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https://bycommonconsent.com/2018/06/11/when-part-of-you-has-left-the-church-and-you-find-yourself-still-here/ ” class=”bbcode_url”> https://bycommonconsent.com/2018/06/11/when-part-of-you-has-left-the-church-and-you-find-yourself-still-here/ This^
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: Beautiful. Thank you for posting it.
Quote:girl wearing pants and Birkenstocks at the back of the room raised her hand and talked about how important it is to recognize that most people don’t leave the church on a casual whim. She talked about how, (and it seemed from personal experience) leaving the church is like a really difficult break up, how it isn’t just not going to church on Sunday anymore
It really depends on your level of investment. I actually think most people do leave on a casual whim… because most of the people who become inactive are short term members, often without callings and family in the church.
For someone raised in the church it is not a casual whim. Married to another member it isn’t. Or who holds a major calling. For these people, leaving church is not pleasant.
For the former group, it’s easy. Plenty of newbies leave, become inactive or even remove their names. They just don’t have the investment. In many cases, they may have no friends in the church.
This comment caught my attention: I always get squirmy when people talk about “choosing to believe,” or some other willed, conscious process as the explanation for why they are still in the Church while others are gone. We should collectively stop making that attribution error.
I also strongly suspect that almost everyone in the pews leaves in one way or another at some point in their lives, and returns on different terms. We are all prodigals, sooner or later. Even if we stay, like the eldest son in the parable, and miss the Father’s abundance because of a narrow focus on our own righteousness… which makes us prodigal, too.
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DancingCarrot wrote:
This comment caught my attention:I always get squirmy when people talk about “choosing to believe,” or some other willed, conscious process as the explanation for why they are still in the Church while others are gone. We should collectively stop making that attribution error.
I also strongly suspect that almost everyone in the pews leaves in one way or another at some point in their lives, and returns on different terms. We are all prodigals, sooner or later. Even if we stay, like the eldest son in the parable, and miss the Father’s abundance because of a narrow focus on our own righteousness… which makes us prodigal, too.
This makes sense to me.
I was the obedient, self-righteous oldest child from the ages of 10-25. Then I spent the next 10 years relating to both brothers. Now, I use the younger brother’s “he came into himself” statement to describe how learning more about how I see the world has contributed to how I have changed as person (part faith-transition). He couldn’t go back to seeing living with pigs as 1 step above a slave as an option anymore, so he left. I can’t go back to see things the way I used to see them, so I choose to move forward to the best of my ability and forge a new path.
Excellent thoughts. I think Sambee brings up an important element… different people are invested to various extents.
But the common threads across various situations are that many people leave, and they do so with eyes wide open, not lost sinful weaklings.
And there are many in our congregations that are internally processing a lot…more than we realize.
We are not so alone with our doubts and frustrations as we often think we are by the outside reflections that make us believe others have it all figured out, or that all TBMs are close minded (although some clearly are).
We can keep pushing for these things in our Ward…that there is room for all kinds of morning…come as you are…or love them as they are if they choose not to come. It matters not.
What matters is we stop talking about others who are different as needing to be saved by conformity. And start talking about ministering to those who are begging for help.
I take every opportunity in my ward to be a voice of inclusion and acceptance so others hear it at church, and don’t just assume I’m part of the close minded group.
When part of me left the church…I find part of me can re engage in new ways and stay. I’m not all out. I’m there.
Investment is a big thing for me. None of the Bee family (not my real name) are church members apart from me, I have no wife or children etc. So I could break away easily in that sense and did once.
But… many of my best friends are in the church, and my social life has become intertwined with it. So if I left, then I would lose some of them, and that would hurt. I would be lonely and end up among my remaining friends who do little but drink and fall out with me more often. I prefer my church friends to be honest. They are kinder to me.
I think I would find it harder to leave right now than when I first joined. I just didn’t have those bonds. Now I have an important calling and have had many positive experiences.
I think most of those who leave are newbies, and they have the easy ride. They’re barely in and then they’re out. But if you’re BIC, married with children, and your social life revolves round church then it is not an easy ride.
Quote:And there are many in our congregations that are internally processing a lot…more than we realize.
I know… I overheard a new member describe me as “high up” to someone else. It made me chuckle. Sometimes people look at what authority I have as a bit of a threat, I suspect. I try not to make it so. I try to be kind to them, and soften up the more rigid aspects of the church. One sister complained to me about handbook regulations and I explained why we had them, but that it is better to have the right intentions than just following the letter.
What a great voice to have in the church Sambee. Others need that now more than ever. It is soothing. It heals them.
That’s ministering.
Heber13 wrote:
What a great voice to have in the church Sambee.Others need that now more than ever. It is soothing. It heals them.
That’s ministering.
Thanks, you flatter me! I’m not the best member, but I try not to scare people!!! Except the missionaries when they don’t lock the building.
😆 They need a little scare once in a while….gives them a story to write home about 
The value of this article for me is found in classifying members that have partly left the church, but is still active in it. The rest of her comments sort of faded into ideas I no longer remember after reading them. But her means of classifying members as partly gone ,but still serving, resonates. I also believe that any time, there is a certain percent of members deciding if they really want to stay at all . And then, there are the active people who assume represent the vast majority of members we see on Sunday.
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