- This topic is empty.
-
Posts
-
Recently, I was doing a little bit of a personal evaluation on how I spend my time. Or, more specifically, what benefit do I get from spending my time the way I do. I go to work because I need money. I’m taking classes because I eventually want to move onto a career I actually enjoy. I do Jiu-Jitsu because it’s good exercise and I enjoy it. I watch sports and play wargames because they’re fun. But church….. I honestly couldn’t come up with a good reason. I don’t feel a sense of fellowship in my ward. I don’t leave feeling uplifted. Rarely do I learn something new. There is seldom an opportunity to worthwhile service. I don’t feel like I’ve grown as a person because of it. All of the standard things someone would go to church for just don’t seem to click for me. Due to the pandemic causing our ward to worship from home until recently, it’s kind of made me realize all these things. It’s just caused me to think, “Why?”
So why do you (if you can) go to church? What benefits, if any, do you feel is there from being involved in your ward?
Great question. I also don;t feel a lot of fellowship, I’m not usually uplifted (I am on occasion), anything new I learn I usually learn on my own, while the church once helped me grow as a person it hasn’t in a long time, and service in my ward is more often free labor as opposed to actual meaningful service. Even the stuff our stake has on JustServe is mostly not real service. That’s actually a reason I give for loving home church so much – I could study and learn about what I wanted to study. I think this might be a common response you get – I mostly go to support my wife and keep the peace at home.
I have often thought the same thing. Frankly, I only go to make my wife happy and keep my marriage together. I rarely feel spiritually fed when I go, and of course, I’m not firing on all of the full-Mormon cylinders like TR-holding, garment wearing, and never saying “no” to a calling.
I think the thing to recognize is that you don’t necessarily NEED church. It is there for people who have sufficient faith in the teachings, but these things are not all that necessary after you find your own path in the church. I would think the best reason for going to church is the opportunity to serve others. My problem is that there are limitless opportunities to serve people in the world as a whole, and you can often find better, and more fulfilling ways of helping other people in the world as a whole rather than through the various church programs. For some people, the whole service model of the church is amazing, but others, it doesn’t compete with service in other ways that are more meaningful.
I go to stay connected and to raise my children in a community. I appreciate the positive moral values and positive influence of the other children. It is also our heritage and the heritage of our extended family. I want my children to have many of the same cultural touchpoints (primary, cub scouts, girl’s camp, father and sons, etc.) as their cousins in order to feel a sense of belonging. The other day DW was saying that we might stop going after we become empty nesters. I replied that may be the case but we may just find new reasons for going. For example, I could imagine that without having children in the home to keep us busy that those connections to other adults in our same stage of life cycle may become more important.
Your question is interesting & basic to our belief system. When I joined the church (in college) I would be classified as a TBM. Yes to every calling, went to every meeting, always dressed with white
shirt & tie, full tithe payer, etc.
After my faith crisis, I’ve tried to find out “what does it mean to be a follower of Jesus Christ?”
The church can help, but not always.
I go because I want to be challenged in what I believe, not to be indoctrinated.
I go because the church has opportunities to be of service. Most organized religions don’t. IMO.
I go because I have found close friends that I can confide in & they can do the same with me.
I go because I believe that on some level, all of us are related by blood or adoption. Family History & temple work help me visualize that.
Minyan Man wrote:
I go because I believe that on some level, all of us are related by blood or adoption. Family History & temple work help me visualize that.
That is a wonderful thought MM. Thanks for sharing it.
I feel that I should elaborate upon my answer above. The question is “why do you go” and I understand that to mean why do I take time out of my Sunday to attend church meetings. Part of the answer is that I don’t, at least not every week. I am working on Sundays at least 75% of the time. This helps me to still stay involved and connected to the ward without feeling overwhelmed by it.
Another question is “why do I stay” meaning why do I remain a member of this church. The answer for me is different from just the community and the fellowship and also includes the heritage, expansive doctrine, and hope that I feel in this church. The version of Mormonism that I live in my mind is my home.
I could try to sum up how all my beliefs have changed and how I fit in now. But the main reason I go is so my husband doesn’t go alone, and as a sort of tribute or acknowledgement of all the years we spent on the same page. That goes a long way for me. I also fulfill non-teaching callings, but they aren’t what’s driving me.
I am the opposite. I do feel a sense of fellowship with some people – my main regret is we have a revolving door of members, especially from the States. I am surprised at how often I do feel uplifted. The Sunday before last was a bit dull, but we had some great testimonies recently. I do have misgivings about some aspects – General Conference is a weekend off for me, for example and I hate the corporate aspects… And there are parts of thev That’s a long story, but I have been very grateful for my membership over the past two or three years.
Family history: 5 years ago I wouldn’t have believed I’d be doing any family history. 9.2k-created-people later, I’m connected with a cousin and a sister (met on Ancestry). The free Ancestry subscription feels like the Church is paying me tithes to stick around. A sense of community: Not so much. There’s a few people I connect with but they’re as reclusive and anti-social as I am. You can guess how that’s working out. I didn’t used to be like this tho. Twenty years ago, ward leadership became dominated by cloistering isolationists (no contact with the community) and that’s been the vibe ever since. It turned out to be a good fit for my screw-everything phase.
For the family: When I entered my it-can-all-burn-to-the-ground-for-all-I-care phase, I only went so the kids would have some structure. It was fairly haphazard structure; the value of it is debatable
Remote Sundays: This feels like it could have been one of Pres Nelson’s awesome changes. New Me doesn’t like sharing a space w/ more than 20 or so people. I am looking forward to sacrament for the first time in 20 years. Also we get awesome commentary from one ward member (a high-councilmen) like “Masks for from Satan!” Actual quote, btw. Yes, he was sincere.
Support from members: I don’t ask for support often. Historically, if I wanted it, I had to form a clique. Even asking for a food order when we were literally out of food would be met with reluctance. Meanwhile me and my 5 sons attended nearly every move (0-5/month). However, in the last 2 or 3 years, it’s been better. A few guys in EQ mentioned stuff they could do which happened to be stuff we needed. Feeling supported is kind of weird and nice.
Leadership: I’ve posted about this before. Our last bishop was this awesome Tongan, who we lost in a redistricting. The guy who replaced him is a partisan ideologue (demonstrated from the pulpit). He isn’t as extreme & overt as some here but it is clear he eats/lives/breaths it. However he keeps surprising me. The tone of sacrament meeting has become mostly free of political signalling. This last Sunday, he counseled us to read Dallin Oaks talk from last conference, in prep for a 5th Sunday lesson. Yes, that talk. A talk that, while imperfect, was much, much better than i had feared. I regularly see the mantle change bishops, but never this quickly.
This is more than enough for one post, I think.
Roy wrote:
I go to stay connected and to raise my children in a community.That is it 100% for me, as well. I believe I’m a social being, so there are social needs it can help meet..even if I feel more often let down by this than fulfilled by this. But if I manage expectations, I realize it is about connection with others in trying to do good, despite seeing evidence all the time at how far we have to go as a ward to get there.
My children benefit from it. So I appreciate what I can with it.
I try to balance my investment in it with what I feel I get out of it. And that is good enough for me to accept it for what it is and what it isn’t.
Before I started serving at the Salt Lake Metro Jail, I went to church to receive the sacrament. Period. Katzpur wrote:
Before I started serving at the Salt Lake Metro Jail, I went to church to receive the sacrament. Period.
I have wondered. Since we have been authorized to bless and pass the sacrament in our own homes if that has diminished the importance of attending church.I also pray for the health of those that are incarcerated at this time. Our own prisons (we have two in our county) have uncomfortably high rates of Covid.
😥 I used to get a lot of benefit as a teenager because that was where all my friends were. Church was the main opportunity I had to socialize and make friends. When I first started college, the church was a convenient support community to help each other adjust to being away from home. As a missionary church was a time to talk to members and take a break from the grind of missionary work.
As a YSA there was a time where church was an opportunity to meet potential people to date. But I’ve long since given up on the mess that is BYU dating (not to mention my faith changes and the raging pandemic).
Most recently I was going to avoid the ire of the Honor Code Office and get an ecclesiastical endorsement. But now with COVID I haven’t attended since March, and I don’t miss it at all.
I go to support people I love, especially those who don’t fit the stereotypical mold. I am not shy, and I know how to say unorthodox things in orthodox words (how to speak “Mormonese”), so I go so other unorthodox members hear someone saying things in a way that helps them in their journeys.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.