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Had an interesting coversation with my traditional believing wife yesterday. I’ve been sick the last two Sundays — the first Sunday, only kind of sick, but not really, but last Sunday, genuinely fevered and hacking and coughing and not wanting to pass it on to others. Plus I needed the recuperation time. I REALLY LIKE the few hours of quiet I have at home when the family is at Church. I think the idea of not having to stress over getting there and sitting through all the meetings. Ever since they released me from my calling a month or so ago, I feel no desire to be at Church, really. I’ve done every significant calling in the Ward and many in the Stake and the most interesting callings to me now only create a brief ripple of interest in my motivation. I shared my feelings with my wife, who actually empathized this time. She commented on the bad stuff we’ve enduring in the Church with the mission, the adoption, and some of the questionable behavior of our local leaders. She even agreed that the local leaders don’t really care much about us as individuals; they are more interested in plugging holes in the Ward when there is a need for manpower to keep things going.
She also said it would be fine with her if I stopped going indefinitely. She knows I’ve had spiritual experiences and will come back again. She was really kind about it. Normally she gets her back up whenever I share anything contrary to traditional LDS thought.
So, now he only reason I have left to keep up with this white-knuckling is my kids. If I stop going they will have nothing to hang their hat on except the example of my wife. As one of the leaders in the family, I feel I have to embody the values I want them to latch on to (primarily the clean living and commitment to kindness and charity toward others, and a belief in God). A year and a half ago I had surgery and stopped going for a month, and both kids started pushing to just stay home with Daddy. I know what will happen if I stop attending. It will open the floodgates.
Frankly, if anything, I would like to get my enthusiasm back for the Church. I used to love the leadership side of things, but I abhor it right now. The lessons are normally not that interesting, and I only feel engaged when I’m teaching — and only on certain lessons now as well. It can be very sad to confront what you’ve lost. I just share this because this whole thing saddens me right now.
I will probably go next week, so no here one has to encourage me to go. I will do it, but I so detest living my life without my heart leading.
I think it’s really healthy for people not to go sometimes. It’s a way to gain perspective on the experience we’ve had of attending. It’s really cool of your wife to give you that space BTW.
SD, I understand!!! This sentence is exactly how I feel. ” I will do it, but I so detest living my life without my heart leading.”
It is nice to have your dw’s ok but you are right about the kids. Mine do the same thing. It is tough. My heart goes out to you.
CG
Well, in the end, it is your choice. You have agency, and the church itself says so! At least your wife is allowing you this opportunity. I have actually had an easier time going to church since my wife pretty well said she didn’t care if I quit going. Now that I’m doing it more because I want to, it doesn’t hurt quite as bad. I’m glad to hear that from your wife. Now, maybe, you can follow the guru, cwald
:ugeek: , and reach the point where your lack of outer pressure to go leads you to an internal ability to enjoy going – at whatever frequency that is.Tell your wife she rocks and the prognosis for your marriage is many happy years ahead. Lucky dog. SD, do you ever want to volunteer to help out in ways that get you more involved in the leadership side of things again? I have wondered if I should open my mouth and ask to teach or do something that connects me with my HPG more, but then at times I remind myself how much I enjoy quiet Sundays with just my kids and no meetings and no responsibilities.
I wondered if you have thought about that…would trying to be more involved help, or not? What do you think?
SilentDawning, So glad to hear your wife is in that place. I am pretty young so don’t feel I can be the voice of experience, but for me it helps to find every opportunity in the standard Ward practices to share my perspectives and what I feel is healthy as much as possible. So I talk about vegetarianism during the lesson on the Word of Wisdom, or even the fact that some of the “forbidden substances” really are good for you (balancing that out by the benefits of the WoW of course). I am in the middle of setting up quarterly question and answer sessions for all the youth in Sunday School (I am the 1st counselor in the SS Presidency).
I guess we all just need to find our meaning. And sometimes just bring a book.
I personally enjoy being a progressive Mormon active in the Church.
I visited some friends this weekend and one of my active-agnostic friends (his wife would LOVE it if he stopped going) introduced me to his 14-16 year old Sunday School class. They said, “Can we ditch the manuals and just read the scriptures?” He approaches the class like a college course! (but with spiritual benefits too). So awesome.
I know this is harder in some situations than others. Again, I am glad your wife is more open and hope you can find the meaning that can help you own and enjoy your decision to remain active.
A FHE about why your kids want to go to Church might be illuminating too?
Heber13 wrote:SD, do you ever want to volunteer to help out in ways that get you more involved in the leadership side of things again?
I have wondered if I should open my mouth and ask to teach or do something that connects me with my HPG more, but then at times I remind myself how much I enjoy quiet Sundays with just my kids and no meetings and no responsibilities.
I wondered if you have thought about that…would trying to be more involved help, or not? What do you think?
Good question — thanks for asking Heber.
I actually have leadership and management muscles so to speak. For years it was in the Church that I applied them, and generally was pretty well-liked. People also told me I was effective generally, and I liked the callings overall. I have an ongoing interest in how to achieve the results we seek as an organization, as some of my posts and ruminating here might suggest.
However, most people know my story about 14 months ago when I needed a break from leadership — I was juggling far too many responsibilities, and the SP knew it. They didn’t release me forever with no communication. OUCH!
So, when I think of leadership now, particularly as I work on Ph.D. studies, I SHRINK! I have no desire, unless I find it interesting and project-based, such as improving the quality of training in the Stake or even in the Ward, or even a project-based activity if I had a committee. But you know the Church line — you don’t ask for callings, you wait until you are called, and then you say “No”. So, if they gave me a leadership calling, or even an operational one involving planning and execution with a team of people, I would probably say “yes” to it.
I did go to Church last week; the benefits I’m seeing in my kids are too real to ignore — particularly my daughter. She took a personality strengths test and her top 5 strengths read like the qualities of a resurrected being or angel — honestly — love of spirituality, faith, fairness, kindness, beauty, honesty. It nearly brought tears to my eyes when I read just how GOOD my daughter is.
Plus I have had spiritual experiences that have convinced me I belong in the Church, as much as it is my foe at times….
So, I like Enoch’s advice and will take a book
Had an interesting coversation with my traditional believing wife yesterday. I’ve been sick the last two Sundays — the first Sunday, only kind of sick, but not really, but last Sunday, genuinely fevered and hacking and coughing and not wanting to pass it on to others. Plus I needed the recuperation time.
I REALLY LIKE the few hours of quiet I have at home when the family is at Church. I think the idea of not having to stress over getting there and sitting through all the meetings. Ever since they released me from my calling a month or so ago, I feel no desire to be at Church, really. I’ve done every significant calling in the Ward and many in the Stake and the most interesting callings to me now only create a brief ripple of interest in my motivation. I shared my feelings with my wife, who actually empathized this time. She commented on the bad stuff we’ve enduring in the Church with the mission, the adoption, and some of the questionable behavior of our local leaders. She even agreed that the local leaders don’t really care much about us as individuals; they are more interested in plugging holes in the Ward when there is a need for manpower to keep things going.
She also said it would be fine with her if I stopped going indefinitely. She knows I’ve had spiritual experiences and will come back again. She was really kind about it. Normally she gets her back up whenever I share anything contrary to traditional LDS thought.
So, now he only reason I have left to keep up with this white-knuckling is my kids. If I stop going they will have nothing to hang their hat on except the example of my wife. As one of the leaders in the family, I feel I have to embody the values I want them to latch on to (primarily the clean living and commitment to kindness and charity toward others, and a belief in God). A year and a half ago I had surgery and stopped going for a month, and both kids started pushing to just stay home with Daddy. I know what will happen if I stop attending. It will open the floodgates.
Frankly, if anything, I would like to get my enthusiasm back for the Church. I used to love the leadership side of things, but I abhor it right now. The lessons are normally not that interesting, and I only feel engaged when I’m teaching — and only on certain lessons now as well. It can be very sad to confront what you’ve lost. I just share this because this whole thing saddens me right now.
I will probably go next week, so no here one has to encourage me to go. I will do it, but I so detest living my life without my heart leading.
silant droening I half to give you propps dude I just wish I had someone like you in my family maybe my life would not be so messed up thank you.
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