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I’m sure this has been discussed here many times so feel free to redirect me to old posts. Why do you stay? For me, absent belief or meaningful personal friendships, the only motivating factor was support of my wife. When she saw how hard church attendance was on me, she suggested I take a break, which I am. Should that change in the future, I am curious what reasons others have to stay, whether that be personal belief, social reasons, or other. What do you get out of your church engagement?
For my marriage. But “stay” is moving to “only attending sacrament meeting and not accepting callings”. I’m going to post links to several threads. Not in an effort to redirect the conversation to any of the linked threads or to suggest that a new thread shouldn’t be created. It’s a good subject to have a thread on from time to time because I find the answer changes so much over time. Sunstone – Why I StayWhy do you want to stay, and why is that hard?One reason why I am trying to stayWhy do you stay?What do I stay for?My answer hasn’t changed much over the last year or so. Usually it’s, “I want to see where all this is headed.” Often it’s, “I don’t know.” It may not be the most fulfilling answer, but I suppose it will have to do for now.
LookingHard wrote:
For my marriage. But “stay” is moving to “only attending sacrament meeting and not accepting callings”.
nibbler wrote:
Usually it’s, “I want to see where all this is headed.” Often it’s, “I don’t know.” It may not be the most fulfilling answer, but I suppose it will have to do for now.
This is where I am. It’s not a particularly inspiring place to be. I’d also like to throw in “nostalgia” for me as well. I don’t believe in most any of the fundamental truth claims. I don’t think a lot of what is taught is necessarily good; sometimes it can be harmful more than anything. BUT, I do have a lot of fond memories of the Church. Even though I feel pretty lonely and misunderstood, there are a lot of good people. All in all, I think it had made me a better person; or at the least, it’s made me who I am. And of all possible worlds, I wouldn’t trade this one for any other, warts and all.
My reasons also have tended to change. And for a while (about 10 years) I didn’t stay. Currently I’d have to say it’s because: 1) I do think at its core the church does teach Jesus Christ and Him crucified and resurrected.
2) Related to the first, this is where I feel most comfortable in a religious setting.*
3) I like enough people here and have enough friendships here that I find some social value in attending (although I don’t feel I need to attend everything)
4) I do generally believe that the people at church are trying to do what’s right, just like I am, and we have that in common.
My hero (DFU):
Quote:If you expect to find perfect people here, you will be disappointed. But if you seek the pure doctrine of Christ, the word of God “which healeth the wounded soul,” and the sanctifying influence of the Holy Ghost, then here you will find them. In this age of waning faith—in this age when so many feel distanced from heaven’s embrace—here you will find a people who yearn to know and draw closer to their Savior by serving God and fellowmen, just like you. Come, join with us!
*It should be noted that I do not always feel uplifted by our church meetings, but I do often enough to make it worth my while. I can find my own uplifting stuff when need be, as was the case this past Sunday. I recognize I could also do that at home, but I’m willing to give it a chance each Sunday.
I am staying until I decide to leave – it will be my choice, not a thoughtless result of being pushed out of the tent by the expectations of others. And I am going to make darned sure that is the choice I want to make before I leave (if ever).
I know I am more in a de-constructive than a constructive phase right now. So as long as I don’t do anything bridge-burning without much thought, and personally expect to change my understanding of the truth, the church, and everything else – sometime in the next 6 months to 10 years or so, it will all settle down. At least, that’s one theory….
Honestly, the main pulls are social right now for quasi-social me. Between my husband and the good people at our branch, I feel enclosed in the community in a positive way.
It works with my circadian rhythm. If I left I would likely seek another church. The problem is then what would I need from that church. Every week in ours isn’t my favorite. But a lot are good. When I sit in a chapel and sing a hymn I love with a bunch of other people – I can float for days. Some weeks I fill myself with my own reading material.
I also attend because I contribute. Some weeks lots. Some weeks little. But I believe in the drop of water concept.
My husband, on the other hand, is wondering when I will stop attending. I let him stop attending 6 years ago. I go for me and my heart.
I love what I see as the pure theology. I love my tribe and am grateful for the acceptance and foundation it gave me.
I am geared toward reconciliation and cooperation, not diviseness and fighting.
My family.
mom3 wrote:
If I left I would likely seek another church. The problem is then what would I need from that church.
The LDS church offers a sense of heritage, legacy, and communal identity that few can compete with. The LDS church can be exeptional in some measures of “taking care of their own” – helping to move, bringing in meals during difficulties, having assigned “ministers”, sometimes help during financial short term challenges. Our youth program is decent – rivaling in some respects programs with paid youth pastors. The quality of young person that our teenagers would meet and associate with in the youth program is above average.
In a way I think of the LDS church as the family business. I can go off and start my own business or go work for someone else in their business. However there are benefits to staying with the family business and nobody should be faulted for choosing that path.
Ultimately, in a biological imperative sort of way, what matters is that we have offspring and give them the best possible chance of growing to adulthood, happy and well adjusted so that they may in turn do the same for their offspring. Mormonism can be a better than average framework for helping us accomplish that goal.
When I reflect back to my years growing up in the church…I found it very helpful to have the church interactions and lessons and guidance. Activities like scout camp, basketball, dances, and youth conferences as well as callings to practice serving and leadership to help plan activities and then serve a mission…. all of that was positive for me in my youth and my hopes of a better life ahead of me. I want my kids to have opportunities to have experiences like that. They may not all be good (they haven’t been), but at least there are opportunities for experiences. I see them growing and benefiting by having those kinds of interactions and experiences too. It’s good for them, and helps them develop their own beliefs and testimony.
I think that is ok to stay involved so they can be involved. That makes it worth it for me.
The 2nd reason, which is more for me, is because I don’t think I can “practice” my religion unless I go and interact with others, even others who see it in a different light than I do. I tend to find good people trying to go to church too, while we all deal with each other and our imperfections.
3rd…I volunteered to go help with the Bishop’s Storehouse tomorrow. The church gives me opportunities to do stuff like that. That kinda stuff has nothing to do with doctrines, or current church policies. It’s healthy for me to serve others and forget about deep doctrines sometimes.
There are other reasons…but those three are probably at the top of my list. I don’t think I have ever felt like there is definitively someplace better to go towards. Other places I go and check out seem to be about the same, with different spin on things. So…I’m ok with whatever works best for the family…and that seems to be staying here.
Roy wrote:what matters is that we have offspring and give them the best possible chance of growing to adulthood, happy and well adjusted so that they may in turn do the same for their offspring. Mormonism can be a better than average framework for helping us accomplish that goal.
I agree.:thumbup: This is the only true church. I’m a very spiritual person. As long as I stay as righteous as possible I’m shielded from evil quite a bit. It still gets through sometimes, torments me for a night. I do battle with the adversary pretty often. He will never break me because I know the truth. Or as much truth as we are allowed to know as mortals. I dont know all the secrets of the universe but I will eventually. I never thought I would be in the position that I am in now. My DW is still fairly TBM. To her, we go because it is true and that is where we are supposed to be. To me I go because I felt something powerful in the beginning that beckoned me to follow, and I did. I have not had that feeling tell me otherwise. I still hold a leadership calling, I look at it more as an organization than gods chosen kingdom. I may have become less black and white in my convictions, and my ‘tribe’ has become smaller, to the point that I do not advertise my beliefs in the hopes of converting others.
I see the benefit of °all° spiritual learning, and also the benefit and harm of rigidly staying within a tribe.
I have a son when attends with us who is on his own journey and I hope to enable him to avoid some of the pitfalls of ridgiity.
I stay because despite my doubts, there is still value in the tribe.
On my best days, I stay because I have hope. Even though there are many flaws (often created by people) I still believe that this church is the best organization for following Christ. On my worst days, it’s harder to stay but I have yet to find a better alternative.
I stay because: 1. I have great faith in my own ignorance. My life’s experiences have produced a certain orientation toward the church. I could be wrong in the way I view the church now. So staying keeps options open. Leaving is final and it makes it hard to get back in.
2. My wife and daughter love the church. I don’t want to discourage the good things that are happening in their lives. It brings them peace and happiness. So, why rain on that parade?
3. Occasionally I enjoy the experience.
4. I can’t deny the spiritual experiences I’ve had in the church. They meant something to me, and still do.
5. I don’t see other churches as viable alternatives. To me, they are like the non-profit I started a few years ago. They seem to come and go like restaurants do in our town. They aren’t much of an alternative to the LDS Church.
6. My recent experiences in the community show that our church is like any other non-profit in the kinds of problems it faces. The need to reconcile temporal and mission-related interests, lack of volunteer commitment, interpersonal conflict — these things are problematic for all volunteer organizations.
7. Church people are generally nicer people than non-church people, in my experience. There are a lot of great non-church people, but I find the church people’s interest in relationships is greater than in non-church people. Please recognizing I’m speaking in averages and trends, not as a blanket statement for all people. There have been some pretty mean church people over my church “career”, and there have been some outstanding non-church people throughout my community “career”.
8. I have negotiated a middle way in my relationship with the church. Now it doesn’t bug me like it used to. I feel in control of my life.
These reasons make staying a better proposition than leaving.
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