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I probably will post a new thread about this, so I don’t want this one to get derailed by it. PLEASE, no responses for now: “The Church” no longer has that type of attitude about women working. It always takes time for the message to get to the end of the row and believed / accepted my the membership, but the Family Proclamation makes it pretty clear that each couple is to make those decisions on their own – to adapt the “ideal” to their own circumstances.
As I said, I will post something at some time separately to discuss it, if I can’t find an older post that already does.
Hi Wendall. How are you doing today? I was wondering if you wife knows the difference between when you are talking and when the anxiety is?
I don’t know if my own situation is applicable but my DH had some heavy issues and I had to learn not to listen or to “just observe” when his addiction/narcicistic voice or his dysfunction voice was acting out. It really helped me to be less offended, less reactive, and more supportive as he learned to heal and manage all the parts of him that needed managing. And if he was acting too painfully, then I could detach and let him deal with it while I met my needs.
I hope you can find new ways to manage your burdens…..maybe determine which things aren’t necessary to deal with and then focus on the most important things. Maybe things can move to a more comfortable imperfection.
I don’t like to ask for help either. But my H and I did get a therapist….in fact we shopped around until we found one that worked with us. And then we committed to changing the way we dealt with all of our issues. It took time…..heck, we are still in process. But things are so much better now. We are no longer talking of divorce. In fact, we smile at each other and hold hands.
I guess I share this just to hold out the light of hope. There are better ways to deal….ways that really work. There is healing and new perspectives that take the pressure off. There are people who have been there and who know the way.
Best wishes. My prayer thoughts are with you.
Wendell, I wrote a message about the limitations and varying strengths and weaknesses of professional help. When somebody PMed me thanking me for it, I came back and inadvertently overwrote it with a follow-up. Some of the original is below, but keep in mind (I’m sure you already know) that throwing money at the problem won’t solve it. Medicine can alleviate our pain while we address our issues, but it can also let us forget we have core issues. And much of what a therapist can give you can be offered by loving, listening friendship that is all too rare in our national and church culture. You can have a happy, free, peaceful life. More specifically, you can have happy sleepy time and fly to the moon and slide on freeways in your dreams. And you can enjoy your dear wife and children with disposable income on 40-hours of work a week. I’m so glad you are telling your stories here. Whether there are books, professionals, medicines, or spiritual practices (meditation, fasting, journaling, yogas, introspection, forsaking, taboo breaking, etc.) that can help you will all be revealed in it’s time. But for now you are telling your stories. And that is starting to help.
(I should probably add the disclosure that I am currently “throwing money at the problem” myself by hiring a therapist for myself (trying to become more loving and real and compassionate and less a robotic, inhuman, cold blooded engineer) as a good faith gesture. However, I have no debts other than a $60,000 8-year mortgage, and I am following a carefully frugal budget as I support two households. And my wife and I have found a psychologist we like and we feel is helpful. So It’s a loving thing I can do, only because I have worked long to
simplify my lifeenough to have the disposable income and time.) Anyone heard from Wendell? Just wondered if he made the phone call today or if there have been new developments. Wendell, you hanging in there?
Heber13 wrote:Anyone heard from Wendell? Just wondered if he made the phone call today or if there have been new developments.
Wendell, you hanging in there?
Thank you for asking. I really planned on calling yesterday, and I even prayed for help and guidance, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The most difficult part is calling the insurance company for preauthorization. Telling some data-entry clerk some of these issues I am dealing with is exceptionally demeaning to me. Hopefully I can find the strength to do it on Monday. It’s going to be another long weekend. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!
Wendell, I will be praying for you on Monday. Please do all you can to make the call. Wendell, you can place those phone calls. I will be praying for you as well, along with pinkpatent, on Monday. Can you just tell the insurance clerk you are having night terrors that prevent you from sleeping, and would like to find a good mental health professional? I think that would be enough for the insurance company. Would it be possible for you? Tom Haws wrote:Can you just tell the insurance clerk you are having night terrors that prevent you from sleeping, and would like to find a good mental health professional? I think that would be enough for the insurance company. Would it be possible for you?
Thanks, that might work. Hopefully that will be enough for them to approve the therapy. I will do whatever I can to call them first thing in the morning. Putting it off isn’t going to help. Thanks to all of you for the advice.
Catamount and Wendell, I will venture here to share my understanding of “how things are” with respect to the spiritual world. I reserve the right to be totally wrong or a bad communicator, so take this for what seems right:
There is a spiritual world. There is more going on around us than meets the eye. While there isn’t really a master devil opposite and similar to the highest, there are legions of evil spirits who in their composite might be spoken of as Satan. Or the evil “deceiver” part of ourselves might be spoken of as Satan.
Agency is a bigger factor in eternal realm activities than perhaps we give credit in the traditional LDS view (we often conceive of everything as very command-and-control). I understand that evil spirits are quite willing to manifest themselves and influence us when conditions allow it. Bottom line, I don’t doubt that there is a spiritual reality with a dark side. And that is the danger of seeking spiritual signs/manifestations with idle intent. The right way to seek spiritual manifestations is to seek the Highest.
Now, while I believe implicitly there is more going on around us than meets the eye, I have an eye of caution about the wisdom of sharing spooky stories. That is because good feeling and light are paramount in life, and we must look to God and live. I guess the other option is to simply disbelieve in heaven (turn off the spiritual television) instead of seeking the good (changing the channel).
Anyway, each of us knows best what in our lives brings us happiness, warmth, and sweet inner light. And we can only choose for ourselves to seek that. It might be interesting to use this thread of wendell’s to share all of our “favorite things” if anybody is interested. Here are some of mine:
Uplifting reading (Dickens, Les Miserables, Tolstoy short stories, etc.)
- Uplifting movies and TV (Touched By An Angel, Little House on the Prairie, Shadowlands, Our Vines have Tender Grapes, You Can’t Take It With You)
- Healing, gentle, inspiring music–listening and singing and whistling and playing
- People watching
- Playing and flirting with little children
- Holding and embracing and touching people
- Laughing out loud in kindness and delight (running down a slope, jumping into a pool, doing somersaults, playing red light/green light or leap frog, Rook, Ring on a String, and other party games)
- Recognize and avoid the negative (violence, manipulative and forceful personal behavior, anger, irritability, angry words, ugly words, pounding music, sex titillation, irreverence)
Tom Haws wrote:It might be interesting to use this thread of wendell’s to share all of our “favorite things” if anybody is interested.
That was a very righteous post, Tom. A good friend helps to lift you by reminding you of what is good.
I have had experiences with dark spirits, and choose not to talk about them.
I think Wendell was carefully not really trying to get into it in his Intro, but many of us were interested about what happened, and so it was shared delicately, which was helpful for the forum to see the depth of his trials.
Having done that, continuing to share “dark” stories will likely not be a path to solutions or upliftment.
But as we turn our thougths to truth and light, there is hope. Like the Maori proverb:
Quote:Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows fall behind you.
I will share the things that help me when I feel dark and alone:
– Waking up at 5:30am and watching the sun come up
– Taking a nap
– Challenging myself to do something I don’t know how to do (accomplishment breeds satisfaction)
– Reading a good book
– Wrestling with my 6 yr old on the carpet
– Taking a nature walk
– Reading StayLDS.com/forum posts
Wendell, you can make that call today! All of us on here have our thoughts and prayers with you. We are giving you are energy and strength to sustain you during the call! You really have the power to do it. My favorite things:
*Holding my sleeping two year old and kissing his face
*hiking with my family
*playing in the summer rain
*tickle/wrestle play with my children
*singing silly songs with my kids
*laughing about life with DH
*reading uplifting spiritual books
*breathing
*taking a warm shower
*getting a massage
*eating Dove chocolate
In order to make sure nobody thinks I am completely negative, I would like to share a list of some of my favorite things: * writing a brand new bluegrass song and then performing it for the first time
* watching my childrens’ swim meets
* brand new socks
* Rhonda Vincent music
* a good friend who never passes judgement (Thanks SM)
* spending time with my kids
* “King of the Hill”
* The Snake River Canyon
* Horses – best friends I’ve ever had
* the smell of freshly cut alfalfa
* a clean garage
* the book “When Elephants Weep”
Thanks to you all for the support!
Wendell- I had to make that call to my insurance company for my excessively low self-worth issues several months ago. That’s not a great way to get coverage, so I said that I had “family concerns”. They didn’t probe and gave me an authorization number. Good luck, I’m channeling the “universe” for you, so all bases are covered.
@Tom:
two of my favorites: pounding music and irreverence.
😳 I’m surprised nobody has mentioned sex. 😮 Just saying.
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