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Just wondering where you think you will be with the Church when your kids are gone, and out of the house, and perhaps in a distant city…so there is no child pressure to attend Church anymore. Would you keep going? Why? And if you have already hit that milestone, what impact did it have on your desire to attend Church, your spirituality, or your relationship with the Church? Right now, I’m staying open and honest with my kids. They know I struggle to attend church and they know some reasons why, but not all obviously. I don’t expect it to be much different when they are gone. It will either be something that enriches my life and I will keep going, or it will be something replaced by things that enrich my life more.
I don’t feel pressure from my kids to attend, I feel pressure on myself to teach them correct principles by example and word.
In the car on the way home today, my 12 year old son asked me if we could go to church on Sunday, and he wants to go to the activity with the youth next week. I told him I’d love to go with him, and told him I’m proud he tells me when he wants to go, and that I don’t have to force him to go. It is his choice and I support him. I don’t feel I have to go this Sunday with my son, I’m glad I get to go with him.
I can’t bring myself to be open and honest with my kids. It would kill any hope of valuing some kind of Church experience in my son. My daughter initiates testimony bearing and believes the scriptures. She loves being a Mormon and going to the temple. No way am I going to plant doubt in her mind. The other day we were talking and I said something a bit neutral about the Church — not positive, not negative. She said “Why” and I replied that some of the cultural aspects of the Church bother me. She looked disappointed and kind of shrugged as if to say she didn’t like what she was hearing. There is no way I would want to plant doubt in her mind and leave her with nothing better. So, the beat goes on. That boring, lulling beat I’ve been listening to for the last 27 years…
After we throw the HUGE party we are planning ( 😆 :clap: – but seriously, as well), my activity probably won’t change at all. I hope my wife and I can serve a mission together, and I don’t really care what kind it is. It’s something she always has wanted to do, and she waited for me while I served as a young missionary, so I feel like I owe it to her.I don’t think that surprised anyone here.
🙂 SilentDawning wrote:The other day we were talking and I said something a bit neutral about the Church — not positive, not negative. She said “Why” and I replied that some of the cultural aspects of the Church bother me. She looked disappointed and kind of shrugged as if to say she didn’t like what she was hearing.
I have had similar experiences within my family. But at other times I have found ways to frame what I am trying to express within a gospel context so they are better able to grasp the heart of my point. I have heard similar comments in church – that the culture is not the gospel and many traditional ideas are not doctrine. I think its healthy to discuss these things in faithful settings.
Orson wrote:I think its healthy to discuss these things in faithful settings.
I agree, Orson.
Lately, I’ve tried to keep a balanced approach, and help my kids see that. Perhaps there is a teaching or something that I don’t agree with that I hear taught at church and I can tell my kids I think differently about it AND I also am grateful for the church and feel the spirit at times and agree with most everything else.
The balanced approach is the “AND” followed by honestly recognizing the positive things. Because I have learned it is not all black or all white, it is not all good or all bad, it is not all right or all wrong. It is good AND bad, and I hope to teach my kids to feel more comfortable with that, because someday I think they’ll need to use that perspective.
I hope one day after the kids are gone, that I stay close enough to them to talk openly as adults about these things, and my views won’t come as a surprise to them, even if specifics are newly shared based on their ability to hear them from me. If they don’t want specifics, I’ll keep them to myself, but hope to show them I can be an independent thinker, and be at peace with the church about it.
My kids know I don’t agree with everything that is said at church – and my wife jokes with me whenever she hears something she knows will bother me, but they all know I love the Church and the members and distinguish between stuff with which I don’t agree and the Gospel and “pure Mormonism”. We have a very healthy relationship, and much of that is because they know I am open with them. I am willing to talk about almost anything with them, so they feel comfortable talking about almost anything with me. I am careful to approach things in a constructive way, but I am open.
I think that is responsible, Ray, because you are the adult, the parent…first and foremost before you’re their buddy. I’m the only one that still attends anyway. I go 50% – 75% of the time. So I guess no change is planned at the moment. Old-Timer wrote:My kids know I don’t agree with everything that is said at church – and my wife jokes with me whenever she hears something she knows will bother me, but they all know I love the Church and the members and distinguish between stuff with which I don’t agree and the Gospel and “pure Mormonism”.
We have a very healthy relationship, and much of that is because they know I am open with them. I am willing to talk about almost anything with them, so they feel comfortable talking about almost anything with me. I am careful to approach things in a constructive way, but I am open.
I hope to put this same plan into practice with my children. There was a time several months ago that I wanted to sit down with my older children and share all this stuff I had learned about. Thankfully my wise wife curbed this and I have come to recognize that as long as I am open with them, opportunity to share how I feel can come out gradually. It is not my job to shock my children. I want to cultivate an environment of openness, careful study of the scriptures, critical thinking, prayer and recognizing the influence of the Spirit.As for when the kids are all gone, I expect I will attend every Sunday as I have been.
Quote:I have come to recognize that as long as I am open with them, opportunity to share how I feel can come out gradually.
Good approach! I think if you have that good relationship with communication, things come out at the right time and right dosage to inoculate them well.
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