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Roy wrote:
Does anyone have any suggestions as to what has worked for you to help “be at peace and happy when everything is crumbling around you?” I’m afraid I don’t know where to begin.
I have almost the same opinion and experience as GBSmith. I’ve fallen on my face enough times that I finally came to the conclusion it is better not to depend on God to fix stuff in my life. If I want something, I pretty much need to make it happen or nobody else is really going to do it for me. It just doesn’t seem like God is in the business of orchestrating a happy life for everyone on the planet. In the words of the Buddha: Life is Dukkha (suffering, dissatisfaction).
I am more than happy to be thankful when I seem to get a break, and even think of it as a blessing from God, but… I’m not holding my breath anymore on the edge of any cliffs waiting for God to fix stuff because He likes me.
SilentDawning wrote:Quote:A light bulb went off in me and I realized I was like those early Jews waiting for God to save me from all my problems. Suddenly I realized I had been living the gospel for the wrong reasons. All God wanted me to be concerned about was overcoming my sins.
I have nothing to say other than I think this is brilliant logic….
Thank you Silent Dawing! It was straight from God and that is why it is brilliant logic. The question I have though is why did God have to send me to this other church to find the answer? Only hearing about all the blessings from the pulpit instead of the right reasons for doing things can lead one to disilluionment and loose faith. When I came back to the church after that and gave a talk in Sacrament meeting I shared this message which helped alot of people.
bridget_night wrote:SilentDawning wrote:Quote:A light bulb went off in me and I realized I was like those early Jews waiting for God to save me from all my problems. Suddenly I realized I had been living the gospel for the wrong reasons. All God wanted me to be concerned about was overcoming my sins.
I have nothing to say other than I think this is brilliant logic….
Thank you Silent Dawing! It was straight from God and that is why it is brilliant logic. The question I have though is why did God have to send me to this other church to find the answer?
I don’t think anyone has a definitive answer to this question…but I have my own. I’m starting to believe that God recognizes the diversity in his children, and therefore, quietly supports many different churches to the extent they do good. It provides a way for everyone to get exposure to mostly good values and to improve the world we live in.
Some will thrive in the LDS Church, some in a 7th Day Adventist, others in the Baptist…for me, I was exposed to God through some very important and highly spiritual meetings with a minister in a mainstream Church when I was 15. The power of the Spirit was overwhelming and filled me with joy. I knew nothing about the LDS Church at the time, and this minister was the only point of godly influence in my life, so the Lord used it…if the answer you’re seeking wasn’t available in the LDS Church, then perhaps he pointed you to a place where you COULD get an answer.
Truth is everywhere….
SilentDawning wrote:I don’t think anyone has a definitive answer to this question…but I have my own. I’m starting to believe that God recognizes the diversity in his children, and therefore, quietly supports many different churches to the extent they do good. It provides a way for everyone to get exposure to mostly good values and to improve the world we live in.
Some will thrive in the LDS Church, some in a 7th Day Adventist, others in the Baptist…for me, I was exposed to God through some very important and highly spiritual meetings with a minister in a mainstream Church when I was 15. The power of the Spirit was overwhelming and filled me with joy. I knew nothing about the LDS Church at the time, and this minister was the only point of godly influence in my life, so the Lord used it…if the answer you’re seeking wasn’t available in the LDS Church, then perhaps he pointed you to a place where you COULD get an answer.
Truth is everywhere….
You are so right Silent Dawning. I used to think the lds church and its members had all the truth and were the most spiritual of all people. After all, “We are told we are the only ones with the constant companion of the Holy Ghost.” I have been involved in 3 different churches here in Florida now -Nazerene, Non-demoninational Christian, and Christ Community Church. All three have wonderful spirit-filled qualities and people. The Nazerene Church demenostrates the most down to earth type of love that is very powerful. But, I feel and see the Holy Spirit so strong in these people. There are also wonderful people in the lds church of course, its just that it seems so much more like a business now and often have lost the spirit.
bridget_night wrote:SilentDawning wrote:I don’t think anyone has a definitive answer to this question…but I have my own. I’m starting to believe that God recognizes the diversity in his children, and therefore, quietly supports many different churches to the extent they do good. It provides a way for everyone to get exposure to mostly good values and to improve the world we live in.
Some will thrive in the LDS Church, some in a 7th Day Adventist, others in the Baptist…for me, I was exposed to God through some very important and highly spiritual meetings with a minister in a mainstream Church when I was 15. The power of the Spirit was overwhelming and filled me with joy. I knew nothing about the LDS Church at the time, and this minister was the only point of godly influence in my life, so the Lord used it…if the answer you’re seeking wasn’t available in the LDS Church, then perhaps he pointed you to a place where you COULD get an answer.
Truth is everywhere….
You are so right Silent Dawning. I used to think the lds church and its members had all the truth and were the most spiritual of all people. After all, “We are told we are the only ones with the constant companion of the Holy Ghost.” I have been involved in 3 different churches here in Florida now -Nazerene, Non-demoninational Christian, and Christ Community Church. All three have wonderful spirit-filled qualities and people. The Nazerene Church demenostrates the most down to earth type of love that is very powerful. But, I feel and see the Holy Spirit so strong in these people. There are also wonderful people in the lds church of course, its just that it seems so much more like a business now and often have lost the spirit.
What I’m about to say may sound ridiculous, but it’s true. I accompanied someone to a Weight Watchers meeting last night. In it, people were celebrating the ways other people had supported them in their spiritual and physical challenge to loose weight.
I had tears streaming down my face due to the outpouring of the Spirit these people brought into the room, and I learned more about the how’s of self-discipline than in any other context.
Truth, is everywhere….and so are good people.
Bridget- Your experience was very profound for me. In reference to the Robert Bly quote from your introduction: “It says that where a man’s wound is, that is where his genius will be. Wherever the wound appears in our psyches….that is precisely the place from which we will give our major gift to the community.” I would like to add that not all wounds develop into gifts, some fester.
In learning something of your own “Hero’s Journey,” I am impressed at what a harrowingly beautiful path you have walked. I truly admire the person you are and how you have used your gift to help others.
bridget_night wrote:“A light bulb went off in me and I realized I was like those early Jews waiting for God to save me from all my problems. Suddenly I realized I had been living the gospel for the wrong reasons. All God wanted me to be concerned about was overcoming my sins.”
When I read your post and came to the end where it said “overcoming my sins,” it was like there was an echo. Perhaps as Brian said:
Brian Johnston wrote:“It just doesn’t seem like God is in the business of orchestrating a happy life for everyone on the planet.”
But maybe God is still in the business of healing battered and broken souls.
Bridget, on your introduction you used slightly different wording for the last sentence. You wrote- “I knew immediately that the only thing I should be concerned about is being saved from my sins and that is why Jesus died for me.”
This leads me to the following question: What forms of approaching “overcoming sins”/”Being saved from sins?” have been helpful for the participants here?
Thanks for your comments Roy. It is interesting our journeys and where God leads us. In answer to your question. I have found that as I study Christ and get to know him, I become aware of things I need to change in my life. Sometimes he sends me people who mirror back to me what I am doing wrong. This is actually one of the good functions of this group. We get perspective and insights on where we might be mis-judging or going wrong. Many times we are to emotionally involved and can’t see any other perspective but our own. Then Ray, or Heber or someone else on this group points things out that make me more forgiving or tolerant than I would be otherwise. This is a good place that I know was a godsend for me. So, keep posting!! Quote:Does anyone have any suggestions as to what has worked for you to help “be at peace and happy when everything is crumbling around you?” I’m afraid I don’t know where to begin.
I’m not a master at this, but I’ve made progress at it. Here are the sources of my learning and inspiration.
I have a nervous system problem that doctor’s are unable to diagnose, and they say “keep working with us on it as your symptoms develop” or “We will have to wait until it localizes to determine what it is” implying that there is some kind of degenerative disorder on the horizong. Research of my own shows that symptoms are like the presenting symptons of Multiple Sclerosis or Lou Gehrigs disease. I have also have a son with a medical condition that could lead to brain damage and other debilitating conditions.
What I do, to cope while everything is falling part, is to compartmentalize. If the problem is one that is developing, I don’t let it ruin my day. I say “the problem isn’t affecting me today, so I’m going to go and enjoy activity X for a while”. I tell myself that constantly to the point I can get through a whole week without worrying. If it’s a problem that has loomed, learn to put it off until you can think about it and solve it. I have a problem right now and am able to work at my current tasks until I can think about it next, which will be on Monday.
Regarding crises that have hit me and are definitely realized — I’ve learned to go into problem solving mode.
Finally, with things you can’t control. Recognize that you can’t control the circumstance. Don’t beat yourself up over what happened (I’m terrible for that). Adopt an external locus of control. I like to reflect on a family whose son was born with cerebral palsy and is essentially a vegetable. It’s a huge burden on their life. It wasn’t their fault, so the things that happen to me are often not my fault either.
Let me begin by saying how glad I am to have found such a welcome community. Last Sunday over the pulpit in my ward was read a letter urging members not to write to church headquarters. The statement said all letters from membership would be returned to your stake president. I’m glad I resisted the urge to write just such a letter regarding the policy of sealings for stillborn children. I’m not sure what good it would do to make an issue with my S.P. and judging from some of the experiences had by participants here it could actually do some harm.
I see hardship in the lives of others, some happening in the lives of people who seem to be so much saintlier than I. I find it unhelpful to mentally compare hardships in that it can sometimes lead to minimizing the adversity of others. How can I know how an event is impacting the personal journey of another? Perhaps a bad brake-up really does seem like the end of the world for a young teenager. I guess, I seek to share perspective without minimizing their perspective. I know there are many with varying degrees of adversity here and I very much admire the predominantly positive approaches that you have put forward.
Over the last year since Emory died I have endeavoured to rebuild my assumptive world. My current framework is not more correct than anyone else’s but it is mine and it allows me to reclaim some of the structure that I need.
My current view is that most of the particulars in this life are left to chance. God restrains himself (for the most part) from pre-determining, interference, intervention, or altering events as they would otherwise occur in the natural order of things and heavily influenced by random chance. Perhaps as in the “Good News according to Tom,” the randomness and unchartedness of a stint in this world is a necessary part of glorifying heaven. (I hope I’m not putting words in your mouth Tom)
Similar to what Silent Dawning has said, “I believe God often stands back and lets people goof up, tragedies happen etcetera because its the best outcome eventually when you consider variables like free agency, permanent learning and character change, as well as my belief in fairness and a making right of wrongs in the next life… Now, do I know this for sure? Nope, but I’m comfortable with that belief.”
The physical world is ordered and chaotic all at once. It is beautiful, but not obviously meaningful- there is a mystery about it.
The God I’m coming to know is a God of Understanding, commiseration, love, and ultimately hope and inspiration. From a God who alters reality to a God who is a good listener and plants the seeds of inspiration in my soul. Much like my dear earthly parents, He gives me a metaphorical refuge where I can retreat and regroup at times before foraging out into the unknown.
Like in the quote Brian had shared, “There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there’s a seamlessness in you, and where there is a confidence and tranquillity in you, and I think the intention of prayer and spirituality and love is now and again to visit that inner kind of sanctuary.”
-Poet & Philosopher John O’Donohue, Interview with Krista Tippett on Speaking of Faith, “Inner Landscape of Beauty” Feb 8, 2008
My relationship with God is about accessing that place. He is with me always in that His love and concern for me is constant. (This is in contrast to my previous understanding wherein constant companionship was akin to a protective shield, a divine spidey-sense, or a good luck charm)
My life, like the physical world, is ordered and chaotic, beautiful- but not obviously meaningful.
In pondering life’s meaning, I think of Emory. What is the meaning of a life lived inside the womb. I like to think that she was comfortable, warm, and surrounded with love. I don’t believe she felt increasingly unwell as all her tests never picked up any signs of distress. I believe that whatever took her was sudden and unexpected. Was it the constricted chest of an acute coronary? Was it somehow akin to gasping for breath, or was it peaceful like falling asleep? Did she fulfil the measure of her creation? Was the measure of her creation self contained to her brief mortal sojourn or does it continue in how her life impacted others? What part might I play in its fulfillment?
I continue to feel after meaning, stepping at times into the dark. As I move forward collecting meaning, I am intrigued at the different meanings that others have. Life truly is a techni-colored rainbow. Not all meaning is right for me. Perhaps not all meaning resonates with my unique soul and satiates my core. I feel after the meaning that speaks to me and I find bits and pieces amongst the others. Because of this, my meaning is always somewhat in a state of flux, growing and changing as I collect pieces of the rainbow and internalize it. At times old meanings no longer provide what they once did. Sometimes they can be retooled or retrofit to serve differently, sometimes not.
I believe right now I find my meaning in the quest for meaning. Is this a paradox
:SilentDawning wrote:I believe God often stands back and lets people goof up, tragedies happen etcetera because its the best outcome eventually when you consider variables like free agency, permanent learning and character change, as well as my belief in fairness and a making right of wrongs in the next life… Now, do I know this for sure? Nope, but I’m comfortable with that belief.
I think so too.
Roy wrote:I continue to feel after meaning, stepping at times into the dark. As I move forward collecting meaning, I am intrigued at the different meanings that others have. Life truly is a techni-colored rainbow. Not all meaning is right for me. Perhaps not all meaning resonates with my unique soul and satiates my core. I feel after the meaning that speaks to me and I find bits and pieces amongst the others. Because of this, my meaning is always somewhat in a state of flux, growing and changing as I collect pieces of the rainbow and internalize it. At times old meanings no longer provide what they once did. Sometimes they can be retooled or retrofit to serve differently, sometimes not.
Well said.
That is the realization I came to, which the image in my avatar represented for me in my journey.
Thanks for saying it so well, Roy.
Roy, thank you for your story. I read it for the first time today. Our thoughts or reactions are very similar. I especially recognize the following:
Quote:Good husband/father protects family, but I cannot protect my family
Righteousness = God’s favor = Blessings
The righteous will enjoy God’s favor as manifested by his blessings. I failed to secure divine protection for my family.
Am I not righteous enough? Was I missing something? Does God not favor me? Does God Favor the righteous? Does God favor faithful members of the church? Are greater tangible blessings an indicator of greater divine favor? Does God bless those he favors? Does God withhold blessings from those he does not favor?
After my experience with my daughter, I felt so guilty that I wasn’t available to protect my daughter.
Over the years, as I’ve tried to come to terms with my experiences, I would run through my mind the lessons the Missionaries taught before my baptism regarding the pre-existence. I’m convinced that we were very eager to come to earth & experience this life. I believe that we were told that there were going to be problems & challenges to endure. We probably didn’t know the specifics because we didn’t have a point of reference. Never the less, we were very eager to come. I have no scriptural reference only a “gut” feel. Why would I have this particular thought over the years?
I am convinced that we will have all the answers in the next life. Whatever that brings. (Another “gut” feel.)
This has been a good week.
I think I’ll go the church Sunday with a different attitude.
Thank you.
Mike from Milton
Roy wrote:In pondering life’s meaning, I think of Emory. What is the meaning of a life lived inside the womb. I like to think that she was comfortable, warm, and surrounded with love. I don’t believe she felt increasingly unwell as all her tests never picked up any signs of distress. I believe that whatever took her was sudden and unexpected. Was it the constricted chest of an acute coronary? Was it somehow akin to gasping for breath, or was it peaceful like falling asleep? Did she fulfil the measure of her creation? Was the measure of her creation self contained to her brief mortal sojourn or does it continue in how her life impacted others? What part might I play in its fulfillment?
My sister is a doctor and has delivered many babies. She tells me that children that die before delivery are experiencing his merciful way of stopping the process when something is not developing properly. She sees it as a merciful process. I don’t know if that is offensive or comforting, but that comment stuck with me for years.
Also, Roy, you’ve been here for about a year. I’d love to hear where you’re at in your journey. What new world assumptions have you adopted in the last year? How have you progressed in your coping? How do you feel now about what happened to your faith as a result of your assumptive world collapse?
SilentDawning wrote:Also, Roy, you’ve been here for about a year. I’d love to hear where you’re at in your journey. What new world assumptions have you adopted in the last year? How have you progressed in your coping? How do you feel now about what happened to your faith as a result of your assumptive world collapse?
I welcome the opportunity to review and describe my journey…this may take some time, but I look forward to putting it together.
SilentDawning wrote:Also, Roy, you’ve been here for about a year. I’d love to hear where you’re at in your journey. What new world assumptions have you adopted in the last year? How have you progressed in your coping? How do you feel now about what happened to your faith as a result of your assumptive world collapse?
I have given much thought to my current state of assumptive reality reconstruction. I hope that this road map of sorts can be helpful for Mike in Milton or others that struggle with similar feelings. Although I feel that this assumptive reality has brought me internal peace, it has both advantages and disadvantages and it may not be a great fit for anyone else. I would also like to include a link to a newspaper article Mike had sent me. It details the experience of a couple who lost their baby shortly after birth. They frame their lives through a Catholic lens and similarly had trouble reconciling their personal tragedy. For all those whose lives have been tinged with tragedy and sorrow, your loss and your experience is unique – but you are not alone.
Roy wrote:Good husband/father protects family, but I cannot protect my family
Righteousness = God’s favor = Blessings
The righteous will enjoy God’s favor as manifested by his blessings. I failed to secure divine protection for my family.
Am I not righteous enough? Was I missing something? Does God not favor me? Does God Favor the righteous? Does God favor faithful members of the church? Are greater tangible blessings an indicator of greater divine favor? Does God bless those he favors? Does God withhold blessings from those he does not favor?
This was at the heart of my crisis. This was what caused me such anguish. In rebuilding I have started with some foundational assumptions (El Cid likens them to bricks). In reviewing how I arrived at these assumptions, I believe that it is a combination between what assumptions I was exposed to during that reformative year (before finding StayLDS) and also what resonated with me personally. For example, I was aware of the JS teaching that children that die as children were too virtuous to be exposed too long to this fallen world. I was exposed to this teaching, it just seemed hollow to me (I am unsure why I resonate with some “theories” and not others).
SilentDawning wrote:She tells me that children that die before delivery are experiencing his merciful way of stopping the process when something is not developing properly. She sees it as a merciful process.
This is another completely viable perspective that I do not think that I had fully considered previously. I do not think that I was exposed to it sufficiently during that reformative year for it to become a dominant assumption.
Mike wrote:After my experience with my daughter, I felt so guilty that I wasn’t available to protect my daughter.
Over the years, as I’ve tried to come to terms with my experiences, I would run through my mind the lessons the Missionaries taught before my baptism regarding the pre-existence. I’m convinced that we were very eager to come to earth & experience this life. I believe that we were told that there were going to be problems & challenges to endure. We probably didn’t know the specifics because we didn’t have a point of reference. Never the less, we were very eager to come.
I quite like this idea Mike. I feel that my daughter, Emory, will not feel “bummed” or deprived for the lack of diversity in her mortal experiences. I feel that she will experience and grow, laugh and learn through some other medium.
Q. Does God not favor me?A. God loves me.
This is foundational and the assumption that required the biggest leap of faith. I have no proof or empirical evidence to defend this claim. I was exposed to this idea from a number of different sources and it resonated deeply.
Quote:I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
“More” by Mathew West
So search your heart, you’ll find me there
I’ve heard your anguish, and every prayer
My love for you, will never end-
You’re still my servant, still my friend
“Still My Servant, Still My Friend” By Brett Raymond
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said “I know you’ve murdered
And I know you’ve lied
And I’ve watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen I’ll, I’ll tell you that I…”
I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love, the love that you never knew
“What love really means” By JJ Heller
These songs are examples of sources that resonated powerfully for me regarding this foundational assumption.
In my prayer journey, I have wrestled before my God. Like in the quote Brian had shared, “There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there’s a seamlessness in you, and where there is a confidence and tranquillity in you, and I think the intention of prayer and spirituality and love is now and again to visit that inner kind of sanctuary.”During these trips to this inner sanctuary, this inner temple, I have had this notion confirmed to me to a degree that I have no doubt – My Heavenly Father Loves Me.
Proceeding from this starting point gets somewhat easier. The next steps become intuitive leaps that would at least plausibly flow from the base.
Q. Does God favor the righteous? Does God favor faithful members of the church?A. No – God loves (or favors) all his children equally. God’s love for me is unconditional!
Q. Are greater tangible blessings an indicator of greater divine favor? Does God bless those he favors? Does God withhold blessings from those he does not favor?A. Tangible, earth-life, fortune or misfortune is completely independent of God’s love.
My current view is that most of the particulars in this life are left to chance. God restrains himself (except when absolutely necessary to carry the “plan” forward) from pre-determining, interference, intervention, or altering events as they would otherwise occur in the natural order of things and heavily influenced by random chance. Perhaps as in the “Good News according to Tom,” the randomness and unchartedness of a stint in this world is a necessary part of glorifying heaven. (I hope I’m not putting words in your mouth Tom)
Similar to what Silent Dawning has said, “I believe God often stands back and lets people goof up, tragedies happen etcetera because it’s the best outcome eventually when you consider variables like free agency, permanent learning and character change, etc.” If God stepped in with any degree of regularity, then the balance and conflict of the “opposition in all things” experience might be disrupted.
Q. What about Heaven or the Celestial Kingdom?A. I’m not sure, but it doesn’t bother me. I am content to live my life the best that I am able and leave the rest in God’s hands. I believe that He will use His wisdom and mercy to allow me to pursue whatever happiness might be possible for me.
Quote:“In the end each person will “acknowledge that his judgments are just”, as it says in the scriptures. This means that whatever happens to the child you lost, you’ll think it’s fair.”
Whatever happens to me or my loved ones, I will be content. I cannot be banished so far away from His presence that I am not still a son in the Divine Family. I will always have access to my inner sanctuary where I am carried in the arms of His love. I cannot believe that He would sever His relationship with me or terminate His mystical connection to me.This framework also gives me peace concerning previously troubling questions…
Q. Will my daughter be penalized or deprived for missing out on most earthly experiences?A. I believe that she will have different experiences (perhaps in the millennium, perhaps in the spirit world, perhaps through some other medium we don’t quite understand), but that overall she will be content with her journey. Emory’s premature death does not indicate divine favour or divine wrath. God’s love for her remains constant, just as His love for me remains constant.
I am at peace with this. I feel like my internal framework is internally consistent and not “divided against itself.” This lack of internal tension combined with a generous permission to love and forgive myself is how I would analyse my current “peace.”
Where I continue to have problems is that several of these assumptions seem to conflict with assumptions that underlie Mormon theology as I understand it. For a time I was feeling that my new perspective might be incompatible with LDS teachings. Then I discovered StayLDS.
StayLDS has helped me in the following ways:
1) To feel more comfortable in my new skin. StayLDS has functioned as a sounding board where I can bounce my perspective off of others in a non-threatening LDS environment. If my crisis catalyst could be viewed as an earthquake, then this function would be akin to earthquake drills – to reveal what isn’t working and to refine what is.
2) To build bridges between my path and the LDS path. Alternate interpretations and perspectives allow me to tether my personal path to the community. Sometimes as I move through the buffet line, I might find a dish much more to my liking after adding ketchup or a dash of pepper. If the party line were either all true or all false, I may be forced to reject it completely for the sake of being “true” to myself and thus miss out on some really good and filling meals.
One day I came home from church crestfallen. The lesson was on the three degrees of glory and it just seemed to run counter to my feelings. If God loves all of us equally, what is the determinant for who goes where? How can we be categorized into different value assignments? At the time M&G gave me an alternate perspective that helped me to continue in my efforts to harmonize the two paths-
“In her approach everyone but the sons of perdition eventually pass from one degree of glory to another using the time and experience in each degree as preparation to pass onto the next. She provided a fair amount of quotes in support of this perspective. They can be found under the thread “Love Wins!” under General Discussion. (I recommend it) One progresses from glory to glory as they develop increasing abilities of love and forgiveness (the core of divine expression).This for me embodies the joy of God working with us to fulfil our potential – if it takes 500 years or 5000! He extends his saving grace to all, not to force one into submission, but rather to continue to strive with us for as long as it takes. In this example it is the loving capacity of God and not degree of effort expended that eventually make the difference as long as there is not a flat out and fully informed rejection of God.
This possibility allowed me to surmount a seemingly insurmountable contradiction and move forward.
3) To provide support, understanding, and validation for some of my difficulties being a non-traditional believer actively participating in the LDS church. Sometimes it can be a lonely road; a kind word that my journey is legitimate and valued can go a long way.
A current example of how my assumptive reality interacts with LDS life is the story that TSM shared in conference about the HG prompting him (at an earlier area conference many years ago) that a specific person was supposed to address the congregation (at that earlier conference) and the somewhat miraculous way in which that person was made available. My wife was relaying the story to me and I asked her, “and …what did this person have to say?” She said the congregation was blessed to hear his testimony.
If I am to remain internally consistent, it is difficult for me to take this story at face value. If God restrains himself from averting major disasters, why would he intervene to alter the list and order of speakers at an area conference? It is in my self interest to interpret this story as interpretation, perspective, exaggeration, or even faith promoting falsehood. To do otherwise would tear at the foundation of my mental framework, reopen old wounds, and leave open the possibility that I had failed my daughter by not being righteous enough to secure God’s blessing.
Because things like this may be comforting and faith-promoting to others but not to me, I develop my filter or lens to interpret and add context to things that I may experience in my church life. A simple example of how this filter might work is to replace “I know the church is true/perfect” with “I really like the church and it has contributed so much to my life” so that I may enjoy the testimony experience without getting too hung up on the declarations.
Though I am careful to remain positive in my comments at church, I am not trying to “pass” as a more traditionally believing member and I’m sure that I am regarded with suspicion by some.
This journey of mine has been hard on DW. She tends to frame my path in the context of “losing the spirit” and “taking the easy way out.” She worries about what we will teach our kids and what the eternal fate of our temple marriage will be. So the remaining tension at this point is primarily working out the harmony of our two different approaches.
I think that is it in a nutshell. I have attained a measure of peace, but my journey is not yet complete. There is much life to be lived. I am confident that my Heavenly Father will be with me as I move forward with love.
Roy wrote:A current example of how my assumptive reality interacts with LDS life is the story that TSM shared in conference about the HG prompting him … If I am to remain internally consistent, it is difficult for me to take this story at face value.
Because things like this may be comforting and faith-promoting to others but not to me, I develop my filter or lens to interpret and add context to things that I may experience in my church life.
Thanks for sharing that. I had similar thoughts/feelings throughout conference. Even though I flatter myself that I have a new and improved way of seeing the world, I still stumble regularly when faced with these kinds of things, almost exclusively at church, that contradict, and, I suppose, threaten, my new ways of seeing things. Declaring a truce can be difficult.
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