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On Own Now wrote:
I’m not going to talk about the temple, because I think that’s treating the symptom. You and your husband need to get on the same page about your faith crisis/transition. Your husband is probably a problem solver by nature. You tell your husband you don’t like to attend the temple, he looks for ways to fix it. I suggest that you get away for discussing specific points of doctrine and focus on your belief about God, spirituality, and discipleship. Tell him what you do believe, not what you don’t. Reassure him that you are the same person you’ve always been, but that your faith is changing. Tell him you support his faith. Tell him you’d like to go to the temple with him, because you love him, but that you don’t need to be converted to the temple-as-salvation model in order to do so. If he’d welcome you with that understanding, then you’d welcome the chance to go with him. If you just can’t be comfortable with the temple, then take that off the table, and substitute “church” for “temple”.
This. I totally agree with this. Taking questions to the temple pres. isn’t going to help anything. I don’t feel like going to the temple right now either, but my husband knows that if he wanted me to go with him, I would. At the moment, both of us are kind of taking a break from temple attendance. I think On Own Now hit it on the head. This is about your relationship with your husband. Focusing on what you DO believe and reassuring him of your love and support for him could go a long way in a mutual understanding.
My only direct experience with a temple president (counselor to be accurate) was fairly negative and I won’t be asking them any questions unless I know the person well. I was a model missionary about to leave the mission field and believe that I asked with a lot of respect, way before doubts crept in, and I was inside the temple. I asked the counselor (his wife was there also) if he could tell me a little about the changes that had been made to the endowment ceremony. I had heard a lot about the changes and references to penalties and thought that my question was ok. I didn’t even ask if I could ask him a question, he had asked me if I had questions.
He told me it was completely inappropriate and I had no business asking it. He borderline rudely told me that I need to take the changes on faith and that if a change was made it’s as if it had always been that way. His wife even told him to calm down and just answer the question since I’d probably go home and ask the question somewhere else anyways, but he told her I had no business asking it.
Same thing happened once with a stake president counselor – innocent question, humbly asked (in my opinion) about DC 121:36 – the irony. I no longer ask real questions to people in those positions.
Roadrunner wrote:I no longer ask real questions to people in those positions.
Roadrunner, this is a good statement.
Their positions do not make them authorities on anything.
They are all just volunteers doing the best they can. Most like to stay within the safe middle mainstream and affirm things we already know…not venture into tenets of the gospel. (See D&C 19:31)
Quote:Their positions do not make them authorities on anything.
They are all just volunteers doing the best they can.
A-freaking-men.
I respect and honor the vast majority of them with whom I have served over the decades, and I hope I have been respected by most of the people who have served with me when I was one of “them” – but, in the end, position does not equal understanding automatically.
I have had leaders I loved and admired to whom I would not ask any doctrinal questions. We simply saw things too differently. I didn’t mind hearing their input, since I really do value diversity of perspective, but I didn’t seek them out to ask.
I agree with On Own Now. And I also agree with those who say that asking a Temple President questions is not going to satisfy. I trust they are all good people, but my observation about the temple has been that it is like tribal knowledge that was handed down with no explanation, and people don’t understand it and either make things up that are personal opinions or just pass on what others have said. I shared an experience that I had. I am not a lover of attending the temple. I dislike the sexism and boredom. When I last attended, the sexist parts just sounded different to me, like they were in a different voice and not really inspired. I was able to shake it off for once. On a good day, though, what I like about the temple is thinking about my dead ancestors and how we as humans are all connected in a shared experience. That works for me.
I think the recent example of Bro. Mattsson, a high level leader who didn’t know many things about church history, shows that there is no reason to think a temple president is going to have answers to your questions, since it doesn’t seem like there is a lot of teaching going on for leaders to explain things. I also want to add that I don’t like going to the temple either, and never have and don’t feel peace or the spirit there at all. Luckily my husband doesn’t seem to want to go either, so it’s not an issue for us and we haven’t gone in two years, except for temple sealing. I’m perfectly fine with that arrangement! I hope your husband can come to understand your view on it though. I agree with others that your relationship is of course what you need to preserve, but perhaps this issue will need to be some sort of compromise. Good luck!
Journeygirl, good point about Bro Matteson. He was “in the bubble” when in those callings and showed that he didn’t really know, and that in the order of things, wasn’t supposed to ask some questions. So how could he have answers? Temple Presidents must be similar. Hawkgrrrl makes another critical point about the temple and how much of it is tribal knowledge. Because of the sacred nature of it, people don’t talk about it, don’t want to talk about it, and are discouraged from talking about it except in holy places (and those places are hushed). It is no wonder we don’t really understand it. Generations pass and it is not questioned or discussed.
Maybe that is a good thing to just keep it at a personal level of revelation. It is what you make it, or what it means to you. I choose to see it ALL symbolic. I have enjoyed to quiet peaceful atmosphere in the temple. The doctrines aren’t as impressionable to me last I went.
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