- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
I have tried and tried to get out of my comfort zone. And nothing seems to stick. Nobody seems to want to talk to me, nobody seems interested in me. However I am constantly told things like “put yourself out there” and so forth. I even went out of my way to talk to people I didn’t know at the ward christmas party. Yes, I dragged myself to something I didn’t want to do because I had hope I could maybe make some friends. Well? I have been putting myself out there. I even have the bishop telling me to talk to someone because they’re lonely and don’t have many friends. Great. I’ll happily do that. But nobody seems to do that with me. Nobody fellowships with me. Heck, I have never been contacted by my ministering brothers, ever. Yet – ministering is highly encouraged in our ward. I contact my ministering brothers. However I always get the ones who are inactive or want nothing to do with the church atm because they’re focused on their lives. Understandable, so I get. It’s hard to remain active when you realize nobody seems to really give a blank about you. Maybe I just don’t have that “Mormon gene” or whatever. Maybe people detect a fraud when they see one. Not really sure. I don’t really consider myself to be a “social” person. At least you try. We didn’t go to our Christmas party this year. We do have a few friends at church that we socialize with. Personally, I tend to be on the quiet side. When I am at church,
I tend to look for people who are like me. Quiet, new in the ward, marginal (meaning not outgoing or vocal or “leadership” types).
If this sight took a poll, most of us would probably fit within these categories.
Personally, I don’t hesitate to introduce myself. Maybe it’s because of my age. On the other hand, my wife has always been more
socially outgoing than I am.
When the church doesn’t give me what I need or want, then I try something else.
It doesn’t mean to have your name removed from the rolls or go inactive. Just try something else.
If you want some suggestions, just ask.
Maybe doing something outside the church will give you the ROI you’re looking for.
Minyan Man wrote:
I don’t really consider myself to be a “social” person. At least you try. We didn’t go to our Christmas party this year.We do have a few friends at church that we socialize with. Personally, I tend to be on the quiet side. When I am at church,
I tend to look for people who are like me. Quiet, new in the ward, marginal (meaning not outgoing or vocal or “leadership” types).
If this sight took a poll, most of us would probably fit within these categories.
Personally, I don’t hesitate to introduce myself. Maybe it’s because of my age. On the other hand, my wife has always been more
socially outgoing than I am.
When the church doesn’t give me what I need or want, then I try something else.
It doesn’t mean to have your name removed from the rolls or go inactive. Just try something else.
If you want some suggestions, just ask.
Maybe doing something outside the church will give you the ROI you’re looking for.
It’s just frustrating. Feels like members like me get put on the back burner in favor of the newer and fresher faces with the sob stories. Like I get it, a lot of us have had trouble growing up in the church. But why is it other members seem to get precendent. No one bothers to set me up with someone either. Meanwhile the bishop actively does this with seemingly everyone else. Seems people see someone like me and think “Oh, he’s been a member his entire life so he doesn’t need help or fellowshipping he’s just fine.” When that is so far from the truth. I remember my Mom telling me how amazed she is that I am still active despite how awful the church has been to me over the years. It almost made me feel stupid, like I’m letting the church walk all over me.
And I have been trying to my get myself out there more. But seems nobody notices me. I’m not unique, I don’t have a sexy job – heck I’m not even that attractive. And yes, I am working on my physical apperance by working out more too. But seems there’s only so much I can do. Where’s my big break? When do I become someone’s project?
And I don’t mean to come off as crass. However this has been one of my longstanding frustrations with the church.
Speaking broadly, men tend to have difficulty making friends. Men tend to have an easier time making activity based friends. This for me means that I have friends where we share a hobby in common. I consider them my friends but we don’t talk much about life outside of the shared hobby/interest. The advantage of joining a hobby group to make friends is that the period before making friends doesn’t feel like drudgery because you are doing a hobby that you genuinely enjoy.
There are also plenty of volunteer organizations or fraternal organizations that seem pretty desperate for volunteers/members.
It is true that these can be similar to “work” friends that you do not stay in contact with after one of you move on from the workplace. However, in my experience, this can be a starting place for deeper friendships to develop.
This is what it means to me to “put yourself out there.” It means to be active and involved and looking for groups and activities, even though it can create anxiety and be awkward.
Church can be similar. I have definitely had “church” friends. In fact, for me the best friends that I have ever had at church have been ones that I worked side by side with in a demanding church calling. At the time, we were both heavily invested in pushing forward the church mission and our friendship grew from that.
In my current state, this would not be an effective way for me to make friends. It would have terrible ROI.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.