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I got an email from my brother this morning… It ticked me off as I felt it was disrespectful and demeaning to me but I calmed my self down and decided to reply in a Christ like manner instead. I will copy and past it below. My question is: Why do family members feel the need to do this to their inactive relatives? Bridget,
I have been thinking about you today and these where my thoughts.
Do you believe in God?
Do you believe that ALL the good you feel that you are doing compensates or justifies that you are not keeping the covenants that you made with God in the temple? IF you believe that you are keeping all of your covenants, then do you qualify to have a current temple recommend?
You did not make those covenants with anyone else except with God.
As I get older, and experience more of life challenges, I become more aware of my relationship with God and IF I am doing what pleases Him and not what I may want to do or what may please others.
Just wanted to share these thoughts with you.
Love you
Your brother
Dear……,
Thank you for thinking of me and I know you are trying to challenge me because you love me and are concerned for me. Please know that I do have the spirit of the Lord with me and know that I am where I am supposed to be right now. My husband and I have never had the good experiences in the temple you and your wife have had. We do not have a testimony of the temple or Book of Mormon. Our experiences in the temple were mostly negative so how can we feel they are of God or that we made covenants? If God tells us differently some day and explains to us why this happened we would return to the church. You don’t need to worry about us as we know God is a just God and sees our hearts.
Love you and thanks for caring.
Bridget
Good response. I think you said it as tactfully as you could, while still giving a meaningful answer that conveys your feelings. I couldn’t help but smile when the end of his letter basically said he was becoming a cranky old man who didn’t care anymore if he upset people by what he said 😆 Thank you Brian and I think you are right that he has become a cranky old man. He is in bad health and in alot of pain so maybe he thinks this is testifying to me one last time before he kicks off. He has ALWAYS been a real letter of the law kind of guy who had to self righteously tell his little sister how he has the priesthood and knows better then me. It does hurt though when he asked me if I believed in God; like people who leave the church can’t possibly believe in God anymore? What’s with that? And like God answers prayers only in the Mormon way? But, ignoring stuff is best sometimes.
Yes, a good response. Of course I don’t know the history between you, but based on that letter, it sounds like he is expressing love and concern in the only way he knows how. The fact that it might be offensive to you likely never enters his mind, or if it does, it’s overcome by a feeling of duty to tell you what he ‘knows’ to be true, whatever the consequences. Take it for what it’s worth and ignore the ‘one true church’ stuff, since that no longer works for you. He obviously loves you and cares about you enough to express his concern to you. I think it was Elder Christofferson (sp? – to lazy to check) who said in a GC talk that he thanked the evangelical preacher who wrote to him expressing concern for his eternal well-being. He said he appreciated the man’s loving concern.
That’s been my goal ever since I heard that talk – to thank anyone who expresses concern for me for caring enough to tell me.
Good response, Bridget.
I agree with what others have said. I also have a theory that often people show love in certain ways that fit themselves. These expressions of love may not be wanted, or helpful, and in some cases may be downright offensive – but they remain expressions of love.
From the limited means available for me to know you, I know you as a woman of God. You are a spiritual and vibrant woman who does care enough to make a difference (not unlike the Good Samaritan). I am glad that you are mature enough in your relationship with your Heavenly Father to take a few deep breaths before responding. I loved your response!
I don’t get it either BN. My fam, many many times, commented how they no longer want to hear my beliefs about religion and the church because they feel like I am attacking their faith. So I quit talking about it – haven’t said a word. Yet I get from time to time from them, little “testimony” letters and emails and church quotes like what you received.
I guess it’s a just one way street. I’m not allowed to expressed my opinion unless it agrees with theirs, and they can express their opinion knowing that it conflicts with mine. Go figure.
Those are the fruits of all-or-nothing there’s-only-one-true-faith-and-it’s-mine thinking. Once you are in that mode, as I was at one time, it all seems quite right and natural. To those who don’t see things that way, it can be extremely frustrating. Everyone’s comments were great and very helpful to me. I also appreciated the nice compliments about myself. Thank YOu. I was just talking to my husband about your comments this morning and he gave me some good insights too. Here is what my husband said:
“There are at least 4 reasons he can think of why people like my brother do this.”
1. They have geninune love and concern for the family member.
2. My doubts challenge their own faith and undermines it and they cannot handle having their own faith rocked.
3. Testifying to me or others wins them ‘points’ with God and makes them feel better about themselves.
4. It gives them a sense of power to feel their are wielding gods power to rebuke others.
My husband gave an analogy of TBM’s who believe they have the absolute truth. He said it is like a school teacher who teaches Algerbra. The teacher is absolutely sure he has the answers and if his students would just shut up and listen he could teach them something. Most people are not patient enough to really listen and address the questions people have. They just want to teach. But, real Christ like love as it says in 1 Corinthians 13, is patient, and long suffering, etc. Letter of the law people are very dogmatic and see everything in black and white. We on this group tend to be more on the ‘spirit of the law’ types and see things in many colors. I like that we have a place where we fit!
bridget_night wrote:
1. They have geninune love and concern for the family member.2. My doubts challenge their own faith and undermines it and they cannot handle having their own faith rocked.
3. Testifying to me or others wins them ‘points’ with God and makes them feel better about themselves.
4. It gives them a sense of power to feel their are wielding gods power to rebuke others.
That sounds about right. Some others might be5. They are doing what they’ve been told they should do.
6. They do it in order to satisfy their conscience.
but that is basically just extrapolating on #3. I think that it’s really all based on #1, though. The rest just eggs them on.
Quote:I like that we have a place where we fit!
Amen, sister!Don’t have much to add other than to empathize with how these missives can seem inflammatory. I once had a High counselor, who after I asked to be released, asked me if I felt my salvation was in danger as a result. How offensive!! I think the key is to respond in a controlled way that doesn’t offend but which asserts yourself. As Brian once said to girly_girl who posts here, “be a sassy girly-girl”, but in this case, without the sass….
Nice job Bridget.
SD
SilentDawning wrote:I think the key is to respond in a controlled way that doesn’t offend but which asserts yourself.
A High counselor … once asked me if I felt my salvation was in danger.
This would be the best I could do in such a situation.
Quote:
Uhhh … no.
Quote:I think the key is to respond in a controlled way that doesn’t offend but which asserts yourself.
A High counselor … once asked me if I felt my salvation was in danger.
My response:
Quote:Well, last year I had my calling and election made sure, so I can now just coast from here on out. Its nice to have that whole salvation thing out of the way for me now. How’s yours going?
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: I second the emotion!!! :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
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