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Hi, I’ve been lurking here for a little while after my mom encouraged me to look over the site. After my Dad left the church over a decade ago, I have spent time renegotiating how I relate to the church. In full faith, about 18 months ago I took up the honestly-getting-old-and-meaningless challenge to read the entire Book of Mormon. I took it very seriously. I journaled the entire experience. I began my daily reading with a prayer and with Moroni’s promise. As I read, I became more and more desperate to receive the witness it was true. I kept getting more desperate because as I read, I became more and more certain that the LDS church is missing the point of the BoM. By the end of my experiment, I realized that more than ever before, I am confident that the LDS church does not hold the corner on truth.
Now I’m just trying to figure out what this means for my life. What parts are true? Which are important for me and my relationship with God? What does my life look like now? I’m not angry. I’m not even very sad most days. But I’m confused, lost, and very tired. And I’m here to discover who I am without the role I was raised to.
Welcome, Daughter1. I’m glad you’re here. I look forward to hearing your voice here and seeing the perspective you bring. Like you, and so many others here, I took it all very seriously and then experienced what I sometimes refer to as The Great Disappointment. After that, what I have found is that opening our spiritual eyes allows for light to flow in, in spite of our initial thought that it all the light is gone. Everyone has a different take on what is important after experiencing a Faith Crisis. Some stay close to LDS doctrine, while at the same time accepting the Church as having an important role. Others depart. I have found my own way through all of this and I’m sure you can find your own way (which likely will be different from mine). I hope for the best for you as you redefine all this for yourself. We’re here to help and also here to learn from you.
Welcome, Daughter1! You are among friends. What a great journey you have in front of you! I am excited for you! This experience we share is “all the things.” All emotions. I wish you the best with your journey and experiences. There are lots of resources and threads on this site that will help you. I know one thing that has helped me is to separate “the church” from my spirituality. I’m still working on this, and some days it is very hard. But what I can say is that the church now is part of my spirituality for sure, but there is so much more out there to be learned and experienced. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It also does not need to happen all at once, or even quickly! Best of luck to you!
Daughter1 wrote:
Now I’m just trying to figure out what this means for my life. What parts are true? Which are important for me and my relationship with God? What does my life look like now?
It’s exciting, isn’t it!
I know that’s not the right thing to say while in the more acute phases of a transition, but that’s largely where I’ve landed. Kind of another take on this:
Daughter1 wrote:
I’m not angry. I’m not even very sad most days. But I’m confused, lost, and very tired.
I’ve had that same experience. When I get tired I’ve tried to find ways to put down the loads I’m carrying. I didn’t always give myself permission to do that, so doing that now is a learning process.
I grew up in and live in a region with rolling hills and lots and lots of trees. It’s interesting to hear missionaries from Utah that serve in my area. They grew up in flatter areas with longer vistas and they’ll often say that the trees here make them feel claustrophobic, like they are trapped. There’s no one true biome, it probably comes down to what we’re used to and what we grew up with, but I found the comparatively barren vistas in Utah where I could see things from 20 miles out to be kind of depressing. I liked the surprises around every corner that my woods afforded me.
Where am I going with this? Don’t know, doesn’t matter.
I grew up without the church. I seemed to do fine. One day I joined the church and learned that life had a purpose. Before then I didn’t even know that life needed one.
But life is a journey. With church I’ve learned things I never would have learned on my own and if all you learn is, “I don’t like that but I do like this” you’ve learned something very important.
Thank you for the warm welcome. The wishes and congratulations about the excitement of this moment really did help me see it in a new light. I guess the one other thing I really want to share right now is what I do believe. From what I have learned and what I’ve seen here, knowing your baseline “testimony” (or whatever you want to call it) helps when you’re relating to others and to new concepts or tough concepts.
1. I know God loves me. He loves each of His children.
2. The temple means a lot to me and was a very important spiritual experience.
3. There is truth within the LDS church. There is also truth within other religions.
4. God speaks to each of His children individually. And I believe that this trumps general instruction to groups.
I’m really glad I came here and I’m excited to explore life with the support of this group. Thanks everyone!
Daughter1 wrote:
Hi,I’ve been lurking here for a little while after my mom encouraged me to look over the site. After my Dad left the church over a decade ago, I have spent time renegotiating how I relate to the church. In full faith, about 18 months ago I took up the honestly-getting-old-and-meaningless challenge to read the entire Book of Mormon. I took it very seriously. I journaled the entire experience. I began my daily reading with a prayer and with Moroni’s promise. As I read, I became more and more desperate to receive the witness it was true. I kept getting more desperate because as I read, I became more and more certain that the LDS church is missing the point of the BoM. By the end of my experiment, I realized that more than ever before, I am confident that the LDS church does not hold the corner on truth.
Now I’m just trying to figure out what this means for my life. What parts are true? Which are important for me and my relationship with God? What does my life look like now? I’m not angry. I’m not even very sad most days. But I’m confused, lost, and very tired. And I’m here to discover who I am without the role I was raised to.
Welcome Daughter1. I remember the emptiness I felt when I had the similar realizations. In my case, it was realization I couldn’t commit fully to the traditional believer’s path as I had done the previous 20 years. True or not — at the time.
And then, as I made adjustments, it was like I’d eaten from the fruit of the tree of knowledge — and my eyes were opened. I saw the church much more clearly — its problems, its strengths, and my own way within in.
Post issue by issue here on StayLDS, get feedback and then draw your own conclusions. One by one…
As far as the parts that are true, you need to decide for yourself. Certain parts are easier to accept and make sense…for me, the existence of God is one truth I don’t have a problem with. The need for repentance, good living, are true parts. BoM is a good book of spiritual knowledge provided it’s not taken as a strict historical record. One needs to make sure one separates “doctrine” or “culture” or “policy” that is meant to make you a good Mormon, from the same that is out to make you a good person. Keep the good person direction and decide what you think of the other stuff.
I am happier, from a church perspective, than I ever was as a traditional believer –seriously — there is more joy ahead as you navigate your path. Once on your own clock, and accepting that you don’t have to believe everything you hear at church, and willing to sacrifice status in the local ward, it becomes much easier. Fill your life up with other things that bring you meaning — while staying in the church for its good parts. That way has given me a lot of peace, growth, freedom, and blessings…
Welcome. Looks like you got the “focus on what you do believe” part. Don’t dump the rest all at once. This is a safe place to explore and discuss your thoughts and feelings. No time to add anything substantial, but I want to welcome you to our little corner of the world. Daughter1 wrote:
Now I’m just trying to figure out what this means for my life. What parts are true? Which are important for me and my relationship with God? What does my life look like now? I’m not angry. I’m not even very sad most days. But I’m confused, lost, and very tired. And I’m here to discover who I am without the role I was raised to.
Daughter1, I recently told my 13 year old daughter that Mom and I are proud of her for the young woman that she is becoming. She is making her own way and sorting things out. She has a good head on her shoulder and we are confident in her abilities but that does not mean that she has go it alone. No matter what challenge, set-back, or soul crushing defeat she might face in life – No matter how old she becomes – She can retreat back to our love, acceptance, and support as parents. She can rest and recharge within our loving and accepting embrace until she is ready to go out and try again.
Daughter1, I know that you have good parents that offer the same to you. We are all a little confused, lost, and tired (and sometimes sad and angry too). This is normal. This is part of the human condition. Do not stay stagnant because there are gaps in what you know (and believe). Move forward with the truths that you have. Build a future that is meaningful for you. Not everything will go according to plan. Sometimes you just need a cry and a hug (sometimes a long, long cry and a long, long hug). When you are ready, go out and build some more.
Welcome to the group. I hope that we can be helpful as you move forward.
Welcome Daughter1, it is always good to have new people join the group & to read their perspective on life. Currently my belief is: this life & my existence is a school that prepares me for where I go next. It isn’t going to
be easy all the time. And it isn’t always clear what we should do or believe. I try to focus more on Jesus Christ
& leave everything else. Thanks for joining. Keep coming back.
Daughter1 wrote:
Hi,I’ve been lurking here for a little while after my mom encouraged me to look over the site. After my Dad left the church over a decade ago, I have spent time renegotiating how I relate to the church. In full faith, about 18 months ago I took up the honestly-getting-old-and-meaningless challenge to read the entire Book of Mormon. I took it very seriously. I journaled the entire experience. I began my daily reading with a prayer and with Moroni’s promise. As I read, I became more and more desperate to receive the witness it was true. I kept getting more desperate because as I read, I became more and more certain that the LDS church is missing the point of the BoM. By the end of my experiment, I realized that more than ever before, I am confident that the LDS church does not hold the corner on truth.
Now I’m just trying to figure out what this means for my life. What parts are true? Which are important for me and my relationship with God? What does my life look like now? I’m not angry. I’m not even very sad most days. But I’m confused, lost, and very tired. And I’m here to discover who I am without the role I was raised to.
It is my opinion that the Church like every other church on this planet has it’s flaws. It is not perfect. However, what my Mom always taught me is the only thing that matters is your relationship with Christ.I would try focusing on this more verses how you feel about the Church. I’m not trying to dismiss this idea, I’m just trying to drive home that is something you should not feel guilty about. Just know that there are resources for you within the church to help this. And, if those resources are doing their calling right, they will help you with your relationship with Christ.
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