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Thus the reason I stated what “I” would do. “insensitive about a family practice”? Really?
She’s been telling this clown to stop for a year.
Some might call that “insensitivity” on the part of this adult male….some might call it stereotypical behavior of a very sick person. Personally I would err on the side of caution and raise enough hell to have his butt bounced out of the bishopric but, heck….what do I know?
Oh that’s right….a family might get “labeled”. My bad.
Blatant sarcasm intended.
Bruce in Montana wrote:Thus the reason I stated what “I” would do.
“insensitive about a family practice”? Really?
She’s been telling this clown to stop for a year.
Some might call that “insensitivity” on the part of this adult male….some might call it stereotypical behavior of a very sick person. Personally I would err on the side of caution and raise enough hell to have his butt bounced out of the bishopric but, heck….what do I know?
Oh that’s right….a family might get “labeled”. My bad.
Blatant sarcasm intended.
i am so totally with bruce here. text messages from bishop to kids is NOT ACCEPTABLE.Also, a lot of the leaders in units are now on facebook with the kids and are all parents monitoring for private messages there? Another kettle of fish! But so many are using technology to save time and to connect with the kids more efficiently. I have absolutely NO problem with leaders, including Bishops, using texting and Facebook and e-mail to communicate with members – including the teenagers. However, I have a HUGE problem with Bishops using those media to communicate privately with teenagers – especially when they have been asked by parents to include the parents in the communication. I want leaders to embrace technology to enhance communication. I want wards, branches and stakes to use blogs and Facebook to communicate about lots of things. I want outreach to shut-ins and inactive or less-active members to include newer technologies. I don’t want to have to rely on traditional phone calls.
I just want it done openly and publicly when it involves someone in the position of a Bishop, especially – or any adult leader who is communicating with youth, really, but especially Bishops and Branch Presidents and especially adult men communicating with teenage girls.
Really weird….I posted a comment before my last and it’s not here. There must be a place these lost posts wind up? Bruce, I don’t think with the level of watchfulness that Rebeccad indicates in her post, that her children are in immediate danger. Correct me if I am wrong Rebeccad. However, the bishop is blatantly ignoring the requests, doesn’t totally understand or is overwhelmed and it’s not staying on his radar. I don’t think exercising a bit more charity and patience is going to hurt anything.
Getting labeled can be a big deal and have side effects and no one suggested sacrificing the children in order to escape being labeled.
He may have meant to put the parents in on the group email and just simply got distracted and forgot. A little more communication in this area certainly cannot hurt.
Rebeccad, I would really emphasize the you don’t want to set the precedent for the girls to receive text messages from adult males. Maybe he will change his practices all the way around and you will have benefitted the whole ward.
I think the men really need to think hard about this and not put themselves into this situation. I also don’t have a problem with group texts.
This attitude of your Bishop continues to bother me. I’m sure that he isn’t doing anything suspicious. But, you never know.
He should avoid the appearance of impropriety.
Either the family is the most important & basic unit of the church or it isn’t.
It is & the Bishop should do everthing he can to support the wishes of the family.
After the things we went through with my Daughter, I wouldn’t put up with it either.
Mike from Milton.
rebeccad, you’ve gotten a broad spectrum of thoughts on this thread. Do what you think is best for your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you. rebeccad, I went back and read your originial post. I apologize that all you have already done didn’t sink into my brain so well. You have already been pretty clear about all this and it does seem your bishopric does not want to get it. If it was our family’s situation, I would probably go ahead and make an appointment with the stake president at this point. You really could benefit the whole ward when you make your points. None of the men should be insisting on being able to send private messages to teenage girls, period! How not smart of them to put themselves into this situation!
Good luck rebeccad. You are in my prayers.
rebeccad wrote:1. Almost a year ago my husband and I had a long a detailed conversation with our bishop about appropriate interactions between adults and teenagers. As a part of that conversation we requested that no adult in ward leadership send any message to our teenagers without also sending a message us. If confidential communication is needed it should be done in person at the church. We explained our very specific reasons for the request, and the bishop agreed, and suggested that it be a ward policy.
Good policy if Parents request it. A couple of frank thoughts if I may? As a Bishop I send messages to youth that are church related. We have a 15 year old female who is our Ward Music Director. I email her asking her for music and asking for input on musical issues. I email other youth as well. Now that said, If a parent requested that all relayed information go to them as well, I would both respect and oblige that decision, as the church supports family and not vice versa. If it is made a ward policy then all should respect it.
Now I must also add that nothing against you but might your Bishop’s perspective be different, might he see things in another way? I have had members of the Ward strongly disagree with me and even gossip to others that my direction and decisions are badly implemented.
It is always difficult to share insight until one has both sides of the story. That said as a Parent you have the last word on what will and will not occur in the church’s and it’s leader’s relationship with your daughter
Quote:2. The bishop continued to send my teenage daughters text messages without sending us a copy for 6 months, even after repeated reminders that we didn’t want him to, and he had agreed not to.
Sometimes I mess up in things I set a policy on. for example I may ask the Ward to use my Exec. Sec. to set up appointments but then I can’t find him quickly and just set something up with the person directly. Does he know how serious your are about this issue. Are you certain he knows how serious?
Quote:3. A member of the bishopric approached us about calling our daughter into a class presidency and requested since she would be in the class presidency that the bishop be allowed to text her without sending us a copy. We refused.
I completely agree there is no class issue that is so confidential that you can’t hear about it, that this YW should know about anyway. I don’t know the specifics, though in my ward I would see no issue with having a parent be included on all messages to the youth.
Quote:4. Our bishop sends text messages frequently. As far as we know he has stopped sending texts to our daughters completely, but he still frequently texts other YW in the ward.
Again, up to parents as I message YW in my ward too, if they are in a calling such as Music Director or Laurels President. I see this as a individual Families decision on policy. Also if I see them on Facebook I’ll say hi and how are you doing?
Quote:5. Yesterday at church, the bishop asked our daughters to give him their email addresses
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I usually ask the parents for the youth’s email so they are aware I am asking and they have say on whether I get it, I wouldn’t feel comfortable automatically assuming this Bishop is being malicious simply because he asked youth for an email, as I have done that in BYC to communicate things with youth and have not gone through parents though not intentionally
Quote:What would you do in this situation?
If you feel that you have conveyed how serious this issue is to you, and you feel there is something awry here, you should sit down with him with your husband present (better to have a third person in these types of conflicts) and in full disclosure share your feelings on the matter. You should let him know what you feel is innapropriate. If the other parents know he has their children’s emails and are ok with it, there isn’t much you can do nor do I see that as evil by itself. If while talking to him you still feel this is a serious issue and something just doesn’t feel right, let him know in a kind way that you would feel better if you talked to the stake president about it. then call the SP and set up a time to talk to him. I would not go to the Stake President without first telling the Bishop you plan to do so, as that will break any level of positive feelings left and cause more harm to the situation.
Rebeccad, I have had the unfortunate duty to prosecute quite a number of child victim cases, and the only advice I have for you is this: You do whatever, however, whenever you need to in order to protect your children. Period.Don’t worry about how it’s going to be perceived. Don’t worry about the message it’ll send. Don’t worry about hurting another adult’s feelings. The slight embarrassment or discomfort you might cause some adult is infinitely tiny compared to the trauma inflicted on children who are victims of abuse. If your ‘radar’ is pinging, act on it. No adult is above suspicion. Those poor, faithful Catholics who trusted their priests are proof enough that no one can be absolutely trusted. It’s very, very sad that our society has come to that, but it has. My $.02.
I would go into the child’s email account and change the message rules to automatically forward any messages from the bishop’s/counselors/teacher’s email addresses to yours. This is generally very easily done. This doesn’t negate the obligation for them to honor your request. It simply allows you to monitor their obedience to that request which is very reasonable. I really like the last suggestion about forwarding messages. Quote:change the message rules to automatically forward any messages from the bishop’s/counselors/teacher’s email addresses to yours
This is a great idea. I’ll figure out how to do it.
I sent what my husband approved as a reasonable email to him yesterday, basically stating that I had seen he hadn’t been keeping with the our request, that we both had previously understood, and again requesting him to comply.
Today I got this response: “Will do”
Often the biggest challenge to protecting your children is knowing who the bad guys are. I don’t know if my bishop is one or not. But to me disregaring a direct request from parents regarding your children is a big step in the bad guy direction.
Hopefully that isn’t the case, hopefully he is just vain, or forgetful, or thinks he is beyond rules. (all bad, but not a direct danger to my family)
rebeccad wrote:Quote:change the message rules to automatically forward any messages from the bishop’s/counselors/teacher’s email addresses to yours
This is a great idea. I’ll figure out how to do it.
There are two issues here. The primary one is the safety of your children and your peace of mind. The other is that there is a principle involved having to do with what constitutes acceptable relationships between children and adults who are not in the same family. Arguably, this is also an important concern, and if you have a strong opinion on the matter, which you clearly do, I think it is incumbent on you to make a big deal about it, if necessary, to get the message across. Maybe some parents don’t care, but the fact that you have an issue is a good indication that other parents might as well.You can address the first issue with technology, but not the second. I think continuing the dialogue with the bishop so that he and, hopefully, everyone else in the ward that interacts with youth, will get the message loud and clear.
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