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Our bishop does the same thing, and he finds it easier to stay in touch with people. The thing with any email and text message is you can always copy multiple parties, so there really is no reason the bishop can’t text your daughter, you and your husband on the same text message. My bishop does this to our family, because it saves him time rather than my daughter coming to ask us why he is requesting to meet with him, then we call him to ask, then we work it out, then we go back to our daughter….so technology can save time, but it can create more communication confirmations and emails also. Sometimes its easier to just pick up the phone and talk. So…I would make this point to the bishop…that it isn’t saving time if it creates run-a-rounds. Simple solution: Send the group email or text message to the teenagers and their parents. That is what our bishop does now and it helps us know what he is sending our kids.
For emails…if they pass around a sheet for emails…my kids give my email so everything comes to me. I check my email more often then they check theirs anyway, so it actually works better.
If you have to, I think you can always block a number so your kids can’t receive texts from others. I feel the same way you do…I feel uncomfortable not knowing what others are saying to my kids. I think you are a good parent to feel that way, and do something about it. That’s responsible.
Earl Parsons wrote:I don’t know guys. This has been going on for a year and the bishop and his counselor are actively trying to get their contact information and ignoring their parents’ requests.
If you can be firm in a way that isn’t offensive, that’s great. I have a hard time doing both firm and not offensive.
I’m not saying that your bishop is dangerous, but too often in our society we ignore warning signs because we don’t want to offend someone or make anyone uncomfortable. As a parent, if you think something is inappropriate, it’s inappropriate.
I agree, Earl…I doubt the bishop is dangerous. But there are boundaries that the ward should respect. They may not understand why,and may be offended at first, but it depends on how important it is to you and your family. If it is important…then handle it tactfully, but don’t back down just because others may be offended. That is a “them” problem, not a “you” problem. You sound like you’re doing good trying to balance being firm and not offensive. I think it is entirely possible to find that balance…in fact, it is healthy to do so, and your kids will see that example. (They always see how us parents deal with things).The church is there for the individual and the families. They say that all the time. Hold them to it.
2 years ago I finally had to give the bishop a mandate that no meetings (even in person) without me present. He didn’t like it because some were worthiness issues he was worried if my kids would be honest with me there. I just told him it was either that or we don’t hold the meetings. It lasted a couple months (with pretty few meetings, I might add), and then things got better and we didn’t have to keep that up. Now, 2 years later, no one really remembers that time…so in the long-run, it can work out and people get over the offensive feelings if there are other experiences to over-shadow it…like our family volunteering to clean the church or do service. Little stuff goes away, even though I was worried it would be a big deal when I put my foot down. That was my experience. Now…like I said in my prior post, the bishop copies us on text messages…and it is no biggie. My daughter is actually grateful we stuck up for her needs over worrying about others being offended. She needs to know we are there for her, no matter what.
SIGH……. I talked to one of daughters about this situation today. She said the bishop had sent her TWO TEXTS IN THE LAST WEEK!
Sorry for shouting but I am literally at my wit’s end.
They were group texts but there is no reason that we shouldn’t be on the group text list. It isn’t like this is a new issue.
Seriously. I am so upset right now I can’t do anything because anything I do will be an overreaction because I am so frustrated with this issue. (egging his house comes to mind)
Maybe when I have calmed down a little I’ll send a email to the SP or something.
Clearly emailing the bishop will do no good.
I am stunned that this has happened.
rebeccad wrote:(egging his house comes to mind)
…
😈 – not a bad idea…could provide some family bonding moment??😆 It doesn’t seem he’s getting a clue.
:crazy: Here is another strategy:
– NEVER reply to any of them. Your family and your daughter should immediately delete them. It is juvenile, but when my youngest son gets upset at the older kids teasing…I tell him to not respond and it ruins the expectation of getting a reaction out of him.
It just may be past the point of worrying about offending anyone. It just needs to go up a level. No response might get his attention his style is ineffective. If he really cares about you, he can pick up the phone.
rebeccad wrote:Maybe when I have calmed down a little I’ll send a email to the SP.
Yes, contact your SP. And if that doesn’t work, keep going. Yes, these people are volunteers, and they didn’t ask for the job, but the way we are all thrown together creates an intimacy that most of us also didn’t ask for, and that intimacy sometimes needs to be managed. Your opinion in this matter must be respected.rebeccad, I’ll share with you some frustrations, and then get to some suggestions.
First, I really hate texting as a substitute for talking in just about every case. Call me old fashioned, but I believe there has been a palpable drop in civility, empathy, stability and personality that is going to rule the day once us old-timers are gone. Sorry all you “multi-taskers”… just calling it like I see it.
In this particular case, Texting for the Lord is just weird and unnecessary.
Now, the issue of taking it up with the SP. Just realize that this will have side-effects. If you feel like your daughters are in danger, you should absolutely do it without even finishing reading this post… but if it really just comes down to the Bishop being insensitive about a family practice of yours, and you are annoyed that he’s not honoring your request, then you might reconsider. I took up an issue with a SP who is a friend of mine, and still felt a little like a betrayer and like I was just complaining. He tried to work with me, but it put both him and the person in question in a defensive mode, and that wasn’t what I intended or wanted. When you are talking about your bishop, you have to ask yourself… are you willing to accept the fallout of the conflict that this will create? Maybe you are, but this is has to be an eyes wide-open decision.
Your bishop either doesn’t get how important this is to you, or doesn’t really realize he’s even doing it, or doesn’t think it’s all that bad and is just ignoring you. In any of the above, I think the least confrontational way is simply to block (blacklist) emails and texts coming from people you want to exclude. Then tell the ward that you have “changed” your emails and cell phone numbers (and don’t give them the new ones). I had a coworker who had a cell phone number, and we were all required to put our cell numbers on a company directory in case the boss need to contact you, so he just “accidentally” transposed a couple of numbers so that the valid number wasn’t there, but there was no way for somebody to say that he had done it intentionally.
For me, personally, and it’s just the way I operate, so your approach has to be your own, but for me, I would go to the bishop, tell him in person, “you know, it’s just kind of weird… I mean, we have this general family policy, and I just feel like even after explaining it to you and asking for your help, that my kids are still getting texts and emails from adult ward leaders… so, I’ve set our phones all to block any calls, texts or emails from ward members. Feel free to call our home phone of course.”
On Own Now…it does seem like we are moving more towards this kind of socialization…not away from it. Clearly there are the cons that go with such generational changes. In the news today:
http://www.cnn.com/2012/09/10/tech/mobile/our-mobile-society-intro-oms/index.html?hpt=hp_c2 ” class=”bbcode_url”> http://www.cnn.com/2012/09/10/tech/mobile/our-mobile-society-intro-oms/index.html?hpt=hp_c2
Quote:Another young person, age 13, told Turkle she doesn’t like to pick up the phone, only text. “Texting offers just the right amount of access, just the right amount of control,” the author writes. “She is a modern Goldilocks: for her, texting puts people not too close, not too far, but at just the right distance. The world is now full of modern Goldilockses, people who take comfort in being in touch with a lot of people whom they also keep at bay.
I have seen the missionaries are now issued mobile phones as well. They text me all the time (well, the companionship before did before transfers).
Some YM/YW leaders and bishoprics are going to try to adopt and use these tools to keep in touch with youth. The questions is…how to do it appropriately. Leaders should never over-step parents even if their intentions are good.
On Own Now wrote:… but if it really just comes down to the Bishop being insensitive about a family practice of yours, and you are annoyed that he’s not honoring your request, then you might reconsider.
OON, I think your advice is good, level-headed, and well-considered. But I know that for me, personally, level-headed doesn’t apply where my kids are concerned, and I am unapologetic about that. Yes, if someone ignores a direct request from me, even though it’s an annoyance I will forebear pretty much indefinitely … UNLESS it has something to do with my kids and my perception of their well-being. At that point the gloves come off. I am not saying that is right or wrong, it’s just the way I am.
Wait….did he send the two additional texts after you had sent him the email you posted for us to see? Maybe because it was a group email, he didn’t think that would matter. If he did send them after your most recent email and you are sure he received and read it, I would suggest trying one more time and spelling out that this is even for group emails. That you don’t want your daughters to become used to receiving texts from any adult males. The fallout from this could be huge if you go to the SP. Getting labeled is not a good thing, believe me.
If you can present this as safety rules for your family in general and it has nothing to do with him personally, but that it is important not to set an precedent, it would surely go over much easier. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, that maybe he didn’t receive the email or didn’t understand it applied to group texts also, can surely do no harm and might save a lot of heartache.
We are all in agreement that your family rules need to be respected!
:thumbup: Or you could go on the offensive. Fight technology with technology. Post a Craigslist add for “Please text me if you are interested in buying a used coffee grinder. $5 OBO”. List the bishop’s number.
Create new listings every time your daughter gets a text message or email. Dating websites are also an option.
:silent: I sent the email today, the most recent text was sent two days before that. It was a group text. Why we have not been added to the group email list after all the conversations we have had is beyond me. The text prior to that was a text sent only to my kids; welcoming them back from vacation and asking for their email addresses.
Good point about going to the SP, it would be quite hard to get past the SP’s inherent bias toward the bishop. He hardly knows us at all, while he hand picked the bishop and works with him a lot.
I just want to nominate Heber’s last comment for some kind of award – Comment of the Year, perhaps. I couldn’t stop laughing. 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 😆 Block his number and e-mail address if it happens again. No explanation; no confrontation. If he says anything to you or your kids, all of you can say, honestly, “Sorry, we didn’t get them.”
or, you could use Heber’s approach and say:
Quote:“Sorry, we blocked that number, because some creeper was impersonating you and sending messages we knew you wouldn’t send since this is a family-oriented church and no leader would intentionally circumvent the righteous desires of parents when it comes to their kids.”
Quote:“Sorry, we blocked that number, because some creeper was impersonating you and sending messages we knew you wouldn’t send since this is a family-oriented church and no leader would intentionally circumvent the righteous desires of parents when it comes to their kids.”
^^ Genius
Quote:Post a Craigslist add for “Please text me if you are interested in buying a used coffee grinder. $5 OBO”. List the bishop’s number.
^^Evil Genius
I started not to comment…went outside and did some work and couldn’t get it out of my mind. Have we forgotten the scandals of the Catholic priests from a few years back?
Let me get this straight…you have been warning this creep for over a year to have zero texts to your kids without your consent and he still persists?
I would suggest contacting the SP and/or child protective services immediately. I wouldn’t wait until in the morning.
I don’t have words to address the individual who would even consider being “labeled” as some sort of warning not to protect your children…. Hell, stand up in Fast/testimony meeting and let everyone know what this guy is doing.
How can anyone worry about being “labeled” when peoples’ kids well-being is at stake?
I wonder how many Catholic childrens’ lives were ruined because some wimpy parent didn’t want to be “labeled”?
I’m sorry….mean no disrespect….but that “labeled” warning is …. what’s the word?
SICK
Bruce, I understand your point and don’t disagree at all, given the right situation… but in this case, only rebeccad is in a position to say whether the bishop is a creeper or just a poor administrator. I think the thoughts expressed on this thread all assume this. In that light, I’ll still stand by my statement:
On Own Now wrote:
Now, the issue of taking it up with the SP. Just realize that this will have side-effects. If you feel like your daughters are in danger, you should absolutely do it without even finishing reading this post… but if it really just comes down to the Bishop being insensitive about a family practice of yours, and you are annoyed that he’s not honoring your request, then you might reconsider.
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