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Brian Johnston wrote:Rix wrote:
I would only add that it doesn’t need to be “true,” just believable.
QFT !It works when believed. It does not work when we don’t connect to it in that way, when we use our left brain thinking to deconstruct it to pieces and reduce it all to labels. The experience is in the doing and being.
I’ll 2nd that! Also, I think that we all yearn to belong. It’s built-in.If I understand correctly, the conscience is a gift given to us by our Creator so we wouldn’t stray too far from His will, so it seems like the conscience would keep people on the spiritual path. But this does not account for the large majority of people who have absolutely no interest in religion or in improving their behavior at all (my entire family falls into this category, with the exception of my father who is aspiring to be a Buddhist monk). I have had brief periods where I didn’t subscribe to any religion, and even tried to be “normal” like most of the materialists in my family, but there was always an emptiness and restlessness that wouldn’t go away until I resumed total dedication to a particular relgion. I cannot, try as I might, disregard the gospel, all the world scriptures and teachings of saintly people throughout the centuries and just try to “eat drink and be merry” like most of the rest of humanity. My conscience would never let me rest, and life without religion is not fulfilling to me at all.
I often have trouble discerning between my conscience versus my tendency to be a perfectionist. Part of why I’m drawn to the LDS Church is because I like having a clear standard to follow. It prevents me from being either too lenient or too hard on myself. I’ve had the most peace of mind when obedient to those in religious authority. I can see how some people might think that this is infantile, like a child seeking the approval of her parent. But I’ve come to terms with the fact that this is simply how my mind functions. Obedience = peace of mind. Of course, I can’t share this with anyone who isn’t a member of an authoritative religion because they will think I am in a cult — especially since I’ve pretty much lost all credibility due to my recent two year stint in a fundamentalist religious commune.
kira wrote:Of course, I can’t share this with anyone who isn’t a member of an authoritative religion because they will think I am in a cult — especially since I’ve pretty much lost all credibility due to my recent two year stint in a fundamentalist religious commune.
Oh? I’m curious what you mean by this. Anything you care to share here?
kira wrote:I cannot, try as I might, disregard the gospel, all the world scriptures and teachings of saintly people throughout the centuries and just try to “eat drink and be merry” like most of the rest of humanity. My conscience would never let me rest, and life without religion is not fulfilling to me at all.
Kira, remember, there are many paths to meaning and purpose and happiness in life that can be valid. I do not think it is fair to view everyone as followers of scripture and “saintly people” or all the rest of humanity is “eat, drink, and be merry.”There are lots of parts of humanity that find purpose and happiness in careers, civil service, arts and education … And yes, even religion!
Kira, fwiw, with your bi-polar disorder and the other things you’ve shared about your life experiences, I get the impression that you have something of an obsessive personality. That’s not a bad thing, in and of itself, since it can lead you to very deep and profound insights and experiences – but it also can be difficult for others to relate, since they aren’t drawn naturally to such intense desires for deep immersion into things. They seek “balance”, while you appear to seek “full submersion” – if that makes sense. It also can be extremely hard to establish stability, which is the one thing to which you keep returning in your comments – the desire for stability with a personality that is not prone to it. I am not a professional counselor, and I am not given to telling people to try to change their core personalities. Personally, I believe in recognizing our foundational perspectives and using those foundations as the string to our kites, if you will. It appears that the Restored Gospel and the LDS Church function that way for you – as the anchor to which you return when your kite has flown to its limits and you need to re-establish “control” again in your life. I think your challenge now is to find a way to “explore” without actually having to “leave” – to learn to let your mind explore the cosmos while your body remains “grounded” in the Church. Frankly, that’s a pretty good description of my own approach.
My wife desperately needs peace and security in her life, so I committed long ago to the general principle I explained above in my own life. I study and discuss everything and anything – and I come to whatever conclusion makes the most sense to me (both intellectually and spiritually). I am orthodox in some ways, moderate in others, heterodox in some and WAY out there in others. However, for the sake of my wife’s sanity and the community I love, and in order to continue to be a visible face and an accepted voice, I am orthoprax to the core. Iow,
the way I THINK might be very different than many members, but the way I LIVE is very much mainstream Mormon.I don’t have any easy answers for you, but I will repeat that I believe you need to use medication and/or professional counseling to learn to harness your bi-polar disorder and obsessive tendencies – not to eliminate them, but simply to learn to use them productively and establish a degree of stability in your life.
Kira, I think Ray gave you some good advice and food for thought on this issue. I have nothing to add. Generally I can find SOMETHING to disagree with in Ray’s comments, but not today. 
cwald wrote:kira wrote:Of course, I can’t share this with anyone who isn’t a member of an authoritative religion because they will think I am in a cult — especially since I’ve pretty much lost all credibility due to my recent two year stint in a fundamentalist religious commune.
Oh? I’m curious what you mean by this. Anything you care to share here?
Read your Intro in the other thread. Got it.
Ray, Thank you, from the depths of my heart, for taking the time to share your thoughts about my current dilemma with me. Your response was both enlightening and life-altering. I especially appreciate your pointing out that I may have some obsessive personality traits – I never thought that my obsession with religion could stem from a personality disorder, but it totally makes sense now that you mention it. After struggling with this for over two decades and feeling tormented by my inability to stick with one religion, I believe you may have just uncovered the underlying cause of my dilemma!
I am going to implement your suggestions and try to stay put this time while allowing for intellectual exploration and more importantly, am also going to see a therapist for help with my biochemical imbalance. I appreciate your advice more than you probably realize. I am so grateful for your support, and for this forum!
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