Where has all the charity gone?

[Anonymous]

Trying singing this line to the melody of “Where have all the flowers gone?”

Where has all the charity gone?

Long time passing (I wanna know)

Where has all the charity gone?

A long time ago……

This was ringing through my mind all last night when I was called away to a hospital to give one of my HT families a blesssing. An older lady had an accident at work; not life threatening, but debilitating for a while. When I was a fresh new member and as a priesthood leader at different times, I was SO on fire about service of that kind.

This time, my initial reaction was that I didn’t want to put my suit on at 10:30 pm at night, didn’t want to fight with the maze of streets leading to the parking at the hospital, and remembered the last two times I was there, the hospital kept moving the person to different locations as I followed on her tail, only learning about the move after I arrived at each location. One of the two people I visited there was moved three times as I followed on her tail to three hospitals within the city, ending at a mental institution where I had to tell a white lie that I was a minister to get in to see her finally. After they figured out I wasn’t a minister, I indicated I was sent by our Bishop as one of his assistants (HPGL) and that was my qualification as a minister. They let me in.

The other person, I arrived and found her room after going to two different locations within the hospital I was sent to, only to find she’d been taking away for testing and would be away for several hours when I finally found her permanent location. And when she got home the next day she complained bitterly to her VT that she asked for a blessing from her HT and that he “never came” — even though I left a note on her bed explaining I was there, had to go to work, and would catch up with her later.

Anyway, I went this time, somewhat reluctantly, and gave the blessing, wondering what has happened to me over the years to feel so inconvenienced and unhappy about the whole thing. I never used to be this way. I think at some point, the I let the programmatic, systemized, and sometimes taken-for-granted way we do things in the Church sap the true religion and passion out of me. Love turned to duty, duty to obligation, obligation to resentment. It’s terrible.

Brian’s comment that even if priesthood blessings have no efficacy on the physical world (meaning, they may not necessarily make good things happen or come to pass as others believe), they comfort people and give them hope –that comment helped me, however. So, that was my source of motivation, knowing that quite simply, my being there would help her. Sure enough they moved her around again but I managed to find the place she was at without much trouble.

I gave a blessing with the comfort-model of blessings in mind. Makes me feel good about giving them. I spent an hour and a half with the woman, and we discussed her less activity. She bought TOTALLY into my trial of commitment concept — that she has a testimony so faith is not the issue — it’s commitment after some things that have happened to her, and the need for a break from the grind of the experience — we get weary as Joseph B Wirthlin said. I agreed. Without sharing my current state of mind (she doesn’t know, as from her perspective I’m an active member), I said I can totally relate and described how I never push her for that reason, that I’ve had my own trials of commitment over the years, but that so far, I’ve always come around, and when I do, it’s because I WANT to come around.

I think she appreciated that, especially the part where I said you can’t just assign someone to be a friendshipper, there has to be sincere connection and friendship. And she seemed to really relate to that. She talks to me a lot about her life and the deep personal issues facing her so I think I qualify as a friend.

I thought I’d share this. There are two threads of thought here — have you ever lost your sense of burning desire to serve others and that selfless drive of charity you once had, due to the systemized, programmed expectations of service in the Church? Or due to take-you-for-grantedness on the part of the leaders? How do you get it back? Although there was a rekindling, I’m not there yet, for sure.

The second thread of thought was that I felt glad I went afterwards, as I did help make her feel better, and to some extent, a sense of charity was restored as I realized THAT kind of service was meaningful, unlike so much of what I’ve done in the past.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

have you ever lost your sense of burning desire to serve others and that selfless drive of charity you once had, due to the systemized, programmed expectations of service in the Church? Or due to take-you-for-grantedness on the part of the leaders? How do you get it back?

I have lost my desire to serve others, not so much due the the systemized expectations of the church…but because as of late it has always come back to bite me square in the hind end. I guess it’s my rose colored glasses have now gone black…I see people so much differently now, I used to look for goodness in people, but have been so bitterly disappointed in people that now I don’t expect them to do good at all.

My own experience with trying, or begging for a blessing, in the last month has been very hard on me emotionally. I asked several male members for a blessing, each one kept telling me ask my HT…I would if I had a clue as to who they were. Yes I have asked both my Bishop and HPGL who they were, several times…I’m still waiting. I ended up asking my Bishop for the blessing, he ended up having his 1st and 2nd Con. do it because he was out of town. And I wasn’t really asking for a healing blessing, I was asking more for comfort. It was maddening and very disheartening for me, because I ended up basically having to beg for it.

so yes my desire is gone. It’s not the church, it’s humanity that I have given up on. I am working on getting it back. I read all sorts of inspirational things from the bible to buhddist stuff, I guess I have found that reading and studying up on the atonement is about all that helps me right now. My love of Christ and the Atonement are all that keeps me going now.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing that experience, SD. It’s really neat you could have an experience like that.

1) I keep from getting burned out by limiting what I do to what I can do without getting burned out. I know that sounds a bit silly and obvious (and very difficult for many, given the assumptions you mention), but it works for me. It helps right now that our finances and distance from the church create automatic barriers to doing too much, but I held to the principle even when we used to live 1.5 miles from the church and I made plenty of money. Bottom line: It’s a hard-core commitment I’ve made.

Some people don’t like that I do that, and some people don’t get it, but most people (the large majority) don’t think about it at all, imo – and most who do think about it really do understand.

2) Having said that, I am MUCH more open to making an exception for service opportunities like the one you shared than for “regular, run-of-the-mill” stuff. I can’t drive 40 minutes there and 40 mintues back and pay for the gas to do so just to be involved in an activity where there are plenty of other people there to handle it. I just can’t. However, I can do that – occasionally – to help someone who needs my individual help. I can do that largely because I’m not doing all the other stuff that would sap my time and money and energy.

it’s a balancing act, and it’s MUCH harder in many ways than trying to do everything – but it’s really important to be the one doing the acting and not be the one being acted upon, imo.

[Anonymous]

SilentDawning wrote:

I think she appreciated that, especially the part where I said you can’t just assign someone to be a friendshipper, there has to be sincere connection and friendship. And she seemed to really relate to that. She talks to me a lot about her life and the deep personal issues facing her so I think I qualify as a friend.

“A friend in need is a friend in deed.”

Thanks for sharing SD – and for being a friend!

I hate serving in callings because they all seem like thankless jobs. I hate Christmas to for the same reason. The expectation! There is an expectation on X-mas that you will give certain people gifts and they may be expecting specific gifts. For me, expectation is a key ingredient for disappointment and resentment – NO ME GUSTA!

For X-mas I try to limit the insanity. I have implemented a rotating family assignment so that we are only responsible for giving to one family unit on each side (my side and my wife’s side). This prevents the expectation on giving to every one of about 50 nieces and nephews!?!?!?

For callings – I like to volunteer to teach primary short notice (like notice right before church or even after Sacrament meeting is over). Because it is not a real calling everyone is really appreciative. There is no expectation that I prepare a new lesson every Sunday because if I teach different classes I can recycle the old one. Every so often all the teachers show up and I can just enjoy my SS time. Finally, if I am unable to make it to church – I do not feel guilty and do not need to arrange a substitute.

For what it is worth – I am grateful for all the people that perform the thankless callings and I make an effort to thank them. The ward could not function if everyone wanted to sub in primary.

[Anonymous]

Roy, I feel the same about Christmas – and let’s add Valentines Day , Birthdays and Anniversaries, and of course, moving!! What a scrooge I sound like! However, the research shows that UNEXPECTED gifts and rewards are the most effective, according to the How Full Is Your Bucket? book I read recently.

I like unexpected rewards because they create no expectations and shoulds about my behavior, and don’t force me into obligatory purchases either. Nor do they create an unChristlike sense of entitlement in others either.

Regarding callings? For me, I never really felt worn out by no thanks — until a calling became too taxing on me personally and started affecting my health, and then the priesthood leaders got all negative and sloppy about my release – THAT is thankless to the point that hurts service, and the primary reason I struggle for the time being.

However, on the bright side, I guess I’m a “by assignment” den leader to my son’s cub pack over the summer. A good way to serve for me right now. I WANT to do this, as I’m a kid at heart, and with my angst about how terrible our Ward programs can be, I feel as though I’m contributing in a meaningful way, particularly to my son’s experience. We added an underpriviledged boy to the den today and the excitement in his face when he learned he got a wooden airplane to build and paint was memorable. No one needs to thank me for that….already I’m getting in touch with the inner boy in me — water balloon launchers, treasure hunts, timed races, tennis ball catapults, elastic driven boats, yo-yos, jacks, and if I could get away with it, sling shots (probably won’t get away with it, but they were my favorite as a kid, shooting ju-jubes at a target). Along with the character and health-building stuff they do in cubs…..

By the way, I like Ray’s approach to avoiding burnout. I’m definitely doing that from now on. Guarded use of my time to prevent the despondency and damage to my commitment that happened last time — definitely sound advice even if it’s obvious.

[Author]

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