Why do you stay?

[Anonymous]

I ask myself this question at least every day, and the answer isn’t always the same.

I stay because it’s what my wife and family expect of me. I stay because it seems easier than leaving. I stay because there are MANY things I do really like about the church. I stay because I like the standards required of my teenage children. I stay because it’s where most of my social activities originate (the people I interact with, not specific church activities). I stay because it seems to be imprinted on my 5th generation pioneer heritage DNA. I stay because, what else would be better?

I pay tithing on approximate net, even though it bothers me a great deal. I work in real estate. I have friends who work in various roles in the church’s Real Estate departments. I have some small knowledge of how active the church is in this regard. I think tithing is more about obedience now, then an actual need for money. My opinion only, I have no “facts.” I do have a strong belief in fast offerings. I’m planning on decreasing my tithing and increasing my FO donations soon. I’ve seen how these funds are used, and they do a lot of good for a lot of people.

I regularly consume certain items explicitly prohibited by our church in its orthodox interpretation of the WoW. I avoid all sodas and other sugary drinks as well as other sugary treats and try to eat a balanced diet. The WoW is all about moderation for me.

I wear garments most days, but sporadically at night. It is much easier to wear them in the winter when I’m not constantly adjusting my shorts to make sure my religion is not showing. I don’t wear garments if I know I’m going to get hot and sweaty.

I attend SM most weeks. I do not attend SS, and attend EQ about once a month. I usually do not attend church when I travel. That’s part of my vacation, usually.

I have no plans to ever leave the church completely. I don’t understand, in most cases, the need to completely abandon the church. I do have plans some day to lower my regular commitment to it. There is too much to love and appreciate to leave it completely behind. That all said, I do try to respect other peoples decisions regarding the church. Everyone is different, and I expect that everyone has valid reasons for doing what they do.

For me it comes down to two things:

1) Love God

2) Love Others and treat them how I want to be treated

The rest is just details.

[Anonymous]

Rumin8 wrote:

I do have plans some day to lower my regular commitment to it.

I am just thinking on this concept. In my formative years the church was my cradle. As a young adult it was my “match-maker”. As a middle-aged family man it is a support structure I lean on to help raise my children. We serve in callings (cub scouts and activity days) that directly influence my children and we strive to help those programs deliver quality experiences. Part of our motivation for participating in the church has been for our children to have shared experiences and milestones with their cousins. I have considered that when the children are grown DW and I may not really need the church anymore. Time will tell. Perhaps in retirement or after the death of a spouse the social conections of the church will become even more important. Perhaps as I approach death and grapple with my mortality the doctrines of eternal families or my desire to leave something of a legacy for my grandchildren will become increasingly urgent. I suppose the church will always be there and I will know where to find it if I need it.

[Anonymous]

Roy wrote:

I am just thinking on this concept. In my formative years the church was my cradle. As a young adult it was my “match-maker”. As a middle-aged family man it is a support structure I lean on to help raise my children. We serve in callings (cub scouts and activity days) that directly influence my children and we strive to help those programs deliver quality experiences. Part of our motivation for participating in the church has been for our children to have shared experiences and milestones with their cousins. I have considered that when the children are grown DW and I may not really need the church anymore. Time will tell. Perhaps in retirement or after the death of a spouse the social conections of the church will become even more important. Perhaps as I approach death and grapple with my mortality the doctrines of eternal families or my desire to leave something of a legacy for my grandchildren will become increasingly urgent. I suppose the church will always be there and I will know where to find it if I need it.

Yes, almost exactly my thinking! Very eloquently stated.

My wife has asked me a number of times if she wasn’t around if I would still go to church. I don’t know the answer to that question. Probably I would go less often. I am much happier when I feel I have real choices. I don’t feel like I’ve every had legitimate choices when it comes to my membership in the church. Or rather, that I have been willing to accept the consequences of those choices.

[Anonymous]

Rumin8 wrote:

My wife has asked me a number of times if she wasn’t around if I would still go to church. I don’t know the answer to that question. Probably I would go less often. I am much happier when I feel I have real choices. I don’t feel like I’ve every had legitimate choices when it comes to my membership in the church. Or rather, that I have been willing to accept the consequences of those choices.

I don’t know either if I would still go to church if my husband stopped going. On the one hand, I could be elsewhere more easily and maybe enhance my spiritual community. On the other hand, my husband deals with chronic health problems (we are in our late 30’s) that keep him from church for long stretches of time and I still get up, get our 2 children up and ready for church.

At this point I am in a more non-conformist, anti-authoritarian phase of being which I try to make peace with and find balance for. In learning to accept responsibility for my choices (because God’s commandments no longer motivate me and I don’t believe in Satan) has prompted lots of thinking and different paths to take.

[Anonymous]

AmyJ wrote:

In learning to accept responsibility for my choices (because God’s commandments no longer motivate me and I don’t believe in Satan) has prompted lots of thinking and different paths to take.

I like the way you phrased that.

This is where some people can make choices to stay. The problems may or may not be there individually, but one can choose what they mean or what value there is to find or what motivates us personally.

It may no longer be the fear the Santa Clause will put us on the naughty list and only give us coal, but we can tell ourselves the spirit of christmas is more than commercialized profits for retailers, or even the choice to reject christmas all together … and actually focus on the spirit of love in any of those phases.

The holiday doesn’t change…but we change as we determine what story applies to us, and what we benefit from.

Similarly, the church doesn’t change…but we change as we go through phases of our life…and can choose to stay or leave as we let go of some prior held beliefs or fears and move towards love in any way that helps us (love of our family members who believe, love for ourselves to be around others who see it differently, or anything else good from staying in the church).

That is not to suggest I “fake it” … simply…it means something different to me now than it did before. Staying becomes a good option for me with my new views, not in spite of them.

[Author]

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