confined mormon upbringing for my current issues. But I don’t find the same flaw in the doctrine itself….just in the faulty understanding of teachers and parents and others. But then I think more broadly than that and reflect back to the war in heaven and realize the war is still being fought and that there are still casualties. It would make sense to me that where truth is, intense temptations would follow.

So…I need to learn to love myself and others too. What and where is the best place to do that? If I posture myself outside the law, can I learn the lessons I need to become better? I am not convinced.

I find it difficult to try to live according to some stories given us (like the war in heaven myth); I like to find what resonates with me, and leave the inconsistencies behind. And many handed down stories don’t fit my life mythology…and I don’t try to fit a square peg in a round hole. But that’s just me.

Quote:

Loving myself. Hardest dang thing I ever attempted. And pain has certainly blocked my vision. But I really really want and need to learn these lessons. UGH! I love the gospel and I feel I have to live it for love to happen. But I can’t deal with the dang church! It ties me in knots! How can those two things be there at the same time???

My advice? Don’t take it all so literally…so seriously. Love is simple. If it gets complicated, you’re not understanding it.

Quote:

This is one of those moments when going to get a beer makes perfect sense……except that then I would be going to the liquor store stop the pain instead of meeting the need. And there it is again, Rix’s point being made. (Deep exhaustive exhale)

Lol! I’m rolling on the floor! Actually I think a good glass of Riesling would work wonders for you…once you got past the guilt of drinking it!

😆

[Anonymous]

I just need to point out that some addictions are genetically influenced – and that SOME people really do become addicts with the “first drink” or the “first cigarette”, in practical terms. Just as it’s over-simplistic to say all addictions would cease if everyone abstained from alcohol and tobacco, it also is simplistic to say that all addictions are the result of emotional abuse or disabilities. Some really are physically-based and can be avoided only through strict abstinence.

Some things are too complicated to sum up with one or two categorizations – and that is as true of each of our own perspectives if they deny others as it is of others that deny ours.

[Anonymous]

Agreed, Ray.

I didn’t intend to imply that substance abuse was unique to those recovering from emotional abuse. Rather, that the large spectrum of addictive behavior is most commonly associated with those with emotional vulnerabilities (usually caused by emotional abuse).

@Poppy:

Very impressive, sincere post. I’ll echo Rix’s comment that you’re not alone. Obviously, I have been and am struggling daily with these same issues. Seeking external validation and approval is my achilles. It’s hard to overcome, especially when those who may have caused much of the emotional damage to our inner-selves will not or cannot validate our feelings. Parents who won’t admit that they made mistakes, the church for never owning up to anything, spouses who can’t give a simple, sincere apology, etc.

But, at the end of the day, it’s on us. We have to let go. Let go and let God. Trust His plan. Which doesn’t include gaining approval or love from anyone. Except ourselves. Which light comes from Him. I believe strongly that we will be loved how we love. If we love with expectations, we will be loved with expectations. And that is a minefield. If we love with pure intent, without any expectation of love in return, without concern for how we are viewed, without thought of what people will say, then, and only then, can love become the two-way emotionally filling experience that God intends to have with us, each, individually.

We become one with Him. He becomes one with us. And, two loving individuals in this same honest relationship may also become one in this way. Unconditional love.

I must add that unconditional love can work because that IS God’s plan. Life was created with all of the problems, solutions, pain, joy, misery, happiness built in. God need not create those special just for us. He has already created it for all of us, His children. Life will teach us, like I said elsewhere, either the hard way or the easy way. But we will get those lessons. God need not withhold anything. We’ll learn because life was set up to teach us. In this way, He can love us unconditionally, without expectations, without disappointment. He knows that we will have to go through what we have to go through to learn those lessons. He is there to love, support, inspire not to punish. And, we can return that unconditional love in kind, recognizing that this life is the gift and that we are blessed to experience all that life has to offer: good, bad, ugly.

Like it says elsewhere, God doesn’t need anyone to defend Him. His plan is perfect. His love is unconditional. We’re here to learn to be like Him by interacting in these same healthy, loving ways with each other. That’s my view.

[Anonymous]

Somebody please remind me to come back and re-read this thread every few weeks!

[Anonymous]

Orson wrote:

Somebody please remind me to come back and re-read this thread every few weeks!

Orson, come back and re-read this thread every few weeks.

Now, remind me to remind you.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

Orson wrote:

Somebody please remind me to come back and re-read this thread every few weeks!

Orson, come back and re-read this thread every few weeks.

Now, remind me to remind you.

Rix, remember to remind Orson.

Sorry, couldn’t resist. Let’s let it stop here.

[Anonymous]

Old-Timer wrote:

Quote:

Orson wrote:

Somebody please remind me to come back and re-read this thread every few weeks!

Orson, come back and re-read this thread every few weeks.

Now, remind me to remind you.

Rix, remember to remind Orson.

Sorry, couldn’t resist. Let’s let it stop here.

Okay. 😆

[Anonymous]

Rix wrote:

My $.02…as we progress through the stages of faith, the commandments reduce to one. Love. Everything else hinges on that — and once we understand the deeper meaning, the specifics of the others don’t matter anymore.

Love it Rix!! That is exactly my stance as well.

[Anonymous]

Rix wrote:

Very well said…and you are certainly NOT alone. Frankly, I think it is the plight of most of us BIC sorts. I’m going to be blunt (you know how I am… ), but we were taught not to be “selfish,” when selfish sometimes is exactly what we need to be! We are taught to “lose yourself in others,” when often doing so is the antithesis of love…and becomes codependency. Both these processes lead us to focus on outside things, rather than nourishing the inner soul; then later it is extremely uncomfortable to even say we should “love ourselves.”

I couldn’t agree more. There is an upside and downside to almost everything in this life. A proper balance goes a long ways. I believe Love reigns supreme yet is not always found in reciprocity.

BTW, this thread is brilliant. It ought to be canonized! The book of StayLDS!

[Anonymous]

I have been pondering this thread. All I can think about is sacrifice. If love is the goal and all the commandments hang on this, then how does one obtain the love within themselves? My gut tells me that its the process of sacrifice ….specically the sacrifice that obedience is suppose to inspire. Our savior loved us, not just by telling us, but through the greatest act of sacrifice. It seems to me that he would cease to be love if the sacrifice was absent from the equation. So why wouldn’t it be the same for us?

[Anonymous]

Poppyseed, you might want to read something I wrote a while ago:

“Losing One’s Life” (http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2008/07/losing-ones-life.html)

Notice, Jesus didn’t say, “No greater love . . . die for his friends,” but rather, “”No greater love . . . lay down his life for his friends.” There is a difference between dying and laying down one’s life.

For more on a practical application of that concept, read the following about my father:

“My Niece Died This Morning” (http://thingsofmysoul.blogspot.com/2007/10/my-niece-died-this-morning.html)

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure if this is the paradigm that you’re thinking of poppy but…. for me:

Sacrifice is another word we use to signify an overcoming of the emotionally damaging aspects of life: greed, sense of superiority, self-aggrandizement, or selfishness to fulfill those desires.

I see how obedience could seem like sacrifice and vice-versa. But, again, I think it goes to intent. Yes, it is a sacrifice to pay tithing if you’re doing it out of obedience. If you’re doing it out of love, it’s more an opportunity, a learning experience, a way to self-adjust in a transcendent way, a way to give of yourself to something bigger. Again, another way to express love.

And, I guess, when you are questioning a long-held belief structure, the reasons for hanging onto that belief structure become more personal and your own individual perspective may feel more “correct” for you in the faith/belief paradigm you’ve constructed for yourself.

Christ sacrificed out of love. But, that sacrifice was not necessarily a sacrifice as much as an expression of love. Or, it was obedience but, again, more an expression of love. So, if our own intention is sacrifice and obedience, we’ll have our “reward” in the next life. If our intention is love, the “reward” is progression and a potential for “celestial” happiness in this life. Which, if you believe it, will continue on to the next life.

Sorry, I’m not articulating well, but, I think that the lesson to be learned in this life is how to be happy, not how to sacrifice and obey (although there is surely some overlap depending on your perspective of those concepts)

It’s just a tricky thing to navigate when thinking of these things in a spiritual/faith/belief structure. I know that I want my kids to look both ways before they cross a street. It’s a “rule”. And, I find myself using emotionally abusive tactics to get them to “obey”. That’s a lesson that I don’t want them to learn the “hard” way.

But, does the ends justify the means? For me, at this stage in their lives, it does. But, I hope that as they grow to teenagers and beyond, I’ll be able to use less coercion and more love, so that they can discover the self-recognition, self-control, and self-motivation to make their own decisions on all aspects of life. Then, they can “own” their decisions, their beliefs, their feelings. And not be manipulated or coerced, even if the intention of the manipulator/coercer is “good”.

If I can show them a good example of what it is to be a loving, caring, emotionally healthy person without trying to “mold” them into what I think that should look like, then they will be able to trust the “good”, the “light” that is in them.

And, of course, this would be most similar to my own concept of “God” and His relationship with us, His children. But, in my personal belief paradigm, I’m getting my directions directly from Him, using His inspiration to deduce what is “correct” for me. Not trusting explicitly those who self-proclaim to be His “servants”.

And, for most that may be the key. Being emotionally independent of those “servants”. Gaining confidence in our own ability to discern. I don’t need the city traffic planner to come do a lesson in FHE to teach my children the “rule” about crossing the street. It definitely could be helpful, but I can teach them that myself. Over time, my kids and all of us need to find that “still small voice” that talks only to us, individually. And, for me, that’s the guide. And, of course, that could include a previous belief structure reshaped to my personal specifications or it could be completely unique and unrecognizable to anyone else.

fwiw

[Anonymous]

Very well said swim!

As far as the sacrifice/obedience/love order, I think it can be a cart/horse or chicken/egg type discussion. Does sacrifice help to grow love? I think so.

Does love bear the fruits of sacrifice and “obedience”, I think so.

In the end I think for you the right way to look at it is the way that makes sense to you — the way that inspires you to become in some small way a better person tomorrow than you are today. Can you imagine the world having a simiar goal?

[Anonymous]

I am with you swim. But I don’t see the love being as profound without the sacrifice. He is God yet he bled from every pore. It wasn’t like giving away moeny to the poor when I have millions.

Each time I obey, I sacrifice my will for his. And why do I do that? It might be love. It might be faith or trust or an experiment upon the word. Slowly, my will and His will or my desires and His desires start to look more similar and perhaps the sacrifice becomes less and less or the thing I sacrifice may change as each part of my spirit and character and nature is given attention. King Limhi said he would give up his sins to know God. Knowing God is becoming like him, not knowing about him or just acting like what we think love is. This is the fundamental essense of becoming like Christ and what this whole church gospel thing is about.

[Author]

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