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Ray is right. We may “wish” it was different and easily managed with simple faith. But wishing doesn’t get results. At some point, like the sister who bore her testimony, there needs to be support to allow them to get out of bed and start improving things. Many (most) times, that requires some medication to make it possible. That’s just the real facts of life. But that is not to say God is not there, doesn’t know our situation, or doesn’t care. I believe He does know our situation, along with the billions of others that each have their tests in mortality.
Often when you start moving forward, learning about the conditions, working with doctors, making goals step by step…that is when the spiritual feelings come to confirm to you that you are not alone in the cosmos. It seems faith helps you get enough support to keep going, even if it doesn’t take away the problems.
I’ve been on anti-depressants off and on most of my adult life. I think they help with spiritual things to a degree. I do find them very flattening emotionally though. Sometimes I wish I were more emotionally sensitve. Stimulants tend to bring back some emotion for me when taking an SSRI though. As you know, bipolar spectrum disorders are a lifetime affair. Even people who aren’t bipolar will feel random impulsive urges that could be misconstrued as the Spirit telling them to do something. Being bipolar, the odds of having some really good “spiritual” experiences are very high during a manic or hypomanic state when you feel on top of the world. Keep that in mind when you are seeking a much softer answer. Don’t expect that same feeling of joy you might have experienced before. If you’re looking for a spiritual experience, I would focus on God himself at first and try dealing with mormon specific stuff later. And I don’t mean to discount any experiences you may have had, I’m sure some of them were special. I just bet that you felt them far more strongly than most could imagine.
In regards to the statement about the bishop quitting his drugs, I think people who don’t need drugs can quit taking them and feel better. He probably just needed counseling and not drugs in the first place. A lot of people quit when they feel better, which is a mistake too. Bad Karma.
Welcome. Your story is a compelling one, and my heart goes out to you and your family. It must be very difficult just getting through some days. While not having been diagnosed with any mental illnesses (at least not by a mental health professional) I share all of the concerns and questions that you expressed about God, reality, faith. I think that finding joy with that kind of outlook can be much more difficult than it is for those for whom those kinds of questions simply are not part of the picture, but I’m quite sure that it can be done.
I have some experience in my family with depression. My son was on both Paxil and (on bad days) Lorazipam on his mission, though he has quit since returning home. The results were mixed.
I really think that spirituality is much more related to brain chemistry than we like to believe. I’ve been reading an interesting book somewhat related to the issue (
How God Changes Your Brain). You might find it interesting. Are you familiar with Fowler’s stages of faith (discussed ad nauseum on this site)? The trauma associated with your treatment seems to have propelled you from one stage to another instantly, which would seem to me to be an extremely disorienting and uncomfortable experience. I wish you luck as you make progress on your issues, and I hope you will find some empathy and perhaps some valuable things to think about on this site.
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