Why should I stay?

[Anonymous]

Val, I was trying to agree with you……or maybe add some of the thoughts your inspired into my head. I hope you see that. Spose I could have said it better too.

And I love the symphony analogy we often speak of here. Maybe its time to stop calling ourselves misfits too. I think many of us who attempt this journey away from the known are some of the most courageous people of depth and ability. I love how you understand the value of each of us and the growth that comes from allowing ourselves to be stretched by others. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Valoel wrote:

After reading what I wrote in Poppyseed’s quote, I realized I was not clear with what I meant. I don’t intend to change individual people at Church by being there. I meant that the Church will have a more diverse membership if I stay an active member because I will be someone in the population who is different. If I leave, then the symphony is made up of only piccolos. If I stay, then they have a skilled kazoo player too , not that I want to turn all of them into kazoo players.

Valoel, I love the way you put things and make great points to ponder that hit home to me.

I feel I’m not fitting in at my current ward, and felt this way this last Sunday some and have been thinking about it a lot. To keep this analogy going, I’m not sure the orchestra wants a kazoo player or feels it helps them at all to have one. Maybe I do, but I’m not sure they do. I don’t feel my ward wants only piccolos, but they do seem to want the standard sounds (strings, horns, brass, etc)…not the non-standards like a kazoo.

I feel I’m a non-standard, and don’t fit in nor am needed or wanted. So then I wonder if I should just go play my kazoo by myself.

But I still feel that I’m better off being around those in my ward than if I just go off by myself. I find value in hearing others’ opinions and me not agreeing but studying to find out what is right to me or not. I don’t feel I have to correct them, only find out what I believe and feel good about. I’m not always right, but they aren’t always right either. Probably most important is that I feel my kids and my family are better off participating, and I try to focus on those things from the church that benefit us, and not focus on the differences that are there.

It isn’t always easy, but I think that is why I choose to stay…despite my differences.

[Anonymous]

Quote:

I feel I’m a non-standard, and don’t fit in nor am needed or wanted. So then I wonder if I should just go play my kazoo by myself.

But I still feel that I’m better off being around those in my ward than if I just go off by myself. I find value in hearing others’ opinions and me not agreeing but studying to find out what is right to me or not. I don’t feel I have to correct them, only find out what I believe and feel good about. I’m not always right, but they aren’t always right either.

Well said, Heber13. I find myself often in the same situation you’re in. Whether they mean to or not, I get the feeling some of the members in my current ward don’t want me around either.

I really like what everyone has said about staying to challenge the status quo and help expand the horizons of our brothers and sisters. I’ve felt this is important reason to stay and contribute for a long time, but it can be a lonely burden sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I think it is the right thing for me to stay at church to show to myself what I believe to be right and true. I don’t need to cower or leave church because others make me feel I don’t fit in (tho I often feel tempted on Sundays to leave)…I believe I can have a different interpretation of things and that is ok and right, even if others disagree with me. If I leave so I don’t have to deal with my differences to what others might say at church, I’m not giving myself the chance to stand up for my own beliefs.

Quote:

When we covenant in the waters of baptism to “stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places,” we’re not talking solely about fast and testimony meetings. It may not always be easy, convenient, or politically correct to stand for truth and right, but it is always the right thing to do. Always.

M. Russell Ballard, “Standing for Truth and Right,” Ensign, Nov 1997, 37

As long as I feel my views are acceptable to my God, I have no reason to feel I can’t share them with others at church. If that helps the ward be better, that is a plus, but that is not my mission to “help others see the light”.

Joseph Campbell wrote:

‘Preachers err by trying to talk people into belief; better they reveal the radiance of their own discovery.’

While I often wonder if I should stay and keep going to church or just quit going all together, I don’t base my decision on whether others need me or if I need others…but more on simply if I feel it is best for me and my family to be there. So far, I have found it is best to continue going.

I was talking to my wife about it last Sunday. It seems more testimonies and more comments in class do nothing for me than it used to when I used to feel uplifted and felt the spirit strong in meetings. I think that is a “me” issue, and in analyzing what is different…I think a lot of it is just that I don’t feel a strong connection in my ward.

It is like when my son plays with me and we joke and wrestle…it doesn’t bug him…he loves it and feels a connection with his dad who he trusts and knows there is no malice behind it. When his friends at school joke and say same things to him or get rough and wrestle…it makes him cry because he doesn’t trust they really care about him, but they really are mean to him. Without trust, interactions with others are experienced differently in most cases, I think.

I think this is similar to my social involvement at church. Without some strong connections, the lessons and testimonies don’t feel as genuine or sincere to me (not that they aren’t, but that is how I feel). But I think if I stay and continue to try to love others, maybe down the road the trust will build up to where I do feel those same comments I hear now that don’t touch my spirit will one day be more meaningful to me.

If not, at least I spent time with my family that Sunday at church, so I see less downside to continuing to attend and more opportunity for upside than if I stay home by myself and skip church and don’t even let there be a chance trust could be built up.

That seems to be where I’m at now, anyway. Just my thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Thank You all for responding! I appreciate each of your perspectives.

It’s getting pretty close to a year now that I’ve been inactive, luckily my Home ward has only sent out a couple of Elders once to visit me! it’s nice that I don’t feel too much pressure to be active for apperances sake! But I do feel a lot of anxiety when I try to visit my Singles ward, I’ve tried a few times and couldn’t bring myself to go in the door!

I miss having a spiritual home, I visit the UU church about once a month & to be completly honest it’s been great getting so much time back in my weekend! But I do feel a void in my life. I miss the peace I used to feel in the Temple, I miss the inspiration, I miss the community. I don’t miss the pressure, the judgment or the need to look and act just like a good Mormon should.

Maybe I should just force myself to go next week!

[Anonymous]

Good luck to you. The saying goes that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and sometimes it does. For some of us, you can take yourself out of church, but you can’t take church out of you. Keep us posted!

[Author]

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