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One thing that confronts me regularly now that I am working on my personal clock when it comes to my relationship with the church, is what I am willing to relax or lessen in my life for the sake of my personal happines, and what I will maintain, from our church culture. What are your non-negotiables? For me, I am not willing to change the word of wisdom, foir example. I find that a helpful commandment, and one that I have never regretted living.
What are your most important non-negotiables?
I have to think on this a bit. Definitely will not give up the word of wisdom…always been a good thing for me. Really don’t want to give up anything that would affect not having my temple recommend. I gain much when I go into the temple. At the moment I can not think of a thing that is exclusive to the church that I am not willing to negotiate on. Maybe my commitment to my wife is an absolute with no compromise, but that is not really an exclusive Mormon thing. It is just the right thing to do. My family being happy and being together comes first, before any other commitments or covenants. I feel it is a divine duty and responsibility to take the best care of my wife and children as I am able. So anything Church-related that conflicts with that will probably lose out if it can’t be negotiated or balanced in some way. I won’t let anyone tell me I can’t be Mormon. That just pisses me off and makes me want to prove them wrong. Rebellion and disobedience is a two-edged sword.
😈 Brian Johnston wrote:I won’t let anyone tell me I can’t be Mormon. That just pisses me off and makes me want to prove them wrong. Rebellion and disobedience is a two-edged sword.
😈 Certainly agree with that. I’ve heard some ridiculous statements from outside the church.
My family The existence of God (however that concept is defined)
Individual worth / divine nature / dignity of the soul of every human being
The Golden Rule (my own interpretation of it)
The 11th Article of Faith
maybe some more, but that’s the start
I am still in the stage of being willing to negotiate almost anything, including the existence of God. That doesn’t mean I have let go of very much, I still believe in God, Christ, Joseph the prophet, the Book of Mormon, temple covenants, and the Church. But I’m open to it if something required me to negotiate and let go…I would negotiate as needed. I’ve just found ways to stay without needing to negotiate…you know, focusing on the cafeteria approach. Perhaps what I would not negotiate would be what I feel is right in my heart (my conscience). I just cannot suspend all logic and personal revelation for devotion to the institution. So as long as my personal revelation is guiding my heart, I can negotiate a lot, as I continue to prove the Church is there to build me up, not that I exist to staff the Church (as Elder Packer said recently, paraphrased).
My relationships with my family are also non-negotiables for me.
Those might be the only two things. All else builds up around them.
I have been trying to set my life in order. I was thinking “what do I want from life?”, and came up with the following: * Find myself a career I can enjoy, which pays okay (not necessarily high paid), and in which I do not feel like I am exploiting anyone.
* Find myself a fine woman to be my wife, who will understand me (and me her), and will be a good companion to me, possibly mother of my children. So far, I notice physically attractive women in the church (who usually turn out to be the wives of Americans), but none that I am emotionally attracted to. It seems a tall order this one. More so than the last one.
* Leave behind at least one great art work. Or one that I can feel proud of. It might be a magazine, a novel, a play, or whatever, but I’m working on it.
At the moment I’d say I’m fairly non-negotiable in my politics. I keep on running into homophobia, militarism, and plain ignorance of political situations in the church.
Heber13 wrote:…Perhaps what I would not negotiate would be what I feel is right in my heart (my conscience). I just cannot suspend all logic and personal revelation for devotion to the institution…
My relationships with my family are also non-negotiables for me.
Those might be the only two things. All else builds up around them.
I agree.Part of my conscience is common sense…
Word of Wisdom: When I’m driving, I’ll drink caffeine, but on a regular basis, it makes me stressed.
I wouldn’t trust myself drinking… momhood is 24-7 & I wouldn’t drink on the job.
Marriage is legally meant to protect children (future of society), who can only be produced between a man & a woman. No negotiating on that.
All are created equal… and all have the right to life, liberty & the pursuit of happiness… even if they are developing human beings… “children” in womb.
Killing a life is sometimes needed, only if a greater good is the result (ie the mother’s life is saved)… otherwise it is non-negotiable.
Prayer before eating just feels right… for me & my family to pause to remember spiritual aspects before temporal.
Hmmm. Tough question without being confronted with the specific situations that would cause me to negotiate. Here’s what I think right now: – My conscience. I would not do something that violates what I believe is right.
– Human rights and equality. I would not support anything that reduces people’s dignity or their rights to pursue happiness. Live and let live.
– Honesty and authenticity. I am comfortable in my own skin, and I won’t pretend to be someone I’m not.
– My family. They come first, and I won’t sacrifice their happiness.
When it comes to Mormon-specific things, I would not trade down on the following:
– The existence of a Heavenly Mother. This is just logical to me. I only wish we embraced her more openly and talked about and to her.
– A corporeal God. This just makes sense to me, and I like the idea that we are not haters of the physical side of life.
– The idea that we can progress to be like God. Call me arrogant, but everyone needs a goal.
– Eternal relationships in families, the idea that we are all connected in the human family. At family funerals, I have truly felt close to the departed as if they have continued.
– Priesthood blessings. I have had many experiences that have worked for me.
– A church that creates such responsible skilled kids. No freeloading donuts and coffee in the foyer church for me listening to some professional pastor on a stage!
– Word of Wisdom. I wouldn’t care if others drank alcohol or coffee, but I would not even if I weren’t in the church. As for cigarettes – nasty and impolite!
Like Brian, nobody can tell me I’m not Mormon enough or that I don’t meet their definition of what is a Mormon.
Prayer- A few years ago a question came to my mind, “If everything you use to worship or remain spiritual were taken from you what would you do?” When my pondering was finished – prayer was the thing I still needed. Maybe it’s because I talk alot 
Family The golden rule – being kind.
One can go to god for answers – rather than the institutional authority.
Oh and the WoW — it’s non negotiable that I don’t’ believe in it, it’s a man made commandment, and will not live it.
🙂 Two things; one doctrinal, one cultural. Semi Adult Content: From a doctrinal standpoint, I, personally, am grateful for the way my life has played out by following the law of Chastity (no sex before marriage, then remaining faithful to your spouse). I understand why nearly everyone else in the world, including many Christians, have already, or are actively trying to push this off the cultural stove top, but Mormonism will always have it. I’m not saying that I care to force my views on others, and I’d probably have a much different view if I were single at this stage of life. But for me, I think it creates an overwhelmingly strong bond between my wife and me that this is something that we have together and only together.
From a cultural standpoint, I love the undercurrent of heritage that we share in the church. Most of us know who our great-grandparents were. That’s uncommon outside of the church. Whether we are 7th-generation or 1st-generation Mormons, we look to the pioneers for strength. I love that about our church. I’ve observed over the years that there are other groups in society that look to ancestors, but nearly always in a “look how poorly they were treated way” where in the LDS Church, we look at our ancestors in a “look what they where able to accomplish in the face of adversity” way, and that makes for a significant environment of can-do/independent/strong trait in Mormon culture… perhaps similar to the way Brits think of surviving The Blitz as a nation. I have frequently thought of Eliza Partridge Lyman, and doing so gives me courage. She gave birth to her first child on the trail in Iowa. That boy died in Winter Quarters 5 months later. A year and a half later, she set out on the trail to Utah, again pregnant. On August 20, 1848, the baby was born, and on the same day, she wrote in her journal, “This is the second son that I have had born in a wagon and I still think it is a most uncomfortable place to be sick in… The journey thus far has not been very pleasant to me, as I have been very nearly helpless all the way, but it is all right. We are going from the land of our oppressors to where we hope to raise our children in the fear of the Lord and where they will never suffer by the hands of our enemies as we have done.” We know who we are as a people. We know how we got to where we are. That is a culture from which I can’t easily extract myself, nor do I want to.
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