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I was just informed today that my son needs to have his semi-annual interview with the bish (usually done by a councelor, but for whatever reason can’t be). Anyway, I was having enough internal issues with it happening every year. Every 6 months seems unnecessarily intrusive. Why do they do it this way?
I sent you a private message with what the Church handbook says about youth interviews. I hope it helps. You might want to consider asking a member of the bishopric about it to determine how you feel about his approach to it, and to express whatever feelings you may have as a parent. That kind of boundary setting doesn’t need to be formal or take a long time – just a casual word about it will usually do. I’d also ask your son how he feels about those interviews. As a youth, I found these uncomfortable at times, but not terribly intrusive. If the bishop said something I didn’t like (which sometimes happened – I felt he was too protective), I always felt free to say so to both him and my parents. I never encountered sexually intrusive questions. My adult leaders were as uncomfortable with that as anyone else. I think like many things in the church, if things aren’t formalized and put to a schedule, leaders just get too busy and things don’t happen…so the Bishoprics need a reminder from the Exec Secretary that every 6 months they should have an opportunity to visit with the youth…just to check in and try to show the youth they care. How different leaders approach that is sure to be widely different…but my experience is most of the time it is just a chat, not an inquisition.
I’m certain that most of the visits are generally appropriate and on the up-and-up. Having said that, I had a couple of unpleasant experiences, so if you’re uncomfortable or concerned, I don’t think it’s beyond the scope of appropriateness to quickly and gently sit down with the bishop and — as Hawkgrrl said — let him know what your boundaries are. I know I certainly plan on doing that with my kids when they get old enough.
I’ve been on both sides – interviewer and parent of interviewee. Reasonable boundaries are perfectly appropriate – espeically if handled in terms like: Quote:“I will talk with my own children about sexual matters and the Law of Chastity. That is what the Prophets have asked of parents, and I will do so. You don’t have to talk with them about it. A simple “do you obey the Law of Chastity” is fine – and if you have any concerns please talk with me. I’ll handle any necessary follow-up.”
Anyone who can’t accept that doesn’t understand the counsel of the leadership.
Old-Timer wrote:I’ve been on both sides – interviewer and parent of interviewee. Reasonable boundaries are perfectly appropriate – espeically if handled in terms like:
Quote:“I will talk with my own children about sexual matters and the Law of Chastity. That is what the Prophets have asked of parents, and I will do so. You don’t have to talk with them about it. A simple “do you obey the Law of Chastity” is fine – and if you have any concerns please talk with me. I’ll handle any necessary follow-up.”
Anyone who can’t accept that doesn’t understand the counsel of the leadership.
Yeah, DH or I need to just do this. It really should be a basic, simple thing to say. I did tell my son before his first interview that all he needed to do was answer the LoC question and if the bish said anything about M or P that DS should say that his parents discussed that with him and that he does live the LoC. I just don’t think DS would say it….and he would not talk specifics with me (hello, I’m a giiirl) after his interview.
I was just totally unprepared for a 6 month interview.
I guess DH needs to have more frank talks with DS because it just embarrasses him when I try.
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